


All Things Grow

by Kittleskittle



Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Canonical Character Death, Cover Art, F/M, Found Family, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jiran Being An Asshole, Kestrel Nil, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Proving Aloy, Red Raids, Slow Burn, art included, liberties taken with canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:40:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 85,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27676864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittleskittle/pseuds/Kittleskittle
Summary: Updates Sundays.The Red Raids are in full swing. Decimated by the constant raids from the west, the Nora have managed to negotiate a ceasefire treaty with the Carja, at great cost.Aloy is only a week out from the Proving, and she's impatient to win the boon of the Matriarchs to learn the answers of her origins. But a tacked-on condition of the ceasefire treaty promises to change her life forever, bringing her to new lands where danger lurks at every turn. Along the way, she must navigate her way through a hostile royal court, deal with her strange husband who burns hot and cold, and figure out how to execute a plot which may be her only hope of one day returning home to Rost.
Relationships: Aloy & Avad (Horizon: Zero Dawn), Aloy & Kadaman, Aloy & Talanah Khane Padish, Aloy/Nil (Horizon: Zero Dawn), Talanah Khane Padish/Kadaman
Comments: 176
Kudos: 126





	1. Cover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art by me :)


	2. Chapter 1

The cool hues of the mountain morning had just begun to warm beneath the light of the climbing sun when a firm knock resounded throughout the hut. Rost and Aloy glanced at each other in mild surprise - visitors weren't a frequent occurrence for the two outcasts, for obvious reasons. Predictably, it was Rost who rose to his feet to answer while Aloy stayed behind at the table to finish her bland breakfast of gruel mixed with torn bits of jerky. Her guardian had always been better at dealing with people than her, and as interesting as the muffled voices sounding from behind the closed door were, her mind was already fixated on other, even more exciting events - namely, the hunt they had planned for the day.

It wasn't the hunt itself, but what it represented: a final honing of her skills in preparation for the Proving which was to take place next week. Thirteen years of training, and the long-anticipated day was almost upon her. Sheer determination and force of will had carried Aloy this far, but the only thing that would make all of her struggling worth it was coming out on top and beating each and every other young Nora hopeful in order to secure the coveted boon of the Matriarchs. Then, she would find answers. She would learn why she had been made an outcast, who her mother was, and why a helpless infant had been damned to a lifetime of rejection and loneliness. 

As a newly-minted Brave, she would be allowed to take root in a village and grow a real life. It would mean swallowing enough of her pride in order to seek out belonging among the tribe who had shunned her, but it would be worth it for the slim chance that she could eventually petition for Rost’s reentry, too. In any case, it wasn’t as though she had many options of places to go beyond the wilds, and the further into those she went, the further she would be from her guardian. The life awaiting her wasn't exactly her version of ideal, but with answers and Rost close by, it would have to be enough.

The furious thunder of Rost’s voice outside finally snapped Aloy from her daydreams, and she perked up in interest. He didn’t often get angry to the point of raising his voice, even when she made a careless mistake that displeased him, and she had to admit she was _very_ curious as to what sort of issue could cause him to finally lose his temper. Before she could rise to her feet, however, the door flew open. He stormed back into the house, his expression gnarled with more fury than she had ever seen from him. Aloy raised an inquisitive eyebrow as he slammed the door shut.

“What was that all about? It sounded tense, to say the least."

Rost’s only reply was a slow exhale of air and a sagging of his shoulders.

Pushing back from the table, Aloy gave an exasperated sigh and a roll of her eyes in return. Rost could be inscrutable at the best of times, and it was something she had long since learned to deal with.

Hopping to her feet, she turned towards their carefully laid out weapons and supply packs to begin a final check. “Let me guess. Secret Nora business? I’d really like to know why someone decided to lower themselves enough to risk talking to a couple of outcasts, but if you really want, you can wait to tell me while we’re out hunting.”

“Aloy,” Rost said wearily, “that was a messenger from the Matriarchs themselves. We’re not going hunting anymore.”

Ice crept up her back.

_Matriarchs. That can't mean anything good._

“What?” She turned back around to face him, her hands finding a perch on the swell of her hips. “What are you talking about? There had better be a good reason for this, because this is the last chance I have to prepare for the Proving.”

Rost gestured towards the table. “Sit back down. We need to talk.”

Anxiety rippled through her like an electric current, but Aloy complied, sinking back down into her chair. Rost’s silence as he dropped down beside her only served to rattle her more, until she couldn’t keep from fidgeting.

“I don’t know how to tell you this,” he began a couple of minutes later, “but, Aloy...tomorrow morning, you’ll be leaving the Embrace. For good.”

Her first response was a disbelieving laugh. “Wow, good one, Rost. You’ve never been much of a joker. Where’s this coming from all of a sudden - “

“This is not a joke,” he interrupted her, his tone cut through with steel. “And I’d appreciate it if you stopped laughing about it.”

The mirth drained from her at once. Her guardian had always possessed an irritatingly stoic personality and tended to take everything entirely too seriously, but something in his voice told Aloy that this was different.

Something actually serious was happening this time.

She blew out a slow breath of air and folded her hands in front of her on the table. “Okay, so...what is it? Why am I leaving the Embrace? Are we being kicked out into the greater Sacred Lands for some reason?”

“Not both of us, just you,” Rost replied, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Here’s the short version. Tomorrow morning, you’ll be handed over to emissaries from a neighboring tribe we’ve been at war with for several years. They’re called the Carja, and we’ve apparently struck up a ceasefire treaty with them.”

Whatever Aloy had been expecting, it wasn’t this. In utter shock, she drew back, unable to form words or do much of anything beyond blink rapidly. 

“We’re at _war_?” she finally blurted out. “ _Other tribes_? What? Why - “

He held up a hand, the exhausted lines on his face deepening. “I know. I know what you’re going to say, and I'm sorry that this has hurt you. But I refuse to apologize for keeping you in the dark about this. I felt as though it’s what I had to do to protect you, to keep you satisfied with the life we had carved out here. Since you were a child, you’ve been far too curious for your own good, and I feared what might happen if you caught wind of the existence of other tribes outside of the Sacred Lands. In time, I believed you would grow content with the life of a Nora Brave, especially after receiving the answers you have so craved.” Rost stared down at his hands as they clenched into fists. “I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore.”

Bewilderment and a deepening sense of betrayal were competing for dominance within Aloy. She stared at her guardian as though seeing him for the first time. Rost had never been anywhere close to perfect, but she’d also never taken him for someone who concealed truths, as misguided as some of his ‘truths’ were. She had looked up to him, had even loved him as a daughter would to a father. But with the scales now stripped from her eyes, all she could see in front of her was someone who had lied to her for most of her life. 

All she could do was stare, stunned.

“I guess...I guess I’m not going to be competing in the Proving then,” Aloy finally said, deflating in her chair.

“No. You’re not.”

His words were blunt, leaving her with no choice but to face her new, horrifying reality. The betrayal she felt ballooned up in her chest until it burst, flooding her with a righteous fury so intense that it left her trembling.

“How _dare_ you!” Aloy burst out, leaping to her feet. Rost made to stand as well, but she skittered away from him like a startled Strider and began to pace. “You _knew_ how much I hated the Nora for what they’ve done to me. You knew how desperately I wanted to escape this miserable excuse for a life! But instead of letting me make my own choices, you deliberately blinded me so it looked like I only had one way forward.”

“I was trying to keep you safe,” Rost shot back. “And none of that matters anymore, does it? Now you get exactly what you want. You get to leave the Embrace, leave the tribe, and go mate with someone you’ve never even met.”

She recoiled in horror. “Mate with - what are you talking about?”

“What other use would the Carja have for a young Nora woman of mating age? They wouldn't exactly trust you or think you capable enough to join their army.” He laughed bitterly. “You’re to be tied to one of their most fearsome warriors as part of the treaty. In exchange, they’ve sworn to leave our lands alone for a period of one year.”

Bile rose to her throat. “I don’t - I’m not ready. I can’t.”

“You must,” Rost said firmly. “You've little choice in the matter. The Carja have made our lands run red with the blood of the innocent, Aloy. The eldery, the sick, _children_ \- they do not discriminate. They either cut them down or steal them away, never to be seen or heard from again. This is a way, albeit a temporary one, to put a stop to their destruction.”

“I don’t owe the Nora anything,” she said, but the words were shaky and uncertain.

“Then do not think of them as Nora.” Rost’s blue eyes were as flinty as slate. “Think of them purely as innocents, which many have been.”

“If“ - she swallowed hard before continuing - “If I go with these Carja and mate with this...warrior, you're certain they’ll leave the tribe alone?”

Aloy could see most of his guard drop, although caution still lurked at the edges of his expression. “If you go to their capital village, if we provide them with offerings of fur, machine parts, and other goods, as well as a predetermined sum of metal shards, then the treaty will hold. That’s what they’ve told us, although a Carja’s word isn’t good for much.”

She stared down at her feet, her gut churning with nausea. “This...this is a lot. I need some time to think. I’m going to go out hunting. We still need dinner.” Aloy choked out a weak chuckle. “Our last together, I guess.”

Rost stepped aside, and when she looked up at him, his expression had softened into grim regret.

“I won’t stop you. Just know, Aloy, that I didn’t want any of this.”

“Yeah,” she whispered, turning to retrieve her bow from their forgotten pile of supplies, “I didn’t either.”

-

It wasn’t until she was a few miles from the mountainside their hut stood on that Aloy felt as though she could breathe again. As much as it caged her in, roaming through the beauty of the Embrace also had always had the benefit of clearing her head, even in the most stressful of situations. 

“I'd say this is much worse than the time I snapped my bowstring and lost that rabbit,” she muttered to herself humorlessly.

Aloy’s head remained free of most thoughts beyond her observation of the weather conditions of the valley and the movements of the local fauna. Thankfully, the early spring day was mostly clear, and there was little wind. Focusing on the best game to fell for dinner was the only thing keeping her from falling into the void of anguish and despair opening up in her chest, so she mentally shuffled through her options. Rabbit? No, too time-consuming to collect enough for both her and Rost. Turkey? She enjoyed it well enough, but it wasn’t his favorite. Boar? Now there was an idea. The fatty, gamey meat was decadent enough for a last meal, and despite her foul mood, her stomach grumbled in agreement.

Wild boars, though dangerous in their size and aggression, were easy enough to track. After a quick, furtive glance around, Aloy looked down and pressed two fingers to the tiny piece of technology affixed to her right ear - her trusty Focus. Immediately, a confused muddle of tracks lit up in her field of vision, and it took her a few moments to discern the freshest prints in the shape of cloven hooves. Her eyes followed them up into the forest, where a sizable sow glowed a faint blue as she snuffled her way through the ancient trees.

“All right,” she said, gripping at her bow. “Let’s do this.”

Sneaking through the tall grasses of the Embrace had always been something she had been naturally skilled at, and she took advantage of that now. With flowing hair as red as the tips of the grass, Aloy blended in effortlessly, and she knew exactly how to move so that all of her motions appeared to be a part of natural movements of the ever-shifting stalks. Being upwind as she was, the sow paid her no mind, even though her death awaited mere feet away. Aloy bared her teeth in grim satisfaction.

The feat of nocking an arrow silently had required a great deal of practice when she had first learned it years ago, but Aloy had long since mastered the skill. She had just oiled the moving parts of her bow this morning, and the bowstring pulled back with a satisfying effortlessness, causing only a slight tension in the powerful muscles of her arms and back. Slowing her breath, she took aim at the boar’s heart. On her next exhale, she released her grip and watched as it flew home with a satisfying _thunk_.

Her aim had been true. The boar leapt forward a few feet as though she had been shocked then fell to her side with a horrible, high-pitched squeal. She shuddered and spasmed in her death throes but was soon still, and by the time Aloy had stalked over to her quarry, the light was rapidly fading from her dark eyes - dark eyes which held Aloy's own reflection in their glassy curve. She felt an unusual pang of sorrow as she stared down at the beautiful, dying creature. But the feeling passed as quickly as the sow's life, and after saying a silent prayer of gratitude out of habit, she crouched down to begin dressing the animal.

Unfortunately, the tedium of properly draining the blood from and skinning a kill was ripe for allowing her mind to wander. As her knife separated tough, webbed fascia from skin and muscle, her thoughts finally meandered back to her current dilemma.

As soon as Rost had explained the nature of his conversation with the messenger to her, Aloy knew she had to go forward with her part in the treaty. It had never been a question of if for her, but rather a how - how she would come to terms with leaving everything and everyone she had ever known, how she would negotiate the intricacies of a brand new, unknown existence. Yes, the Nora had been the cause of most of the grief in her life, but children being slaughtered and taken away from their families wasn't something she could stand by and ignore. How cruel, how unfeeling would it be of her to refuse in the face of so much suffering? She wouldn't be any better than the Matriarchs themselves, who had somehow twisted their beliefs enough to justify casting out a newborn baby. 

The true difficulty came in giving up her life's dream, that which she had been tirelessly striving for since she was six years old. It meant letting go of the possibility of ever finding out who her mother had been and surrendering herself to the whims of a foreign people in a faraway land. Then again, hadn't that been the story of her life already? Her bleak path through life had been laid out for her long ago, and this was just another turn down the same miserable road. Aloy would still be kept unwillingly under the hand of another, lacking any true control over her own existence, and the thought of never breaking free of this was too much to bear. She shifted her thoughts to her future mate instead.

Perhaps he would be kind. It was highly unlikely and nothing more than a small comfort, but in such a situation, it was all she could hope for. Rost had claimed that these Carja weren't trustworthy, but he hadn't exactly been honest either, and his borderline fanatical devotion to Nora dogma had skewed his views of the world. Maybe her mate being a warrior would be something they could find common ground over, and maybe in time they could even strike up a friendship. Aloy wasn't so foolish as to believe that love would ever be a factor - not that she had ever wanted for such things - but a friend and confidant in a strange land sounded nice. Anything was better than the loneliness which dogged her day in and day out, even with her guardian close at hand.

Speaking of Rost, she had finished dressing their dinner and should probably be heading back now. After neatly tying up and packing the meat away, she stood and took a moment stare out over the lush lands surrounding her. It was funny how she had spent most of her life dreaming of different worlds - worlds of the past, worlds beyond the Sacred Lands - and yet how much she would miss the one of her childhood. The great pines, the icy streams of fresh water, the forbidding mountains - soon they would all be nothing more than a distant memory. Closing her eyes, Aloy soaked in the warm midday sun and let herself remember this moment, what this air felt like as it whispered over her skin. It was like an embrace in its own right, and when she opened her eyes again, she felt as though she could find strength enough to say goodbye. 

The familiar trails she had long ago memorized brought her back to the only home she had ever known, and she wasn't surprised to find Rost standing outside at the gate he had built overlooking the Embrace. With a slight smile, Aloy held up her bounty.

"Boar," she explained. "I figured it would be worth the extra preparation and cooking tonight."

He almost smiled back. "Good. Come inside. There's much still to discuss."

"So much for enjoying my last day here," she sighed, but she trailed after him obediently.

Once inside the hut, Aloy placed the meat on a small surface by the hearth used for food preparation then turned to Rost expectantly.

"What did you want to talk about?"

He took a deep breath. "I know I haven't said it often, but first, I want you to know I'm proud of you. What you're doing is selfless beyond compare, and your sacrifice will save many. That's no small thing."

Aloy snorted. "I'm aware. It's honestly the only thing keeping me from losing my mind right now." Striding over to her bed, that familiar nest of tanned hides and cozy furs, she dropped down onto it then added, "But...thank you. It's nice to hear that for once."

"I'm also sorry." Rost sat beside her, his face strained with regret. "There's so much I wanted for you, Aloy. I wanted to see you win the Proving - and there's no question that you would have. I wanted to watch, from afar, you become a Brave and take your rightful place as one of the best warriors in the tribe. And maybe even one day, I would have liked to see you find a mate and have children of your own."

Her heart clenched painfully in her chest. "From afar?"

Rost nodded solemnly. "I knew that you wouldn't be able to stay away from me after the Proving, so I had planned to go where you couldn't find me. But I had always meant to come back and check on you from time to time."

"That would've been useless, you know. I would have found you anyway," Aloy said matter-of-factly, and to her surprise, he chuckled.

"Who do you think taught you how to track, girl?" he said, eyes glittering. "I have more ways of staying hidden than I revealed to you."

"And I have my own ways of finding what I seek," she countered.

"Ah, you speak of your trinket." Rost shook his head in exasperation. "You already know my opinion on that. Regardless, it doesn't much matter anymore."

"No, I guess it doesn't," she said softly. Shifting, she twisted around on the bed until she was sitting cross-legged and facing him. "So. Is there anything else you think I need to know?"

"More than I could ever have the time to explain, but I suppose I should start with where you're going," he said with a sigh. "The Carja lands are called the Sundom, and the place you will be going is known as Meridian."

"Meridian," Aloy tried. The word was foreign on her tongue, although not unpleasant.

Rost was right next to her, but his gaze was miles away. "Meridian is a giant village on top of a great flat mountain called a mesa, with more people than you've ever seen in one place. It's crowded, dirty, and tainted, not to mention as far beyond the All-Mother's embrace as you can get."

Aloy cocked her head. "And you know this, because…?"

He gave a cough. "I have heard stories."

"Uh huh." Aloy wasn't exactly convinced, but the time had long passed for petty arguments. "And what do you know of the Carja?"

His fair blue eyes darkened into a stormy hue. "They are a violent people who revel in excess. They take far more from the land than they actually need to build their villages and adorn themselves in ridiculous trinkets and baubles rather than dressing for practicality. Hunting is done not for survival but sport, and as of late, that's apparently turned to people as well."

"I'm sure not _all_ of them are like that," she protested. "I mean, the Nora aren't exactly all wonderful people. Otherwise there wouldn't be outcasts like you and I."

Rost shot her a sharp look. "We are the All-Mother's chosen. Do not insult your people, Aloy - "

"They're not my people," she returned defiantly.

"You must keep your guard up," he said, blatantly ignoring her words. "Every Carja will look down upon you as a heathen from the Savage East, and none of them are to be trusted. They have no honor and have chosen to worship the sun, of all things."

To her, worshipping the sun sounded just as ridiculous as kowtowing to an invisible goddess - at least the sun was a tangible object - but Aloy wisely kept her mouth shut this time.

"Even faced with all of this, I know you'll be able to survive it. I raised you to be strong. Remember the burden you carry, all of the lives that are on the line." Rost's stare bored into hers, and she unconsciously straightened her spine. "Out of all of the young Nora women the Matriarchs could have chosen, you're the best of them."

A gritty lump formed in Aloy's throat. "You don't think it was just because I'm expendable? Being an outcast?"

"I know Teersa, one of the High Matriarchs, well," Rost said, quiet reassurance in his tone. "Maybe your outcast status was the argument she used to sway the others into choosing you, but I know that it wasn't her true reasoning. She's been keeping an eye on your growth for a long time, Aloy. Originally, it was out of interest for what you would become once you joined the tribe, but now it's become a matter of survival. And you're our only hope."

She forced out a laugh. "No pressure, huh?"

"It's all the pressure in the world," Rost exhaled. "And if I could do it for you, I would."

In a vain attempt to lighten the mood, Aloy said, "I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't think this great Carja warrior would want you as a mate. It's for reproduction, after all, and your bits aren't likely, er, _compatible_."

"Reproduction, yes." A faint blush tinged her guardian's cheeks, and he cleared his throat. "Speaking of which, I suppose I've neglected to explain how that works between people. You have seen it in the wilds between animals, and you know the differences between the sexes, but when a mated couple goes to bed with the intention of creating children - "

"No!" Aloy interjected hastily, shaking her head frantically. "Rost, stop. I know what sex is, okay? You don't need to...explain anything to me. I have a good idea of what we'll be expected to do upon mating, and I'll work on making my peace with that."

Rost's shoulder sagged with pure relief. "Good. That's good. One less thing for me to worry about. But you've reminded me of one more aspect of mating with a Carja man that I must explain."

Aloy tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

"The Carja mate for more than just reproduction," Roat explained, disgust clouding his features. "In a reversal of the natural order of things, men hold the power in their tribe, and mating is seen as a form of ownership over women."

For once, she found herself in agreement with Rost, and outrage roared within her. "That's _barbaric_! Not even Nora women own their mates!"

"I agree with you, Aloy," he said wearily. "I know it goes against your nature, but you must do your best to play the part. If your mate tells you what to do, you must listen, because your refusal could be enough cause to sever your mating bond and therefore the treaty."

The urge to scream was growing more and more tempting. "So, what? I'm just supposed to sit there and take whatever abuse is flung at me?"

"If that's what it takes."

"You don't know he'll be that cruel," she protested. "Maybe he's more like Nora men, like you - "

"I know enough of him to know what he's capable of," Rost retorted. With a frustrated huff, he ran a hand over his bound hair. "I don't say these things to upset you, Aloy. I'm trying to prepare you to survive, just as I always have. You must be realistic. Silly hopes and flights of fancy have no place in the future you're facing. If I have to hand you off to a monster, it'll at least be with all the knowledge and tools that I can provide."

"I...I know," she said quietly, her gaze dropping to her lap. "I understand."

A warm hand landed on her shoulder then, and her eyes snapped up to Rost in utter shock. Touch between them was rare, usually meant only for times of sickness or tending to wounds, and a touch solely for comfort was nearly unheard of. Hungrily, she leaned into it, soaking up every ounce of his touch, memorizing the weight and curve of his palm. It was gone far too soon, and her shoulder felt strangely cold beneath the thick fur which blanketed it.

Their talk apparently done with, Rost rose to his feet and shuffled over to the boar meat. It would take hours to roast even upon their roaring hearth, and all Aloy could do in the meantime was curl up on her side in the bed of her childhood. Her eyes traced over years of memories. Clay vessels, tools, hunting supplies, machine scrap - within all of them, a story. She even caught a glimpse of one of her old, well-worn dolls lying propped up in a corner next to a bow she had long outgrown, and that was what almost broke her. 

Saying farewell to the land may have been doable, but Aloy wasn't sure how she was supposed to say goodbye to her home. Rost had been right, of course; she needed to be strong going forward. But for now, she let herself feel pity for herself. She allowed herself to wallow, to rail internally against the unfairness of it all - how she had been so close to achieving her life's goal, only to have it torn away from her mere days before attaining it. When the tears which had been threatening all day finally welled up in her eyes, she didn't brush them away, as was her usual habit. Instead, she turned herself over until her guardian and only companion couldn't see her and let them trail silently down her cheeks. 

Hours peppered with the occasional word to one another passed, and when the light in the hut grew muted and as red as blood, Rost called her to dinner. The meat was charred perfectly and dripping with delectable fat, and although Aloy tried to enjoy it, it tasted as appetizing as mud to her. But she put on as brave of a face as she could, eating and reminiscing with the man who had raised her. He was more open than he had ever been, and she treasured every precious moment of their last hours together.

The scant sunlight poking in through the cracks of the hut faded faster than it ever had before, and although she was nowhere near ready for sleep, Aloy knew that it was time for bed once the subdued fire became the only source of light. Sharing one last, meaningful glance with Rost, she headed back to her bed for a final time. 

In the last vestiges of safety, comfort, and warmth she would know, Aloy took all of her insecurities, her fears, and her sorrows and packed them away somewhere deep inside of her heart, in a place where they'd be near untouchable. Her goals had shifted, and along with them, so had her priorities. Tomorrow, when she woke, she would be reborn. She would be someone new, someone even stronger that before, someone who wouldn't break or bend under even the greatest of pressures.

No matter what hardships came, Aloy would face them all with the single-minded determination she had always possessed. And above all else, she would survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Here we are!
> 
> A couple of notes:
> 
> 1) The timeline has been shifted, much the same as in We Know Who Our Enemies Are. The characters are about as old as they are in the game, but it's as though they've gone back in time. This starts about a year and a half before the Liberation.  
> 2) A reminder that this is pre-Proving Aloy, and it affects her characterization - she hasn't lost Rost or gone through the trauma of being a sole survivor, so she's a tad more optimistic and open. I made sure to play through the beginning of the game just to nail this version of her, because she IS a little bit different.  
> 3) There is absolutely NO dub/noncon in this fic. In fact, being a slowburn, there's no smut at all until the very last chapters. Just want to put it out there for anyone who may be concerned, and I'll reiterate that later.  
> 4) Rough estimate of ~23 chapters, 120k words total. Gonna be a big one.
> 
> Otherwise, sit back, and enjoy the ride! Will be updating on Sundays.


	3. Chapter 2

It felt as though she had just closed her eyes when Rost shook her awake early the next morning. Despite the knowledge of having a long journey ahead of her, Aloy had barely slept a wink, and with her every sluggish movement, her body screamed in protest. She almost smiled at the irony; it was a fitting beginning to a day such as this.

By the time she had dressed, grabbed her small sack of personal possessions, and stepped outside, dawn was only the barest suggestion on the horizon. Regretfully, she eyed her bow and quiver where they sat propped up against the walls of the hut. Rost had informed her yesterday during dinner that she was to meet her escort at the gates of the Embrace entirely unarmed, for their safety. Apparently, the five Carja soldiers who were to guide her to the Sundom were afraid of being attacked while their guard was down.

 _For good reason,_ Aloy thought. _I could probably take all of them._

When she had asked how she was supposed to defend herself in the wilderness, Rost had told her that she was supposed to rely on these soldiers for protection, and the thought was not only enraging but humiliating. Already Aloy felt as though she was being reduced to nothing more than a helpless object, and the urge to fight this particular provision was high. 

For the first but what she knew would not be the last time, she practised holding her tongue and reminding herself of what was at stake. Instead of speaking, Aloy imagined the terror of the innocent being cut down in a spray of blood, and although the restrained words burned on her tongue, it was enough to quell the urge for the meantime.

The pride in Rost's eyes had almost been enough to comfort her.

As they walked away from home - her former home now, she reminded herself - Aloy didn't look back. By the time they reached the walls of the Embrace, the sun was beginning to peek over the mountains. Its harshly cheery light lined the figures of ten people, four of them wearing the garb of Braves, five of them in a heavy style of armor unfamiliar to her and one of them sporting the robes and regalia of a High Matriarch.

"Come, come!" the Matriarch called as Aloy and Rost came within earshot. "Morning is upon us, and you have quite the journey ahead!"

"Teersa," Rost muttered, a fond smile touching his lips when they stopped before the unusual group.

"Aloy," the older woman said, laying a hand on her arm. She glanced in the direction of the Carja soldiers. "I must speak to her before we depart. There are rituals to be completed."

One of the men sneered and looked as though he wanted to speak, but another wearing a brilliant spray of red feathers on his head shot him a sharp glare, then nodded at Teersa.

"We only have a few minutes to spare with the Sun's rising, so make it quick."

"Yes, yes," she said, waving a hand as she pulled Aloy aside. Once they were out of earshot, she dropped her hold.

"Um, am I - "

"You're allowed to speak with me," Teesra interjected. "We don't have much time, so let me be brief. You've been made a full member of the tribe, and the Matriarchs have decided to grant you the mark of a Seeker."

Aloy's eyes widened in astonishment. "Why? Wait, what's a Seeker?"

"In times of great need, the Matriarchs may vote to grant Seeker status to certain individuals," Teersa explained. "And now, more than ever before, we are in need. The Seeker blessing makes it so you have the All-Mother's protection even outside of the Sacred Lands."

"The only reason I'd need something like that," Aloy said slowly, "is if the intention is for me to eventually come back. Otherwise you'd let me become an exile."

Teresa's smile was rueful. "You've turned out to be as clever as you are brave and strong, I see. Yes, Aloy. The Matriarchs have a task of utmost importance for you, and it's critical that it's carried out. If it is, and if you survive, you may come home."

"Anything," she said fervently, leaning forward. "I'll do anything to come back one day."

"I'm sure you can understand that none of the Matriarchs trust this treaty," Teersa said quietly, keeping her eyes trained on Aloy. "The man they're mating you to is legendary for his unrelenting violence in battle and one of their most skilled soldiers, and in this, they've made a grave mistake. When the time is right, when we have enough reason to believe that the Carja will break the treaty, you are to strike him down and then flee from the Sundom. Without him in play, they will be weakened, and it might just give us the advantage we need."

Her heart quickened at the weight and potential of what the older woman was offering. It was a way to use some of the skills she had refined over the years, and more importantly, it meant that her life wasn't over in the way she had believed. 

Killing a single man and sneaking away before she could be discovered? Child's play.

Aloy willed her pounding heart to calm. "How will I know when to strike?"

"We shall send another Seeker to find you in Meridian. Until then, keep your ears and eyes open. Learn everything that you can about Carja military operations and your future mate." Teersa's weathered hands found one of hers and clasped it tightly. "I will now perform the Seeker blessing."

Although Aloy didn't believe in a single word of the High Matriarch's prayer, there was a great deal of comfort in what the gesture meant. But one question still remained at the forefront of her mind, and she waited until Teersa was finished to bring it up.

"Since there's no way for me to compete in the Proving to win the boon," Aloy began tentatively, "if I return...as a reward, may I know who my mother was and why I was cast out?"

Teersa's expression was kind. "I believe that's a fair trade, child, although I may have to argue with the other High Matriarchs to get them to agree. Now, come. I'm sure our guests grow impatient."

Knowing that this didn't have to be her final goodbye with Rost eased a great deal of her anguish, but Aloy's heart was still lodged in her throat when he pulled her aside. It could be a year or more before she saw him again, and the knowledge of that was almost too much to stomach. Somehow, it had been easier when she believed she would never see him again.

"Rost - "

In a rare, precious gesture, the man who had raised her opened his enormous arms and folded her into his embrace. Aloy couldn't suppress the soft sob that escaped her.

"You will survive this," he murmured in his ear. "No matter what, I know you won't break. And if anyone tries to hurt or kill you - "

"I'll kill them first," she whispered, clutching at the mantle of boar fur on Rost's shoulder.

His grip on Aloy's upper arms were gentle as he pushed her away, his eyes even more so as he gazed down at her.

"You aren't my daughter by blood, but I've always seen you as one," he said softly, reaching into a pouch hooked to his belt. From it, he produced a white object and held it up for her. "This necklace was my daughter's. I'd like for you to have it, to...remind you."

The material was cool and curiously heavy under Aloy's fingers as they closed around it. Try as she might to hold them back, tears still welled up in her eyes. "I - thank you, Rost. I'll never forget you, or anything you've done for me."

Her eyes darted over his face, memorizing every angle and curve. The exact blue of his eyes, the intricate way his beard was braided, the proud set of his nose, the sorrow he was trying to hide in the deep lines of his face. This picture of him would remind her what she was striving for and help nurture the hope that she would see him again one day.

But for now, it was time to go. Her feet felt as though they were weighed down by machine parts as she took her place by the Carja soldiers. Members of her new tribe.

Her _temporary_ tribe, Aloy reminded herself fiercely.

"Right. Are we ready?" the soldier with the plume of feathers - obviously their leader - said tightly. At Aloy's decisive nod, he turned to the soldiers. "You saw the lady. Move out."

Once again, Aloy didn't look back as they marched out of the Embrace and into the greater Sacred Lands. If she did, she knew she might not be strong enough to leave.

The stoic Braves fell in on the outskirts of the road, keeping their keen gazes fixed on the group. Rost had explained that outlanders even being allowed into the Sacred Lands had been an issue of great contention between the Matriarchs, and the escort of Braves was meant for the soldiers' protection as much as the Nora's. They were to be guided to the edge of Nora lands, and then they would be on their own.

The soldier who had sneered at her earlier looked her over how one might examine a boot caked in excrement. "Strange of you to call this wretched creature a lady, Radid. I only see a wild animal."

Aloy's fists curled automatically, and the effort of not wheeling around and punching the man as hard as she could took all of her strength.

Surprisingly, Radid turned on the man himself.

" _Quiet_ ," he snarled, his amber eyes flashing beneath the mask attached to his helmet. "Are you mad, Irasis? Do you want Khane Argir catching wind of you speaking of his betrothed as such? She's not a lady now, but in a few short weeks, she will be. Show some respect."

The other Carja soldiers around her grew quiet, glancing between each other with a nervousness so potent it could be physically felt.

"You're a kestrel, Radid," one of the men said hesitantly. "Do you know Khane Argir personally?"

The subject of her future mate had Aloy's ears perking up in rapt attention, though she was careful not to let any of it show on her face.

Radid set his angular jaw. "Not personally, no. But I've been on the battlefield with him a few times."

"Is it true what they say about him?" one of the other soldiers asked in a hushed voice, his eyes wide.

"He's more than earned his preferred moniker of Nil, if that's what you're asking," the kestrel said grimly. "For no one on the opposing side is left alive when he's involved, and even his allies are at risk of having his blade turned on them. He rivals the Terror of the Sun himself in skill and his lust for blood. You all know of Cinnabar Sands."

"O Sun, keep the Shadow from falling upon me," the first man who had spoken whispered faintly.

"You all know how they found Khane Argir there, the only survivor of what looked to be a vicious battle," Radid continued. "How he was laughing, his face aimed at the sky, the sand around him so soaked with blood that it remained red for a year and a day. You recall how the Sun lit the scales of his armor so intensely that he glowed with its holy light, and the expedition party who found him fell to their knees at once."

Frankly, Aloy thought it all sounded like a bunch of nonsense. It had the benefit of quieting the soldiers, however, so she wasn't about to complain.

"So that is why, men, you must hold your tongues," Radid finished, fixing Irasis with a pointed look. "For if Khane Argir catches wind of any of this, it's all our lives at stake. He may have had a recent fall from grace due to disobeying orders during his last assignment, but he still will not hesitate to challenge all who slight him to a duel to the death. It's best not to tempt fate."

"So what you're saying is that this...woman...won't last a month married to such a monster." Irasis leered at Aloy, and she had to take a few calming breaths. "Good. Live like an animal, die like one. I hope he - "

"Congratulations, soldier!" Radid boomed, and Aloy may have been a touch gratified when Irasis immediately snapped to attention. "You just earned yourself an entire night's watch, all by yourself. And if I catch you asleep at post, there will be a disciplinary hearing in Meridian. Understood?"

The way the awful man wilted under his commander's harsh stare was even more satisfying. "Yes, sir."

After listening to all of this, Aloy was certain of one thing. The Carja gossiped as much as the Nora did, and with a village tens of times larger than any in the Embrace, she was sure that the true story of her betrothed, as they had referred to Khane Argir, had been long ago obfuscated by hearsay and warped into myth. Although there was likely fact somewhere in there - namely Radid speaking of his challenging of any and all who slighted him - no one man could be that monstrous. 

Maybe some of her denial came from the fact that Aloy had been told how to think and what to do for her entire life, and she was determined to make up her own opinion for once. She had never trusted the Nora, and she definitely did not trust the Carja. Despite their terrifying stories, she was confident she could handle whatever this man threw at her. 

In spite of the unsavory nature of most of her company and the ache in her heart, Aloy endeavored to enjoy the three week journey in what few ways she could. The greater Sacred Lands were just as gorgeous as the Embrace, and the distant, rusted out ruins of the Old Ones which dotted the lands had her entire body itching with the desire to explore. The irony was, due to her having been made a Seeker, she _could_ actually delve into them without fear of reprisal, as long as she used the excuse that the All-Mother had guided her there. But in her current situation, all she could do was stare longingly as they passed structure after structure by, their great carcasses quietly decomposing beneath time and weather.

Machines she had never seen before were in abundance. Several times, the traveling party had to hide away to avoid some of the more vicious beasts. Aloy dutifully scanned each and every one with her Focus, spending her free time after dinner each night devouring fascinating information about Sawtooths, Shell-Walkers, Ravagers, and more. Once, in the distance, she was sure she had spotted a Tallneck drifting among the ruins of some ancient city. She recalled Rost's stories about how they were a peaceful machine, wandering the earth in endless circles, and for a moment she wished she could be as carefree.

With the last of the mountains also came the last of the Sacred Lands. At a narrow mountain pass, the Braves stood as silent sentinels, stoically watching until Aloy and the Carja soldiers crossed over into the Sundom and disappeared from their sight.

There was a pang of loss when she entered the foreign land, but it was shamefully mild. Even more damning was the tiny tinge of excitement she felt as she stood at an overlook in a Carja fort called Daytower and gazed out over the unfamiliar terrain - a desert, one of the men had called it. Aloy had never seen such a color of rock and earth, nor the strange, flat-leaved plants with what looked to be needles growing from them. It was beautiful in its own, unique way, and she thought that perhaps living in such a place wouldn't be the worst fate.

The downside was that this desert was blazingly hot during the day, while the temperatures dipped to near freezing at night. The tanned leather and furs of Aloy's outfit became uncomfortable beneath the unyielding sun, and despite the fact that she didn't voice her discomfort once, Radid came to her one morning with a bunch of shimmering cloth in his arms.

"Here, my lady," he said gruffly. "Casual silks more befitting of your station and environment."

Unsure of what to say, Aloy took the multi-colored bundle from the kestrel and gave him a hesitant nod. Although the style and cut were unfamiliar, the clothing was light, airy, and allowed her skin to finally breathe. Despite not being a vain person in the slightest, she also had to admit that the silks looked nice on her when she caught her reflection in a stream that afternoon.

Unfortunately, being in the Sundom also had the side effect of Irasis growing bolder in his aggression. He had learned to mostly fly under Radid's radar, only taunting and threatening Aloy when the kestrel went off to relieve himself or hunt for food. Mostly, she managed to ignore it by activating her Focus and continuing to study the new machines they had come across.

But one night after dinner, as she was making her way back from washing up in a tiny creek, he went too far.

She should have anticipated something like this with how quiet he had been all day due to Radid sticking close by. Irasis could do nothing more than send her the occasional look of loathing or rude finger gesture, the sort of juvenile insults only worth an exasperated eye roll. 

It was already dark, and Aloy was picking her way through the scrubby brush and cacti when his smarmy voice rang out.

"It's fitting that you look like a drowned rat, savage. You're certainly of similar value."

As usual, she gritted her teeth and ignored it. A dark shadow to her left shifted and came closer.

"Perhaps one thing sets you apart, however," Irasis mused. "I've heard many stories of how untamed Nora women are, especially between the sheets. Perhaps all you need is a cock between your legs - "

"If you so much as touch me," Aloy said calmly, "I will break your arm."

"Empty threats," the soldier sneered. He was close enough now that she could just make out his face. "You know very well your hands are tied. Besides, you probably want it anyway. None of those dickless excuses you call men can compare to a Carja one - "

"You're awfully fond of that cock of yours," she noted dryly. "It would be a shame if something happened to that too. Ah, well. You probably wouldn't miss something so small anyway."

"Filthy harlot," he snarled. "You'll be singing a different tune when I have you underneath me."

Irasis's arm shot out for her then, and Aloy didn't hesitate. She neatly sidestepped him, then grabbed his arm and twisted it behind him in one smooth, practised motion. Setting her jaw, she put every ounce of force into bending the arm the wrong way, and as promised, only let up when it gave a sickening _crack_.

The high-pitched scream of pain which tore from Irasis as he stumbled and then collapsed to the ground almost had her wincing. What it did successfully accomplish was to draw the attention of the rest of her escort, and most of the other men immediately came running. Radid was only a few seconds behind, and he took his sweet time in sauntering to Irasis's side and crouching down next to him.

"What happened here, soldier?"

"The Nora whore," he seethed. "She - she attacked me! Unprovoked! Sir, she's _dangerous_."

Radid's eyebrows shot up in shock, and Aloy's heart sank. "I see. That would certainly be a problem." His gaze hardened. "If that's actually what had happened here."

"What, are you going to believe her account of events?" Irasis spat. "A Nora, who couldn't figure out anything more complicated than two sticks and a string?"

Radid's smile had too much bite to it to be considered friendly. "I don't need it, because I have my own."

Irasis gaped up at the kestrel, and it gave him all the appearance of a gutted fish.

"Do you really think I would be so stupid as to allow her to wander off, completely unwatched?" Radid growled, dropping his act and leaning over the other man. "Did you forget that I am a kestrel, one of the Sun-King's own elite soldiers? I know the games you've been playing, Irasis. You've put us all at risk, and now this attempt to defile a future lady?" He glanced over his shoulder. "Men, do any of you know the sentence for the crime of assaulting a noblewoman?"

The soldiers looked uncomfortable, but one of them hesitantly piped up, "It's a coward's crime, so he would be tied down in the desert and left to the Sun's judgement. Sir."

Radid gave a swift nod. "Very good. And I do believe we have a coward on our hands."

Irasis's chest began to heave, and his eyes bulged in panic. "N-no, please! I swear I didn't mean it!"

Ignoring him, Radid stood and turned to the other men, who immediately snapped to attention. "Take him back to camp and splint that arm. Don't be gentle."

"Yes, sir!"

Once the men had left with a pale, quaking Irasis in tow, the kestrel turned to Aloy, his eyes considerably softened. "Are you all right, my lady?"

"I'd be more worried about him." She eyed the older man. "I am wondering something, though."

"Yes?"

"Why are you going through all of this effort for a Nora savage?" she asked bluntly.

Surprisingly, Radid chuckled, and the line of his shoulders relaxed. "Besides the fact that I'd rather not capture the attention of your betrothed? I have a wife and young daughter myself. I couldn't imagine anyone speaking to either of them that way, and I will not allow it for anyone else's daughter. Although, I have to admit, you seem more than capable of defending yourself."

"My betrothed," Aloy said, testing out the word. She had heard her future mate referred to by that title many times, but hadn't yet used it herself. "Why do you think he'd be upset with my being treated poorly, if he's as bad as you say?"

"Khane Argir is...a complicated man," Radid replied, furrowing his brow. "He delights in bloodshed with a fervor exceeded only by Jiran's champion himself, but he also has an unusual sense of honor the Terror of the Sun lacks. It's a rare quality in times such as these, and one I can appreciate. If he found out you, his future wife and responsibility, were made to feel uncomfortable or hurt in any way, it would mean our hides."

"This whole thing is uncomfortable," Aloy muttered.

"That it is," he agreed. "I don't envy you, my lady. But for now, we must be getting back to camp. I'm sure my men have finished setting that broken bone, and Irasis shouldn't be a thorn in your side any longer."

With Irasis suitably cowed, the rest of the journey to Meridian passed uneventfully. The group wasn't far from Daytower when an enormous, winding tower came into view on the horizon. And next to it, hints of a vast, glittering city.

Meridian.

Radid explained that the tower was called The Spire, and it was sacred to the Carja. Apparently, the man who would become the first Sun-King, the Carja ruler, was led to the structure by Glinthawks - another new machine she had only recently beheld. The shadow the Spire cast fell upon the mesa, and it was there that the settlement which would one day become Meridian was built. Out of all of the myths and legends she had heard thus far, Aloy had to admit that this one at least sounded plausible.

Meridian grew and grew until Aloy could make out individual buildings, and eventually, the movement of people and carts over its many bridges. Despite the circumstances, she had to admit that it was an impressive sight, although that didn't stop her from feeling a great deal of nervousness the afternoon they were scheduled to arrive in the city.

"Here, wear this," Radid said, handing her yet another armful of fabric. "You have a rather unique appearance that your silks won't hide, and it's best that we avoid attention as we make our way to the Temple of the Sun. A cloak will help with that."

The prideful part of her wanted to protest, but the logical part of her begrudgingly agreed with the kestrel. With the cloak on, she was just another anonymous citizen, able to walk freely throughout the streets without notice. It worked beautifully, and it was a good thing, too, because the moment Aloy stepped into the city, she was overwhelmed.

The first thing she noticed was the volume. It began in force once their group stepped on to one of the bridges leading into Meridian, where her ears were immediately assaulted by a cacophony of voices. From deep bellows to shrill shrieks, all were talking over each other as if there were a competition to see who could speak the loudest. As if it could help, Aloy drew her hood more tightly around her head. Radid spared her a sympathetic glance.

The sheer amount of bodies was even worse. After a lifetime spent in the Embrace and barely coming into contact with others, suddenly being shoved about and touched by so many other people was a deeply uncomfortable experience. The air reeked of rancid sweat, bad breath, and a faint hint of urine that had Aloy's stomach rolling and bile rising up into her throat. Desperately, she hoped that her lodgings at this Temple of the Sun would be quieter and smell far better than the city at large.

Their trek to the temple was mercifully short, the relief Aloy felt once they came to a halt in front of a grand, dizzyingly tall building enough to have her shoulders drooping with relief. Outside, a man clothed in red robes awaited them, his chin tilted up imperiously. Judging by the ridiculous hood the man wore, this had to be one of the Sun Priests Radid had spoken of.

"Is this the bride?" the priest asked in a clipped, nasally voice. The disdain on his face was clearly visible even through his hood.

"Yes," Radid responded with a curt nod. "Did you need us to help escort her, or shall we take our leave?"

The priest waved him off. "No, no. I think I can handle a single girl. Savage or no."

Aloy wasn't certain the use of that word would ever stop inspiring white hot rage, but as usual, she kept it tightly bound through a locked jaw and hands curled into fists. After three weeks of enduring Irasis's abuse, her temper had at least gotten easier to control.

"Very well." Radid turned to Aloy, and although the stoic expression on his face hadn't changed, the kindness she had grown used to was gleaming in his amber eyes. "This is where I take my leave, my lady."

"Thank you, Radid," she said softly. "For everything."

"If you want to repay me, consider putting in a good word for me to your husband. And, my lady?" Aloy caught the slightest twitch of his lips as he turned to go. "May you always walk in the light."

"Come, girl. Quickly."

The Sun Priest was tall and gangly under those robes, his strides enormous, and Aloy had to almost break out into a jog to keep up. The passages he led her through were as intricately carved as they were winding, and although she tried to keep track of the direction of the turns they took, she soon gave up. It's not like she was planning on escaping anyway.

"You'll be married tomorrow at dawn, as is tradition," the priest explained as they walked. "You will sleep here tonight, and someone will wake you early to attend to you and make you look halfway presentable."

Aloy stumbled a bit in her surprise. "Tomorrow? Why so soon?"

"That is not for you to know," he snapped. "A good wife is silent, and you ought to learn that now before your husband inevitably punishes you for speaking out of turn."

Before Aloy could think to bite back the retort brewing in her, the priest came to a stop before an open door. 

"Your room," he said shortly. "Enter. Now. I have other, much more important matters to be attending to."

"I'm sure," Aloy muttered under her breath. 

The instant she stepped in the room, the wooden door slammed shut behind her. The sound of a key clicking in a lock echoed loudly throughout the space, and it took all of her willpower not to turn around and kick the door like a petulant child.

At the very least, the room was deathly quiet. Finally, Aloy felt as though she could think again, and the neatly made-up cot in the corner looked as comfortable as the most luscious pile of furs after three weeks on the road. With a sigh, she set down her pack, then wandered over to the bed and collapsed on to her back.

Aloy wasn't sure why she had expected people to treat her any differently in Meridian after Irasis. The Carja were as hateful of anyone outside of their tribe as the Nora were, with their reasoning being the only differing factor. Radid had been a rarity, apparently, and for a moment she wished it was him she was mating with rather than some mysterious warrior. He was older, yes, but he was at least kind, and she could see them becoming friends under different circumstances. The only problem would be carrying out an assassination. Aloy wasn't sure she could bring herself to kill someone who she actually liked.

Her sole comfort and hope was Radid's claim that her betrothed was an honorable man. The Carja wouldn't consider a man as such if he abused his wife, would they? After all, when Irasis had attempted to touch her, they had called what he had done a coward's crime. Between this and the kestrel's words, the notion of honor being connected to a person's actions within a mateship seemed plausible, but there was no way to be certain within the framework of such bizarre customs and beliefs. 

Rolling over, Aloy shut her eyes tightly. In the end, it didn't matter much beyond her personal comfort. Tomorrow, she'd meet the man she was to mate with, and all of her questions would be answered. For now, she would rest and try her damnedest not to think of home or Rost or any of the hardships to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to put this out there: I do not want criticism, constructive or otherwise, on this or any of my other fics. Writing is purely stress relief and a hobby for me. I save my energy to take concrit on my art, which will be my actual career once my daughter is in school. Even so, it's a good reminder that you shouldn't give unsolicited concrit on fanworks. This is all free and for fun, and if it's not to your tastes, there's plenty of other fic out there which will be!
> 
> Nil FINALLY shows up next chapter, which I'm sure you've all been waiting for. Until then!


	4. Chapter 3

When Aloy awoke the next morning, it was to a round, ruddy face lit by a jovial smile filling her entire field of vision. A startled yelp escaped her, and the stranger just barely dodged out of the way before she shot up into a sitting position.

"Good morning, my lady!" The person - an older woman about in her 50s - exclaimed, unperturbed despite almost being head-butted. "We've a lot to do, so it's time to get up!"

"Wh-what? Who are you?" Aloy gasped, pressing a palm over her thundering heart.

"My name's Kanah, my lady," she said brightly. "It's about three bells after midnight, and I'm here to get you ready for your big day!"

Some of her adrenaline finally faded away, and Aloy felt the full weight of the early hour and her lack of sleep bearing down on her.

"Wonderful," she muttered, rubbing at her eyes.

"Come on now! Get up!"

Wincing, Aloy managed to drag herself out of bed. Her forearm was immediately captured by Kanah, and the older woman began to tug her out of the tiny room.

"Wait - my things - "

"Someone will be along later to collect them and deliver them to your new home," Kanah chirped. "For now, you must be bathed and dressed."

A bath honestly didn't sound half bad after weeks of bathing in streams, so Aloy sighed and reluctantly allowed the other woman to lead her down the labyrinthine maze of hallways for the second time in twenty four hours. 

Eventually, they came to another door, this one much more impressive than the one to her room. Instead of wood, it was made of a metal of some kind with complicated geometric patterns etched into it. When Kanah pushed it open, a choking plume of steam came billowing out, and the woman flailed her arms around to clear it. Aloy was reminded of some small, round bird, like a chickadee.

Once the fog had cleared, she peered into the spacious room. Rather than being a tub as she had expected, the bath was built into the floor itself and as large as a small pond. Several buckets and bins ringed the pool, a few filled with colorful vessels, soaps, and patterned towels.

"Here we are, my lady," Kanah said brightly. "A ceremonial bath for you to be cleansed for your new husband."

"I'm sure he doesn't have to take one, knowing the Carja," Aloy said dryly.

"He most certainly does, my lady," she replied, guiding her the rest of the way into the room. "In fact, Khane Argir arrived about a half hour ago and is being attended to as we speak. Saw him myself as I was coming to wake you."

"What? He's here?" Aloy glanced about the clouded room frantically, as if her future mate would somehow materialise.

"Oh, yes." Kanah leaned in with a suggestive grin. "And he's an awfully handsome young man, if I do say so myself."

"I don't - "

"But don't you worry about him seeing you before you're ready," she continued over Aloy. "He's on the opposite side of the temple and will be waiting for you in the shadow of the Spire at dawn, as is tradition."

"Uh, okay." Aloy shifted uncomfortably. "I'm ready to take my bath now."

Kanah merely folded her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow.

"So...you can leave?"

"My lady, I must be the one to bathe you," she said firmly. "It's only proper. If you're feeling self-conscious, I can assure you that it's nothing I haven't seen before. I have attended to many, many ladies over my years at this temple."

"Really, I can do it myself - "

"My lady, I _insist_."

It was clear that there was no winning this argument - being bathed like a small child was yet another strange, uncomfortable custom of the Carja that Aloy apparently had no choice but to go along with. Blowing out a puff of air, she hurriedly stripped off her worn old sleeping clothes then slipped into the steaming waters of the bath as quickly as she could.

As soon as her feet touched the water, Aloy gave a hiss of delight. At the very least, the bath was the perfect temperature, pleasantly hot without being scalding, and her chilled skin instantly warmed and pinked up. Baths this heated were a rare commodity in the Sacred Lands, something she had only been allowed to indulge in during the coldest, darkest days of midwinter when it was the only thing which banished the chill from her bones.

Maybe not everything about the Carja way of life was bad.

Kneeling next to the bath, Kanah studied her through keen hazel eyes. "That hair of yours, my lady...you sleep like that?"

"I do," Aloy confirmed.

Gentle fingers begin to fiddle with the rolls and braids, and Aloy sighed, closing her eyes. She'd offer to help, but she knew what the answer was likely to be. This was probably going to take awhile.

"This kind of style can't be good for it," Kanah muttered, pulling out a couple of beads. They made a quiet plink as she placed them to the side. "How does one even maintain such a look?"

Aloy shrugged. "I don't often let my hair down. Putting it up like this keeps it out of my eyes, and it rarely comes loose. It's worked for me for years."

"Surely simply pulling it back would suffice," Kanah tsked. "But I do understand a girl's need for vanity. Even if I don't look it, I was young once too, you know."

With a soft laugh, Aloy found herself relaxing beneath the older woman's deft touch. Kanah seemed as kind as Radid was, and it was a good reminder that, just like the Nora, the Carja were not a monolith in attitudes and opinions.

"Normally your mother would help attend to you today," Kanah said softly. "It's unfortunate that she's not here to witness this."

That old wound twinged in Aloy's heart. "Oh, it, um, wouldn't have made a difference anyway. I don't have one."

"I'm sorry to hear that, my lady." Sympathy wove through Kanah's tone as she finished undoing Aloy's hair. "I do hope that your husband treats you kindly, and perhaps one day you'll be blessed enough to become a mother yourself."

"Why do you keep referring to him as a 'husband'?" Aloy asked hastily, unwilling to entertain the thoughts the older woman's words had inspired. "I thought we were to be mates."

"My, the Nora have such quaint customs!" Kanah tittered while she went to retrieve a bucket adorned with similar designs as those throughout the temple. "Forgive me, my lady. I should have explained. When a man and woman are joined together, we Carja call it marriage. The man is the husband, and the woman is the wife."

Aloy frowned. "Why the different terms for the same role?"

"Ah, but the roles aren't the same. Close your eyes, my lady." A bucketful of steaming water cascaded over Aloy's head in the next second, and once she had pushed the strands of wet hair from her eyes, Kanah continued. "A wife must always endeavor to serve and care for her husband, while a husband must always protect and provide for his wife. Much like Sun and Shadow, there is a balance to maintain. You might think of it as two halves, equally important to each other."

"I can protect myself, thank you very much," Aloy said, affronted. "And I am definitely not _serving_ anyone."

Kanah began to work some kind of sweet smelling concoction into her hair, perhaps a little more roughly than strictly necessary. 

"Be careful where you voice those opinions," she warned. "I understand that you're from the Savage East, but others may not be as forgiving as I am in the face of such crude ideas."

Forgetting the delicacy of her situation, Aloy bristled. "Crude? You have to admit that it's ridiculous, Kanah. Men aren't inherently better than women, and both are perfectly capable of filling similar roles."

"Even if that were the case, we all have our place beneath the Sun," Kanah replied distantly. "Now, kindly, my lady, please hush and let me do my job."

Begrudgingly, Aloy fell silent. The rest of the bath went mostly smoothly, the only hiccup being when Kanah attempted to lather soap over her body, including her most intimate areas. She was only willing to concede to these invasive customs to a point, and having someone else touch her like that crossed that line. At Aloy's fierce glare, the older woman threw up her hands and allowed her to do the job herself. 

One Aloy had been thoroughly dried and wrapped in a towel made of material more luxurious than even silk, Kanah led her through a door on the far side of the baths into yet another room. Inside was a rounded ottoman sitting before a table laid out with what appeared to be dozens of different cosmetics, and her eyes widened.

"Is all of that going on my face?" Aloy asked as she settled down onto the plush seat.

Kanah chuckled, bending over the table to examine a pot filled with a white lotion. "Not _all_ of it. I wasn't certain what would look best on you, so I brought several options. The only descriptors the priests gave me were 'as pale as the moon herself, with hair as red as flame'. Thankfully, I don't have to worry about your eyes, because we must keep those bare for Khane Argir to paint the marks of his House."

Aloy tilted her head. "Marks?"

"I forget how little you know of our customs. I might as well explain the entire ceremony at this point," Kanah sighed, dabbing some of the lotion onto her face. "At sunrise, you'll enter the most holy sanctum of the temple, where your betrothed will be waiting for you. He will help you up the stairs to the balcony facing the Spire, then you'll both kneel before the High Priest and say a series of vows - they aren't difficult, mind you, as long as you pay attention to what the Sun Priest says." Finished with rubbing the lotion into her face, she began to apply some kind of powder that made Aloy's nose itch. "Khane Argir will proceed to claim you for his House and draw his markings on your eyes. There will be a kiss to seal the vows, and the ceremony will conclude. After, he will lead you to your new home, where both of you will retire for the rest of the day."

"A kiss?" Aloy said faintly.

"I'd be more concerned about consummating the marriage," Kanah hummed. She paused, peering over Aloy. "You do know about that part, right? If not, I can explain - "

"No, I'm good!" Aloy said hurriedly, her cheeks heating. "It's something I've been, erm, preparing myself for."

"If he's gentle, it won't be so bad," Kanah said kindly. "Even if he's not, men are easy enough to please in bed, and it should be over with quickly. A warm bath should help soothe any aches afterwards, and I can send along a cream that may help as well."

"That's...very kind of you, Kanah," Aloy said softly. "I'd appreciate that."

The only kind of makeup she had ever worn was a smear of charcoal on her eyelids, the sole selfish vanity she could afford as an outcast, and she quickly found out that a full face of makeup was an entirely different animal. The time it took to apply was bad enough, but the fact that she couldn't touch her face irritated Aloy to no end. Kanah had to scold her several times for smudging the delicate powders and creams, dragging out the process even longer. 

And after that ordeal, there was the matter of her hair. As she smoothed an oily concoction into it, Kanah proclaimed how delighted she was by both its thickness and color. The styling, at least, didn't take very long - one long braid secure her bangs back and a tie to gather the ends up was all it took for the attendant to be satisfied. Her hair, she explained, should add to the effect of her dress, not distract from it.

Finally, after what seemed like hours had passed, Aloy was released from her suffering and finally allowed to stand again. 

While she stretched out her stiff limbs, Kanah disappeared into yet another room. When the Carja woman returned, it was with a delicate-looking, colorful armful of fabric.

"This was Khane Argir's mother's dress," Kanah explained, holding up the garment. "I'm told she passed away some time ago, and he specifically requested that you wear it."

The dress, simply put, was beautiful. Layers upon layers of finely spun silk draped down artfully over each other as Kanah unfurled it the entire way. The deep purple underskirt was studded with tiny white gems which sparkled brilliantly everytime they caught the light, while the bodice, overskirts, ribbons, and long sleeves were comprised of many complex patterns of gold and red. All in all, the dress had the ethereal effect of being created from the stuff of dawn itself. It was finery and frivolity of the highest magnitude, but Aloy couldn't help but admire the fine craftsmanship.

 _I'm already growing too soft_ , she thought crossly.

As Kanah wound each new layer of the complex outfit around her, Aloy couldn't help but consider what this gesture said about her betrothed. Perhaps it was the part of her that yearned for her own mother, but any man who would honor his in such a way couldn't be all bad. Then again, perhaps he had little in the way of other options, and this was simply what he could come up with on short notice. 

"Oh, my lady," Kanah sighed dreamily once she had finished tying the last sash around Aloy's waist. "If only looking glasses weren't so rare. If you could see what a picture you make...ah, but there's one more piece."

Aloy only had a minute to wonder before Kanah came back with what appeared to be an artfully crafted sculpture of machine parts affixed to a gauzy fabric. The white pieces were sewn together by a thick red thread and accented by golden pigments. Despite the intricacy of the item, it looked surprisingly sturdy.

"Your veil, for your husband to reveal you beneath the Sun's light," Kanah said solemnly.

It wasn't much different than the head pieces Aloy had seen many Braves wear to protect themselves in battle. Perhaps she could consider this as armor of another kind, for when the veil fell over her eyes as Kanah pinned it to her head, it obscured her vision by turning everything to a fuzzy pink hue. The slight barrier would allow her to observe her mate with some level of discretion, to begin to figure out all of his weaknesses and how she would ultimately take him down.

"I think we're done here, my lady," Kanah said, a grin blooming on her face as she swept her gaze over Aloy. "And not a moment too soon. The Sun's rising is imminent. Are you ready?"

"No." Aloy choked out a bitter laugh. "But that doesn't really matter."

When Kanah took her arm to guide her through yet another door into yet another hallway, she gave it a squeeze and a pat. "I know. It's not easy, but we all must play our part. Know that I wish the best for you, my lady. Now, walk forward - _carefully_ , mind you, that dress is fragile - and take your first left. Continue going that way, and you shall find the Sun Priest and your betrothed waiting for you."

"You're not coming with me?"

Kanah's smile was rueful as she dropped her hold on Aloy. "Oh no, my lady. Temple slaves aren't allowed to attend noble weddings."

"Temple slave?" Aloy's eyes widened, but as soon as she turned back towards the older woman, she disappeared back into the room and closed the door with a decisive thunk.

Rage simmered within her, hot and uncontrollable. It was enough to have her leaning against the closest wall to steady herself. 

It really shouldn't have been this much of a shock. Beneath the gilded facade of Meridian existed something hideous, something no gold or other such useless finery could mask. If the Carja could stoop so low as to enslave their own people, it was no wonder they were relentlessly invading the Sacred Lands. Human life seemed to be of little value to them, and the fact that Aloy not only had to live with such attitudes, but take advantage of them made her sick to her stomach. Did her betrothed own slaves? Would she be expected to order other human beings around as if they were property?

Aloy finally managed to calm herself enough to begin to move forward, but it remained difficult not to let her despair and feelings of helplessness overwhelm her. Even if she was able to dispatch her husband, what would become of the Carja slaves? The Nora certainly wouldn't bother to help in any way - slave or not, all outlanders were considered faithless and therefore tainted. 

The gears of her mind began to turn as she made the left turn as Kanah had instructed, and new purpose took root inside of Aloy. After the kind of life she had led, she refused to stand idly by and watch others suffer. She'd figure out a way to help, even if it were a small one, and she'd do it all while playing her part in the treaty. 

How had Kanah phrased it? They all had their place beneath the Sun. 

But that didn't mean Aloy couldn't work within those bounds to subvert them at every turn.

Squaring her shoulders, she held her head high as she walked forward with tiny, mincing steps that were as foreign to her as her surroundings. Ahead, a balcony opened up to an impressive view, framing the Spire perfectly in the center. And on either side, lit by the soft glow of the oncoming dawn, stood two men, one of them clad in the distinctive garb of a Sun Priest. 

The other, her soon-to-be husband.

With every step Aloy took, she could make out more and more details of his appearance. The very first thing she noticed was how enormous he was, and not just in how he stood what looked to be a full head taller than her. He was broad, packed with powerful muscle which promised a deadly strength. It's not as though she expected anything different from a talented warrior such as he, but she knew she would have to tailor her strategy to his physical advantage when she went to put him down.

Like Radid, Khane Argir was a kestrel, and he wore the same scaled metal armor that left his pale chest exposed but for a painted sigil in the motif of a stylized bird. Resting atop his head was that familiar red-plumed headdress and mask, concealing most of the upper half of his face but for cutting silver eyes which wouldn't have looked out of place on a predator animal. He looked as threatening and imposing as the legends she had heard, more mythic monster come to life than man.

But when Aloy drew close enough to reach out and touch him, he pulled his helmet off. Her sharp intake of breath went unnoticed.

Hair as black as oil to match the goatee around his mouth spilled out on to his shoulders, the top half tied back to accent the sharp features of his face. Somehow, the eeriness of his eyes had been stripped away with the removal of his mask, and when he stepped down a couple of the stairs and held out one large hand to her, they grew as warm as an early summer day. 

Unable to look away from that penetrating gaze, Aloy laid her hand in his. Long fingers as warm as his eyes curled around it, and when Khane Argir helped her up the stairs and to his side, she could have sworn she felt him give her hand a reassuring squeeze. The hope she had nurtured in her chest since the beginning of this ordeal spread its wings, beating them in time with the pounding of her heart.

The man who would marry them was the very same Sun Priest who had locked her in the guest room yesterday. Aloy had to suppress a hostile glare when he leveled her with a look of disdain. Predictably, when his eyes flickered over to Khane Argir, they contained much more respect.

"Sahad Khane Argir and Aloy of the Nora, kneel before the shadow of the Spire and the light of Sun."

 _Sahad_. Was that his true name? To her surprise, when she kneeled down before her betrothed, she caught him mouthing what looked like her own name as he set his helmet aside. When he noticed her looking at him, Khane Argir gave her a slight grin, and she dropped her gaze to where her hands rested in her lap.

"As the Sun's holy rays bring about the start of a new day, so too does it light the beginning of this sacred union between man and women," the priest dictated. "Marriage is a great milestone upon the sunlit path of every Carja, where each man or woman becomes one with his or her other half…"

While the Sun Priest prattled on, Aloy chanced a glance back up at Khane Argir, frowning behind her veil when she noticed he was still staring at her. Quite honestly, she had no idea how to feel or what to make of him. He hadn't yet spoken a single word, but the way he looked at her contained none of the loathing of Irasis or the disgust of the Sun Priest. Nor did it hold the kindness of Radid or the fondness of Kanah. Already, he was a puzzle she was determined to solve, and she studied him carefully until the priest changing his voice to an instructional cadence tore her from her concentration.

"Sahad Khane Argir, before you sits Aloy of the Nora, she who is to be bound to you as wife and partner. Repeat these vows:

Aloy of the Nora, beneath the light of the Sun, I claim you as my wife."

"Aloy of the Nora, beneath the light of the Sun, I claim you as my wife." His voice was deep and surprisingly soothing, and the distinctive way his lips curled around her name had something in Aloy's stomach fluttering unnervingly.

"You are the Shadow to my Sun, the Sun to my Shadow," the priest said. "As those two are bound, so are we, until darkness separates us."

"You are the Shadow to my Sun, the Sun to my Shadow. As those two are bound, so are we, until darkness separates us."

Aloy dutifully repeated the same vows, relieved when she only stumbled over the words once. She swore she could see Khane Argir's lips quirk.

"Like the brazen splendor of the Sun at dawn unveils the new day, so too shall you unveil your bride."

Slowly, as though not to frighten her, Khane Argir reached out to take the thin fabric of her veil between his fingers. As he lifted it, his chest rose with a single deep breath, and once he had folded it neatly over her headdress, his grey eyes widened. For the first time, Aloy beheld the man who would imminently become her husband without anything between them. All she could wonder was what he was thinking in the moment - and why he kept staring at her so intently.

The priest continued, lifting his hands this time. "While I speak the names of those great men who came before you, Sahad Khane Argir, paint the marks of your House upon Aloy of the Nora's eyes, the same marks His Radiance Sun-King Araman himself once painted upon your forefather."

While the Sun Priest droned on and on, Khane Argir reached into one of his pouches and produced a black stick of something similar to pressed charcoal. Bending close, he slid his fingers under her chin and tilted it up. As soon as his skin made contact with hers, Aloy jumped as though a spark of static electricity had passed between them, and his eyes softened in response.

"Don't be afraid," he whispered, almost too quietly to hear as he brought the stick to her eyes. "I won't hurt you."

 _Maybe not now, but you'll try. That's how this has to end_ , Aloy thought stubbornly, but her traitorous body relaxed all the same.

Khane Argir's hands were quick and deft, and by the time the priest had finished listing off the names of his ancestors, he had pulled away and was once again sitting politely with his hands in his lap. Aloy assumed that she now sported similar markings to those under his eyes - a smudge of black with a line capped by a circle protruding from the center - and she fleetingly wondered what they looked like on her.

"Aloy of the Nora, with these marks, I, Sahad Khane Argir, bring you into the shelter and protection of my House," he said, his voice loud enough to echo throughout the chamber. "With the Sun as my witness, you shall henceforth be known as Aloy Khane Argir."

"So it is spoken, so shall it be. As the Sun has now risen, I bid you both to also rise to your feet, reborn into this new day as husband and wife," the Sun Priest commanded. 

Aloy eyed Khane Argir's hand distastefully. If it weren't for the many layers of the dress - too many, in her opinion - she would have been perfectly capable of standing herself. She wasn't keen on falling on her face, however, so she swallowed her pride and took his hand once more. 

He grabbed her other one, and Aloy had to bite back the impulse to yank them both away, because she had a good idea of what was coming next.

"With the Sun as your witness, Sahad Khane Argir, kiss your new wife to seal this most holy of bonds."

In an instant, her husband's face changed. His lips twisted sardonically, and Aloy braced herself as he leaned forward to press them to hers. They were firm and unyielding, as though he were pursing his lips shut tightly to make as little contact with her as possible. The kiss mercifully only lasted for a couple of seconds, and it was a good thing too, because any longer and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to resist slapping him. The closest she'd ever been to another person, and it was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of her life, one she absolutely would not be repeating. She hadn’t seen the appeal of kissing another person before and _definitely_ didn’t see it now.

When Khane Argir jerked away, his expression was steeped in disgust. Stepping back, he turned his head and spat on the ground, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand for good measure. The Sun Priest let loose a cruel laugh. Thoroughly humiliated, all she could do was turn away to hide the angry flush heating her cheeks. At that moment, the only thing Aloy could think about was how good it would feel to sink a dagger into her husband's heart.

"Come, wife," he said harshly. After bending to retrieve his helmet, he turned to stalk off in the direction of what Aloy assumed to be the exit.

Radid had been wrong. Her own initial impression of Khane Argir had been wrong. In fact, the only one who had been right about anything in this situation was Rost. The man in front of her held not an ounce of honor within him, and as she reluctantly followed after him in her stupid, ridiculous dress, the only thing Aloy could do was curse herself for being so naive. This was about survival, not her comfort, and it was time to set aside childish hopes and consider the facts - like how she was going to have to negotiate going to bed with this awful man.

Khane Argir's strides were smooth and long, forcing her to quicken her pace to keep up with him. Which ended up being why she almost crashed into him when he came to a sudden stop.

Aloy followed the line of his gaze in irritated confusion, her eyes landing on a man she hadn't noticed before, probably because he was mostly obscured by shadow. He stepped forward into the light, and she got a good enough look at him to discern fine silks, a goatee, grey hair, grey eyes - and beneath those, markings the exact same as her husband's.

A weary, sad smile touched the older man's lips, and he gave a slow nod. "Sahad. Congratulations."

His icy eyes narrowed to slits, Khane Argir stood stock still while he studied the strange man. Something passed between the two, something heavy which Aloy couldn't quite understand but left the air charged with a nervous electricity. Then, as if jerked up by some invisible string, her husband straightened and craned his head back in her direction. His voice more commanding than before, again he barked out, "Come, wife."

Between her lack of sleep, the constricting cage of her dress, and being treated abhorrently by practically every Carja she had come in contact with, Aloy had had just about enough. Treaty or not, no one had the right to speak to her that way, and she wasn't about to spend months, perhaps years pretending to tolerate it. 

Storming forward, she grabbed at her husband's arm. "Sahad, right? My name is Aloy, not _wife_. You know, in case you forgot within the last five minutes."

Shock and some indiscernible emotion flashed over his face, but in the next moment, he bared his teeth at her and said, "I don't particularly care what your name is, or who you were before today. You are now my wife, and that means you must obey me regardless of what your feelings on the matter are. And you are only to refer to me as Nil from now on, understood? Good. Now, walk."

Before she realized what she was doing, Aloy had balled a hand into a tight fist and was pulling it back behind her. At her husband's - _Nil_ , apparently - skeptically raised eyebrow, she faltered.

Rost. The Nora children. The Carja slaves. How was she to help any of them if she ruined this before she had a chance to make an impact?

Exhaling through gritted teeth, Aloy slowly dropped her first and reluctantly uncurled her fingers. Seemingly satisfied, her husband's face became as still and as hard as stone before he turned, put his helmet back on, and made his way out of the Temple of the Sun and onto the streets of Meridian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm...what is going on with Nil? 🤔
> 
> You may recognize some of those made-up wedding vows from my other Red Raids AU, We Know Who Our Enemies Are! I already had them, might as we use them.
> 
> We also officially have the scene the cover is based off of! Nil holding his hand out to Aloy at dawn. 🥰
> 
> One thing I found out recently that was interesting was, according to Guerrilla's official Aloy cosplay guide, she actually does wear some kind of eyeliner on her upper lid (which I've definitely noticed in my photomodes, but always thought was just the way her lids naturally were). The more you know!
> 
> Your reminder, once again, that there's no dub or noncon in this fic!!
> 
> See yinz next week!


	5. Chapter 4

Unfortunately, it appeared as though word of the wedding had gotten out to the general public. The first thing Aloy noticed when she stepped outside was several people in finery she knew now was typical of nobles loitering outside the Temple of the Sun. As soon as her and Nil stepped outside, their gazes snapped to the couple like vigilant Watchers. The whispers followed soon after.

"By the Sun, is that her?"

"Quiet - if he hears you - "

"Cleaned up awfully well for a savage."

"What a lovely dress, wasted on such a brutish woman. Why, her arms are so... muscular!"

"It _was_ a punishment, I suppose."

"I'll bet Sahidi is rolling in her grave."

The last one was what got Nil's attention. Like a hawk who had caught sight of prey, he whipped his head in the direction of the gossiping crowd and fixed them with a piercing glare.

The nobles drew back at once, and one even let loose a muffled gasp.

"Don't you have anything better to do with yourselves?" he said disdainfully, his voice loud enough to carry throughout the courtyard. "Disperse. Now. That's an order."

Nil kept his eyes riveted onto the other nobles until they reluctantly wandered off, a few of them brave (or stupid, perhaps) enough to look visibly put out. Once they were gone, he shook his head and made a disgusted noise.

"Boastful, wretched children, all of them," he muttered. 

Glancing abruptly back down at Aloy, as though he had just remembered that she was still there, Nil wordlessly jerked his head in the direction of the street. Without waiting to see if she was following or not, he took off at a brisk gait. She trailed after him with an irritated sigh, holding her head as high as ever.

For Aloy, this was just a different flavor of what she had to put up with as an outcast, and the Carja were even less creative in their variety of insults. A large part of her was viciously pleased by how her husband wasn't as accustomed to hateful words flung at him by total strangers as she was. If she had to guess, she'd say that Nil was used to the kind of respect birthed out of fear. Unfortunately for him, it seemed as though the gossip potential of his being married to a Nora savage was too much for his fellow nobles to resist.

 _A powerful warrior in his own right, but too weak to handle the taste of his own medicine_ , she thought smugly.

Despite the early hour, Meridian was already teeming with people going about their business. The way they weaved between one another in an effortless dance made it seem as though the city dwellers were in possession of an uncanny ability to sense their fellow citizens' movements. It reminded Aloy a lot of a colony of ants, actually. Each individual had a role to play out, each person had a place to be, like they were all cogs in a greater machine.

Some of them were less enthusiastic about their place than others, Aloy noted, as she watched a miserable-looking old woman carry a sack of grain on her trembling back. She itched to offer to help with the burden, something she wouldn't have hesitated to do for her neighbor Odd Grata back home in the Embrace, but between the dress and the overbearing presence of her new husband, she was worse than useless at the moment.

As they walked and left the markets outside of the temple behind, the crowds began to thin. The section of the city they were headed towards appeared to be entirely residential, and as the number of people dwindled, so too did the amount of noise. By the time Nil stopped in front of a neatly kept building with a row of doors, only a few Carja were quietly milling about, and even they fled into the early morning shadows when they caught sight of her new husband.

After glancing around warily, Nil removed his headdress. Rather than the arrogance Aloy would have expected to see on his face, he looked almost…tired.

"Welcome home, Aloy," he said, inclining his head towards a door on one corner of the building. 

With a frown, Aloy examined the place. The door appeared to be made out of cast bronze, and four identical windows with ornamental shutters of some other kind of wrought metal - one next to the door on the first floor, and two on the second - studded the red brick exterior. Beneath each window hung a large box which ran the width of it. Her curiosity getting the better of her, she walked over to the first floor window and peered into the box there, perplexed when she saw that it was filled with soil, of all things.

"They're called planters," Nil explained from behind her, and Aloy immediately stepped a few paces off to the side when she realized how close he was. He didn't seem to mind. "For flowers, to brighten up the place a bit. I bought seeds, and you're welcome to plant them sometime. Or I can, if you don't want to."

When Aloy's only response was to stare at him blankly, he shrugged and walked up the small set of stone stairs leading to the front door. Producing a key from another one of the pouches hooked to his belt, he stuck it into the lock, turned it, then pushed the door open.

"After you," Nil said, flashing her an easy grin.

By this point, Aloy was thoroughly confused, not to mention more than a little suspicious. After the way Nil had behaved during the ceremony, this out of the blue kindness was glaringly suspect. She wondered if his change in attitude was intended to put her at ease before they coupled, when it was in fact having the opposite effect on her. Things would have been much easier if she knew exactly where she stood with him, rather than being stuck in this uncomfortable limbo with a man she barely knew but would be sharing a life and home with. But as had been the case throughout this entire ordeal, she didn't have much of a choice in the matter. 

Sucking up all of her pride, Aloy stepped over the threshold and into what was to be her home for the foreseeable future.

The first thing she noticed was how wastefully large the place was. There was enough space to sleep twenty tribesmen, and after spending her entire life in Rost's cozy hut, it was almost too much. It didn't help that the only furniture was a couple of wooden chairs, a flat, padded bench, and a cheerfully painted wooden table sitting close to a simmering hearth on the other end. 

"This is way too big for just two people," Aloy blurted out.

Nil had just set his helmet on the table, and he turned to her with an even larger grin than the one he had given her outside. "Ah, so she does speak."

"My mistake," Aloy muttered.

"This will all go a lot more smoothly if we're able to hold a civil conversation, you know," Nil said lightly. "Now, I'm sure they didn't feed you at the temple. Are you hungry?"

Shaking her head, she folded her arms over her chest and refused to look at him.

"I suppose accepting something from me at this  
juncture would be too much," Nil sighed, then pointed to a small door on the wall next to the hearth. "Still, I understand. If you do decide to eat eventually, there's maizebread, cured meat, and several varieties of fruit there in the pantry. I didn't know what you would like to eat, so I picked up a bit of everything. Normally, there would be a feast with both of our families present, but, well..."

"Where did they put my bags?" Aloy demanded, ignoring his other words. "I want to change."

"That, I can help you with," he said, tilting his head. "Follow me."

A wooden flight of stairs sat in the back of the room opposite the front door, and she followed after him apprehensively. While single Nora slept in the communal bunkhouses, most mated couples tended to share a hut and a bed, and she wondered if the Carja functioned similarly. The idea of having to sleep next to Nil was deeply unpleasant, especially considering the awkward positions they could end up in throughout the night. Frankly, Aloy would rather _not_ wake up in the morning spooning someone she was supposed to be plotting to kill.

At the top of the stairs was a tiny hallway with two doors, and Nil opened the one to the left, then stepped aside politely. 

"This is your bedroom," he explained.

"We're not sharing? Don't Carja mates - er, husbands and wives - share a bed?" Aloy asked before she could stop herself.

Nil snorted and waved her off. "It's variable with noble couples, but I wouldn't be so uncouth as to inflict myself on you like that."

Some of the tension in her melted away as she stepped inside her new bedroom, as he had called it (Aloy was of the opinion that one person having an entire room to themselves was excessive, but she wasn't going to give voice to that). Oddly, it was much more finely furnished than the rest of the house. Intricately woven tapestries and framed pictures of machines covered the stone walls, and a large, plush-looking bed absolutely swamped in pillows of all colors, shapes, and sizes sat invitingly in the corner. On top of all of that sat her belongings, and Aloy breathed a quiet sigh of relief - she was more than ready to change out of her wedding dress and into the comfortable, casual silks Radid had gifted her. 

Across from the bed was an unlit fireplace, while in the other corner of the room was a sturdy-looking wooden desk with another one of those rounded ottomans she had seen in the Temple of the Sun tucked beneath it. 

"There's freshly laundered clothing in the wardrobe," Nil spoke up, and she glanced over at him out of reflex. "And as far as the decor goes, you're more than welcome to change it. When I found out my wife was to be Nora, I tried to search for furs, but I'm sure you understand those are considered an exotic good here in Meridian, and anything larger than trim is hard to acquire on short notice. If you prefer those to silks, I can commission a special order."

When Aloy yet again didn't respond, too befuddled by his strangely kind actions to speak, Nil stepped back and gripped the door handle.

"Take the rest of the day to yourself, Aloy," he said with a crooked smile. "You've certainly earned it."

For reasons she didn't fully understand, Aloy stared at the door long after it had clicked shut.

It was the veil falling over her eyes once again which reminded her of what she had come up here to do. After grabbing her Focus from her bags and clipping it back onto her ear, she carefully lifted the ornate jewelry from her head and walked the few paces to the desk to place it there. That was when a piece of paper with a small object sitting on top caught her eye.

Aloy picked up the object first. It only took her a second to realize that it was a carved wooden dragonfly, and she lifted it closer to her eyes to inspect it. The detail was astounding for such a tiny sculpture, from the webbing on the wings to the segmented sections of the body. It was whimsical and frivolous, and she found herself smiling slightly. But why had it been left here on her desk like this?

The paper beneath it - a note - offered clarity, and Aloy felt her newborn smile slip away as her Focus translated the Carja glyphs and she began to read it.

_Beginnings are often as bitter as ends. The dragonfly, more than any other creature, understands that._

_-Nil_

Her lip curled of its own accord, and before she registered what she was doing, Aloy picked up the dragonfly, crumpled up the paper, and hurled them both into the fireplace. The tiny plink the gorgeous little sculpture made as it hit the stone lining inside had a brief pang of guilt throbbing in her chest, but she shoved that away. Well-made or not, it was something from _him_ , and the mocking words of his note stung her more than she would've liked to admit. The best possible use for this cruel gift was kindling for the fire she would light later to keep her warm in the cold of the desert night. At least then, it would have a real use.

That minor annoyance dealt with, she stared down at herself with an appraising frown as she puzzled out how best to get herself out of the dress. Aloy probably should have paid more attention when Kanah had dressed her, but in her defense, her mind had been occupied by other, more pressing matters.

She handled each piece of the garment with care, laying them out on top of her bed in a neat pile. The ties and sashes were easy enough to remove, as were the floaty top layers. It was when she got to the last and tightest underlayer that she started to run into issues. 

Try as she might - and she did, for about a half an hour - Aloy couldn't manage to wiggle out of the delicate silk. It laced up in the back and fit her as well as a finely made dagger sheath, supporting and showcasing parts of her body she had never given much thought to beforehand. Unfortunately, that also meant that without a helping hand, she wouldn't be able to free herself from it.

She supposed she _could_ attempt to tear herself out of it, but something about the idea of the beautiful dress being ruined beyond repair didn't sit right with her. Aloy may have hated her husband, but destroying an heirloom belonging to his dead mother felt like a step too far. The last thing she wanted to do was stoop to his level.

That left her with little choice. As loathe as she was to admit it, Aloy needed Nil's help to get out of the final piece of the outfit.

Pushing open her door, she poked her head out to look around and listen. No sounds beyond the distant hustle and bustle of the city could be heard, and she slipped out of the room and closed the door behind her with a soft click. Nil was likely downstairs, so she slowly descended the stairs, still making sure to be mindful of her steps.

When the floorboards of the first floor creaked under her weight, Aloy scanned the space with a confused frown. No sight of her husband. Perhaps the pantry? 

Her belly growled loudly as soon as her eyes landed on the variety of food he had procured. Fruits both familiar and note, multiple types of jerky, a spongy, yellow cake that must be the maizebread he spoke of...but still no sign of Nil. 

Aloy's stomach protested its emptiness yet again, and she sighed in defeat. A quick snack wouldn't hurt anything. The maizebread in particular looked easy enough to eat quickly, so she reached over a shelf to pick up a pre-sliced chunk. 

As soon as she bit into it, crumbly, decadent sweetness spread through her mouth. Aloy was glad she had closed the panty door behind her, because the guttural moan she gave was downright embarrassing in both its volume and enthusiasm. Once she had finished devouring the bread and her stomach had finally quieted, she determinedly brushed some errant crumbs off of her chest and pushed out of the pantry to continue looking for her husband.

If Nil wasn't downstairs, that meant he had either left altogether or was upstairs in the room next to hers. By the time Aloy reached the landing at the top once again, her heart was pounding as rapidly as the hoofbeats of a startled Strider for reasons she couldn't discern. Steeling herself, she raised her fist to knock at the door.

There was a shuffling inside, then seconds later the door was yanked open roughly, and Aloy came face to face with an entirely bare chest.

Not that it hadn't been that way before, but the black sigil Nil had painted there in addition to his other armor had done a lot to cover him up. Now, he stood before her wearing nothing but a pair of loose purple slacks which ended at his knees. His long, black locks were slicked back and damp, and his chest glimmered with beads of moisture. She watched as one quivered, broke free, and rolled down the sculpted hills and valleys of his abdomen.

Aloy couldn't help her wide-eyed stare, nor the heat which rose from her neck and up into her face like an allergic reaction. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. 

"Yes? What is it?" 

Nil sighed when several seconds passed, and she didn't respond. "You ought to start using your words, or this is going to be a frustrating experience for the both of us."

"The dress," she finally managed. "I can't get out of it. I, uh. I need your help."

Her husband's grey eyes widened almost imperceptibly, then once again became as flat and hard as slate. 

"Go to your room," he said shortly. "I'll be there in a few minutes."

Aloy rolled her eyes. "Sorry to be such an inconvenience to you, _husband_. I'll try to avoid that in the future, believe me."

Nil had already turned to go, his hand raised to the door handle. He paused, the line of his shoulders growing taut. But when he glanced back over his shoulder at her, his gaze had lightened considerably.

"You're not at all an inconvenience, Aloy, and I'm sorry I've made you feel that way. I only need a few minutes, then I'll be right in."

After he had closed the door, she huffed and stormed off into her room, folding her arms in front of her chest while she waited.

Who exactly _was_ Nil? Only a few hours into their marriage, and he had already shifted his personality and demeanor so many times, Aloy wasn't entirely sure that he wasn't part chameleon. Whatever he was, she didn't like it in the slightest. As predictable as they were, people very rarely caught her off guard, but Nil was an entirely different story. It would make figuring out the best way to end him all the more difficult, and she wasn't looking forward to getting close enough to him to parse out his weaknesses.

Ten or so minutes passed, and finally, Nil - wearing a simple silk shirt this time, Aloy was relieved to note - emerged from his room.

"Let's see here," he hummed, circling around her at a polite distance. "You'll forgive me if I'm not exactly up to speed on ladies' fashion and how to remove it."

The barb she could have thrown at him was all too tempting, but this time, Aloy took the high road.

"Wasn't this your mother's, though?" 

"It was," he confirmed. "But I didn't spend much time looking over it after she died. It sat in storage collecting dust until about a week ago, actually."

Unsure of what to say to that, Aloy dropped her gaze to her feet.

"I think Kanah, the woman who took care of me this morning, closed it up from the back," she offered hesitantly, after a few more seconds had elapsed.

"Ah! I see now," Nil exclaimed.

The slight pressure from his fingers grazing over the fastenings elicited an uncontrollable shiver from her, and he stopped immediately.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry, I should have warned you before I touched you - "

"I'm fine!" Aloy interjected hastily, cursing the flush blooming once again in her cheeks like a disease. "Just...let's get this over with."

"I'm rather upset that they didn't feed you this morning," Nil commented as he went to work on undoing her dress again. The sound of his voice was the perfect distraction from the odd feelings his fingers were inspiring in her, and she latched onto it frantically. "Especially after putting all of this effort into your appearance. I'll have to have a word with the Sun Priests."

"Don't!" Her voice came out louder and more forceful than she had intended. Nil's hands stilled once again.

"I'll respect your wishes, but may I ask why?"

"Kanah...she's a slave," she said, clenching her fists. "I don't want her getting in trouble, and All-Mother knows how you Carja punish people who you see as nothing more than objects to be bought, sold, and used. She was the only one who's been kind to me besides the kestrel who brought me to Meridian and…" Aloy trailed off, swallowing. She had almost forgotten who she was talking to. "I don't know why I'm bothering. I'm surprised you don't own slaves yourself."

Nil's voice was exacting and dangerous when he responded. "I don't see any appeal in keeping human beings as property. In fact, I find it rather disgusting and dishonorable, and I'd appreciate it if, in the future, you didn't imply otherwise. Or allow this shared opinion of ours to leave this house. Meridian is a dangerous place, and you must learn to speak carefully." His tone softened. "But you make a very good point. I won't say anything to the Sun Priests. You have my word."

Aloy let loose a breath she hadn't known she'd be holding. As bad as he was, Nil and her at least agreed on this. Common ground was something she could work with.

Still...

_A Carja's word isn't good for much._

Rost's words echoed in her head, and her hands tightened into fists.

She must learn to speak carefully, indeed.

"I can do that," Aloy finally said, and his hands began to move again.

"This kestrel," he mused after a moment. "Do you remember his name?"

"It was Radid." Aloy saw no harm in putting in a good word to her husband, as the man had requested. "He didn't allow the other soldiers to speak poorly of me, and it made my journey here much easier."

Nil made a mildly surprised noise. "Yes, I know of him. He's an honorable man and a good commander, so I'm not surprised he kept his men in line. I'll be sure to thank him next time our paths cross."

Before she could stop herself, Aloy said, "He's afraid of you." 

Speaking carefully was going to be a skill she'd need to practice, apparently.

"Most people are," he replied indifferently. "Rumors spread like blood. It's something I've grown used to."

Her curiosity growing too insistent to ignore, Aloy finally gave voice to a question she had been pondering since her first day out of the Embrace.

"Is this any truth to them?" she asked hesitantly. "The rumors."

"There's a kernel of truth to be found in most stories, no matter how outlandish," Nil replied cryptically. His hands finally left her, and her back felt curiously chilled despite the warm day. He gave a polite cough. "You should be able to take that off now."

It occurred to Aloy then that she was standing in a bedroom mostly undressed, next to her brand new husband. With whom she was supposed to be consummating a marriage in the immediate future. This realization banished all of her musings on Nil's past exploits, and when she turned around to face him, clutching the loosened fabric of the shift to her chest, it was with blazingly hot cheeks and an inability to make eye contact.

If she absolutely had to couple with him, it would probably be best to do it while they were both still being cordial with each other. Maybe it would be easier if she put herself in the mindset that this was another obstacle to be overcome, and maybe in time she'd even grow used to having to go to bed with him. Pulling in an enormous breath of air to steady herself and keeping all that was at stake in the forefront of her mind, Aloy began to work her arms out of the dress.

"Well, I suppose that's my cue to leave." When she was finally able to bring herself to glance up at Nil again, she could have sworn there was a faint blush of his own dusting his cheeks. 

"No, it's not." Aloy shook her head firmly, continuing to wiggle out of the shift. "If we have to mate, I'd rather - "

Before she could work the shift down over her breasts, her husband's hand shot out and tugged it right back up. 

"That's" - he cleared his throat - "that's not happening, I'm afraid. I'm not going to force myself on someone who's unwilling. Especially not you."

"I _am_ willing!" Aloy protested. "This marriage is part of the treaty, and coupling is a part of mating - I mean, marriage."

"You are not," Nil returned. "And I won't have you otherwise. I'm all for ceding to desires, but this is not one of yours."

Indignation welled up in her. "I've been preparing myself for this since the day I left home!"

"Is that so?"

His expression unreadable but for a slight tremor of his lips, Nil reached out to brush his fingers over the curve of her cheek, dragging them down until they were only a couple centimeters from her lips. Although Aloy tried her hardest to hold it back, to keep calm, she still flinched. He immediately pulled his hand away.

And when he lifted his fingers for her to inspect, there were a few crumbs of maizebread stuck to them.

A satisfied smile played on Nil's lips. "I see you found something to eat after all. I'm glad you've sated that desire, at least."

Aloy gaped at him, not sure whether to feel gratitude or more of the unique kind of irritation she was quickly coming to associate with him. She settled on the latter.

"As much as the nobility of the Sun Court would like to believe otherwise, the matters of our marriage are private, Aloy," he said, his smile becoming, to her absolute shock, genuine. "I won't tell anyone what we do - or in this case, don't do - in the privacy of our home."

The relief that swamped her at Nil's words was staggering. A massive weight had quite suddenly been lifted from her shoulders, and she felt as though she could finally breathe again after weeks of holding her breath. She hated to admit it, but he was right. As much as Aloy had been ready to accept going to bed with a man she barely knew, it wasn't what she had actually wanted in any sense of the word. In the past, on the rare occasions she thought about what coupling with someone would be like, it had always been because she wanted to, or maybe even out of a shared affection - never out of obligation or duty. Her body was still entirely her own, and she wrapped her arms around it as if to confirm that for herself.

"Thank you," she finally managed.

"No need to thank me for behaving with the most basic of decencies," Nil muttered, but there was a lopsided grin tugging at his lips. "Now, before I take my leave, is there anything else you need?"

He went to smooth back a few escaped strands of his mostly dried hair with his right hand, and that's when she saw them.

How Aloy hadn't noticed before, she didn't know. It had probably been the low light, the overwhelming nature of her circumstances, or most likely, a combination of the two. At least in the Temple of the Sun, she had the excuse that he had been wearing a leather arm guard as a part of his armor which would have covered everything. 

Raised scars crisscrossed the span of his right forearm, most of them older and paler, others fresher and pinker. A couple even still bore traces of scabbing, the newly revealed skin taking on a faint shine. Aloy had received plenty of scars from her exploits, both combat related and not, and none of them bore any resemblance to these.

Her husband caught her staring, and he froze.

"Nil," she said, her brow knitting. "What…"

She lifted her hand - to do what, she wasn't sure - and that was what ultimately broke him out of his spell. With a breathless gasp, he jerked back as though she had wounded him herself. His expression flattened out until his face appeared to be carved from chiseled marble. Without another word, Nil turned and strode out the door, slamming it behind him with so much force that a framed mosaic of a Stormbird in flight on the wall rattled noisily.

Bewildered, Aloy slowly sank down onto the edge of her bed. The shift finally slipped down and pooled at her waist, but she didn't notice or care.

Her heart squeezed painfully as she mentally played back the events of the past couple minutes. If she didn't know any better, those scars had been self-inflicted with what looked like a blade. It was the only thing that explained the regular pattern, the varying degrees of healing, and most of all, Nil's reaction to her seeing them.

The question was, _why_ did she care so much? Just because he had shown her a single scrap of kindness didn't mean Aloy owed him her sympathies. If anything, his subsequent reaction had put a damper on most of the positive ground she had made with him, and although she was aware that it was childish, she felt herself growing just a little angry in return. 

She had believed that a mate who was cruel was the worst case scenario, but she had been wrong. Nil was as complex and as mutable as they came. As someone who usually knew where she stood with others due to her being an outcast, Aloy hated how much he threw her off balance. It was only the first day of her new existence as a wife and noblewoman, and already she found herself wishing that it was over.

Only one thing was for certain in the mess her life had become: Aloy was in for a very long, very frustrating marriage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of stuff going on in this chapter, mostly setting up these two's dynamic!
> 
> cw: discussion of self harm
> 
> Nil self harming is actually canon to some degree - if you refuse to do the first bandit camp with him, he talks about watching and pricking his fingers with arrowheads, "just to feel a part of things". Which in turn and combined with the ringing in the ears he brings up has a lot to do with dissociation due to trauma (someone who names themselves Nil having problems with derealization/depersonalization is, sadly, very on point. The writers absolutely knew what they were doing).
> 
> We'll explore this a little more (much) later, but yeah, I put the referenced self harm tag on this fic for a reason.
> 
> Anyway, see yinz next week!


	6. Chapter 5

The two weeks after the wedding dragged by at an excruciatingly slow pace. Nil would leave early and stay gone all day - to where, Aloy didn't know and didn't particularly care. Every evening, he brought back a fresh meal from the markets for dinner, from roasted cuts of meat with crackled skin to thick, spicy stews. No matter how appetizing the food looked, she begged off to her room every time, claiming that she had already eaten or wasn't very hungry to begin with. She could tell that he didn't really believe her, but she didn't owe him anything. Instead of suffering through what would assuredly be awkward meals with him, she had taken to eating beforehand and then sneaking down to the pantry after she knew he had retired for the night to gorge herself on whatever she could find.

Nil didn't say a word, and she always found the pantry restocked every few days.

With little in the way to do, Aloy quickly slid into boredom. Being bored at this juncture was dangerous, because it gave her too much time alone with only her thoughts as company, and that tended to lead places she had been trying to keep tightly locked away - namely, Rost and the homesickness that was growing like weeds in her heart with every passing day. With little in the way of distraction, avoiding those thoughts was becoming a monumental task, but she fought against them anyway.

The walls of the house - and by extension, the city - began to feel like a cage. Aloy yearned for the weight of her spear and bow in her hands, for the pleasure of running through forest and meadow without any care beyond honing her skills. Life had been simple back in the Embrace. Foolishly, she had hated it, unaware that there were worse fates. At least back home in the valley, she had been free.

Exercise was her only way to cope, and even her ability to partake in that was limited. She did countless pushups and situps, pulled herself up on shelves after testing their weight, ran up and down the stairs until her breath was gone and then some, and still, it wasn't enough. With no real ability to release any built up tension, her muscles were coiled as tight as springs in a machine, and without proper conditioning, she feared that soon her strength would begin to fade. Aloy had never been weak in her life, and the thought alone threatened to send her into a desperate spiral. She needed to figure out a solution, and soon. 

It wasn't only homesickness and boredom that needled at Aloy, however. Loneliness began to creep in too, more than she had yet felt in the miserable span of her existence. As an outcast, she had at least had Rost to talk to. Now, she had no one.

Maybe that was why she finally caved one night, although she tried to convince herself otherwise. Nil had been running a little late, and despite her opinion of him, the house was yawningly empty without his presence. Normally, she waited up in her room for that inevitable knock on the door where he'd ask if she'd like to join him for dinner and she'd refuse. Tonight, she sat on the couch downstairs, her hands folded in her lap. Waiting.

It wasn't until shortly after the sun had set that Nil finally came home. The door flew open, snapping Aloy to attention, and he strode in with a scowl, muttering under his breath while he dropped his helmet on to the table.

Her heart sank. Tonight, of all nights, he was in a foul mood. Just her luck.

But when Nil turned and caught sight of her, the ire on his face changed to shock, then smoothed over into a carefully restrained, polite curiosity.

"Aloy," he said breathlessly. He went to take a step forward, but then stopped and folded his arms behind his back. "Is something wrong?"

"No!" she said quickly. "No. I, um, came down for dinner."

Nil's mouth dropped open, then snapped shut. Bringing a hand to his face, he groaned.

"Sun and Shadow, I'm sorry. I didn't pick anything up tonight. I didn't think it would matter."

"Oh." Oddly enough, disappointment welled up in Aloy, but she forced it back. "It's all right. I'll just - just grab something from the pantry later."

She stood to go back upstairs, but Nil lifted his hands up in front of him beseechingly.

"Wait! I could cook something. For the both of us."

Aloy found herself automatically nodding and settling back down on the couch. As uncomfortable as a meal together would be, it would at least be an opportunity to get closer to him, a way of kickstarting her mission of getting to know him. She had waffled enough, and regardless of her personal feelings, it was time to get down to business. With time, perhaps her husband would let certain valuable secrets about the Sundom's military operations slip. 

Resolving to do her best to be open and friendly, Aloy kept her eyes on Nil as he began to prepare their dinner. From the pantry he had retrieved a variety of fresh vegetables, some kind of unfamiliar grain, and what looked like spices.

"I apologize for the lack of meat," Nil said as he began to slice through a bright red bell pepper with a large knife. "But here in Meridian, it spoils faster than a corpse baking in the sun, so it must be bought fresh the day you intend to use it."

Aloy wrinkled her nose. "That's disgusting."

"It's true, though." He turned his head to flash her a grin. "I think you'll like this well enough, meat or no. I don't like to boast, but cooking is one of my specialties."

"Probably because it involves using a tool which could double as a weapon," Aloy muttered.

To her surprise, Nil laughed. "Maybe. In truth, I enjoy the finer things in life, and learning to cook well was an easy way of obtaining good food to satisfy that part of my desires."

"But...food is food," she remarked, tilting her head. "It doesn't matter if it tastes good or not. It only needs to function as fuel for our bodies."

Nil snorted. "How very Nora of you. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone how much you enjoy this - and you will. Your secret is safe with me."

Unable to hold her ever-present curiosity back any longer, Aloy asked, "What is it?"

"Spiced vegetables and rice." He shrugged. "Not my most elegant dish, but it'll fill your belly. And I won't spice it too heavily either. Just enough to start getting you used to the heat of Carja cuisine."

After that, she fell silent. Nil left the house once to retrieve water from their nearby well, which he poured into a heavy pan and hooked in the hearth to boil. He talked through each step as he worked, and Aloy found herself listening reluctantly - he had such a way with words that explanations of even the most banal topics became interesting. By the time the enticing smells of their dinner had filled the house, she had relaxed almost completely.

Maybe figuring Nil out wouldn't be as difficult as she thought.

Soon enough, Aloy found herself sitting at the table enjoying her very first meal with her husband. And it turned out he _hadn't_ been boasting - although simple, the vegetables were flavorful with a slight crunch, and the starchiness of the rice helped tame the residual heat from the spices. It may have been because it was her first cooked food in weeks, but it was one of the best meals she could recall having.

Unsurprisingly, it was Nil who spoke first once they had finished. 

"Well? How did you like it?"

"It was really good, actually," Aloy said, and to her own surprise, she managed a small smile. 

"We'll have to do this more often, then." His expression was pleased as he leaned across the table to collect her plate. "I know you're probably going to head up to bed now, but I did want to ask first if there was anything else you needed to feel more comfortable here."

He was being entirely earnest, she realized, and her heart skipped a beat.

"Nothing that could be bought."

Nil raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Ah, but that means that there _is_ something you want."

Aloy didn't see any harm in broaching the subject of her frustrations. "Honestly, all I really want is to go outside and hunt. Being trapped in here - it hasn't exactly been good for me."

"I'm not at all surprised, what with where you came from." Nil's voice was sympathetic and a touch regretful. "But you should know that noblewomen aren't allowed outside of the city without an escort. And even then, hunting is heavily frowned upon."

Disappointment and that familiar sense of anger at the uniquely Carja imbalance between men and women pricked at her. "And I'm not surprised about that."

Her husband studied her quietly for a few seconds before saying, "I may be able to figure something out for you. Give me time."

"I'd…appreciate that," she replied awkwardly. With nothing else left to say, she made to stand, but Nil raising a hand stopped her.

"A moment. There's one other topic we must discuss."

Thoroughly confused now, Aloy settled back down. "Yes?"

"Tomorrow evening, we will be expected to attend court at the Palace of the Sun in order to present you to the Sun-King." Nil's eyes darkened to the same hue they had been when he had initially come home. "I would have warned you earlier, but I only found out today, so you have my apologies for that."

"What's the problem?" Aloy cocked her head. "That doesn't sound so bad. I've dealt with plenty of awful Carja so far. What's a few more?"

He ignored the implied insult. "There are more vicious cutthroats and slimey weasels in the Sun Court than you've ever dealt with in your life, his Radiance himself being the worst of him. It was already horrible before his decision making skills…" Nil hesitated here. "... _declined_ , but now, it's an exercise in misery."

"I haven't dealt with many people in my life in general," Aloy deadpanned. But she sat up a little straighter and leaned in. This was something to focus on, and it may just have been exactly what she needed to alleviate her boredom and, more importantly, gather information. "What do I need to know?"

Nil leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "At some point in the night, the Sun-King will call us before him. You must kneel before him. Do not speak unless spoken to, and answer all his queries with 'yes, your Radiance' or 'no, your Radiance', unless he clearly gives you permission to elaborate." His gaze grew more intense and locked with hers. "You _must_ be on your best behavior, Aloy. Jiran is not shy about handing out consequences for even perceived slights, and that often means death. Do not talk back. Do not question him. Allow him to play his game, and hopefully, we'll both be allowed to come home at the end of the night."

Normally she would have bristled at being ordered around, but Nil's deathly serious expression had cold dread trickling down her spine instead. Fear wasn't an emotion she had often experienced in her life, but something told her that, in this case, it was well within the bounds of reason. 

"I understand."

Her husband visibly relaxed. "Good, good. As far as what to wear, there should be a few suitable dresses in your wardrobe that also belonged to my mother. Tomorrow, choose one of the most elaborate to wear, and be ready to leave by the sixth bell."

The idea of dressing up in another gaudy, complicated Carja outfit she could barely move in didn't exactly sound appealing to Aloy, but she forced herself to nod.

"I think that's about it." Nil's smile was rueful. "You're free to leave."

As she stood to go, the relief which filled her was more muted than she would have expected, the eagerness to be alone and away from him dulled. And when she reached the foot of the stairs, without thinking, Aloy turned back towards him and said, "Thank you. For making dinner."

His answering smile had her stomach fluttering for reasons unknown. "You're welcome, Aloy."

-

There were several outfits Aloy would have termed suitable hanging in the wardrobe, each of them more delicate and lovely than the last. It was a difficult decision, knowing as little as she did about clothing beyond its utility for protection and warmth; but ultimately, she settled on a flowing number made up of several earthy shades of green with accents of gold and purple. There weren't nearly as many layers involved as with her wedding dress, for which she was thankful. It was easy enough to figure out how to get the ensemble on by herself, and by the time she had finished dressing and drawing the Argir markings beneath her eyes (as Nil had advised her to do everytime she left the house), she was feeling just a little more confident in her ability to handle whatever the Sun Court lobbed at her.

That all dissipated soon after she descended the stairs to the first floor, and Nil's raptorial gaze riveted onto her. He was clad not in his armor as she would have expected, but in an outfit to rival her own in both complexity and decoration - baggy pants the Carja tended to favor draped down his long legs, several crisp layers of silk and embroidered ribbon with machine parts artfully sewn into them covered his chest, and what looked to be a curved ceremonial knife was shoved into the wrappings around his waist.

Between the deafening quiet and his unreadable stare, Aloy's face flushed.

"Is there something wrong with how I'm dressed?" she snapped.

That broke whatever spell he was under, and Nil cleared his throat. "You look fine. But we must be going now."

Curling his arm at his side, he offered it to her. She considered it in the way one might consider a rotting animal carcass.

Nil leveled her with an unimpressed look. "Take my arm, please. We'll get more questions and attention if you don't."

Attention was the last thing Aloy wanted, so she did as he asked, a little miffed that he seemed to already know her well enough to pick up on her dislike of excessive scrutiny.

The evening was pleasantly mild, a slight breeze in the arid air stirring their clothing. Although the sun hadn't quite yet set, the Carja of Meridian were an early morning people, and as such, were already winding down for the day. While they walked, most gave the pair a wide berth, apparently recognizing Nil even without the intimidating bulk of his armor. 

As they approached the Palace of the Sun on an ivy covered bridge flanked by guards, Aloy let her eyes wander over the structure. Somehow, the building was more impressive than the Temple of the Sun in architectural flourish, the stone it was made out of seeming to fold inward and outward like ripples in a pond. Two main towers with harshly gleaming metal roofs jutted up from the mesa and flirted with the sky itself, painted blood red by the light of the setting sun. Objectively, it was one of the most beautiful man made structures she had ever seen. She wondered bitterly how many slaves it housed.

A line of people dressed in finery similar to their own was queued up on a curved staircase leading up to one of the towers. When they quietly took their place behind another couple, the male half angled his head back and sneered then urged his counterpart forward. With that, the snide whispers and haughty looks kicked up again, just as they had after their wedding - but this time and unlike when she had been an outcast, there was no escape. 

Surprisingly, it was Nil's presence, steady and solid at her side, which gave Aloy a small measure of solace. If she could focus on that, maybe she could get through this unique form of torture without wheeling around and punching in the pinched face of the noblewoman who kept loudly comparing her hair to that of a nest of rats set on fire. With a grimace, she pressed into her husband's side and attempted to keep her breathing even and calm.

The look he gave her was one of surprise, quickly schooled into nonchalance as he awkwardly patted at the hand cradled in the crook of his arm with his own, then bent down and towards her very slightly.

"It's easier to tune them out if you can think of something else," Nil murmured. "May I suggest hunting, with these wretched animals as your quarry?"

At that, Aloy found herself fighting a smile.

The queue continued to dwindle steadily, and when the sun was no more than a distant suggestion behind the mountains to the west, they reached the head of the line. Without even checking the list he held, the guard signaled for them to enter the tower.

"Have a good evening, sir," he said politely to Nil.

"Basiv," Nil returned with a curt nod.

Flocks of nobles as bright and as talkative as birds were flitting throughout the bottom floor and up a curling staircase, but that wasn't what caught Aloy's eye. It was an ornate light fixture hanging from the ceiling, made of metal so reflective she could clearly see her own visage staring back down at her. The light it caught from both its own oil-fed flames and the outside bounced over the many facets and the stone walls of the circular room, creating a captivating show the likes of which she'd never encountered. She hadn't realized she'd stopped moving until Nil cleared his throat.

"As beautiful as that chandelier is, his Radiance doesn't like to be kept waiting. We must keep moving."

He led her up the winding stairs, Aloy growing more and more uncomfortable as the amount of people increased. Thankfully, the foreboding expression on his face was enough to get the crowds to part as effectively as if he had shoved them aside. Just as she was wondering if she'd need to stick by her husband's side for the rest of the night, the stairs came to an abrupt end.

The pair stepped through an archway, and a magnificent room opened up before them. Vaulted ceilings soared overhead, a mosaic tiled floor sparkled below, and more open-air archways leading out to balconies dotted the rounded walls. Against one wall and surrounded by an enthusiastic crowd stood a troupe of musicians, plucking merrily at strange stringed instruments and beating on more familiar drums. Against another, a lanky man clothed in nothing more than an embroidered loincloth played with fire, arcing it between his palms and even spitting it from his mouth, a sight which had Aloy doing an astonished doubletake. The space must have taken up the entire width of the tower, because the opposite walls were so distant that she would have to shout to speak with someone on the other end.

In the center of it all was a massive golden chair, upon which sat a man done up in regalia finer than anyone else is the room. As though he sensed their presence, his eyes locked onto Aloy and Nil. Leaning over to what appeared to be attendant at his side, he said something, then straightened again. Despite the fact that she was too far away to gauge the man's expression, an icy chill cascaded down Aloy's spine.

"I suppose escaping notice would have been too much to ask," Nil sighed from beside her. "Prepare yourself, Aloy. Remember what we spoke about, and that no matter what happens tonight, it's all - "

He was cut off by the insistent ringing of a bell, crisp and clear enough to rise above the noise of the crowds. At once, the room silenced, and every last person turned to face the man on the chair. 

The attendant beside him spoke.

"His Radiance Sun-King Jiran, 13th Luminance of the Radiant Line."

The instant the man finished speaking, every noble, performer, and slave dropped into a kneel. Aloy's delayed response sent a couple of noblewomen behind her into a flurry of giggles, and once again she had to remind herself to take slow, deep breaths.

Jiran stood, the light from the oil lamps glinting garishly off the metal on his outfit and giving his golden-brown skin an even warmer hue.

"Welcome, esteemed Khanes, noblemen and women of the Sun Court," he began, his voice as smooth as silk. "I won't keep you from the evening's delights for long. I only wished to give the newest member of our court the finest of welcomes." His gaze once again fixed on to Aloy and Nil. "Sahad Khane Argir and Aloy Khane Argir. Step forward."

Keeping her head tucked as Nil was, Aloy held his arm as they stood. Together they took slow, even steps until they were only a few feet in front of the Sun-King, where they kneeled once more.

"Aloy Khane Argir." On impulse, she glanced up. In the next second, she remembered Nil's explanation of protocol and hastily dropped her eyes again. "No, no, child. Don't be afraid. Look at me."

Hesitantly, Aloy lifted her gaze, and found calculating brown eyes staring back at her.

"Ah, there we are. Now, if you'll do this old man the honor of entertaining a few questions, I'd be much obliged."

Forcing herself to keep her tone even, Aloy said, "Yes, Your Radiance."

A smile curled on Jiran's lips. "Lovely. Are you settling in well?"

"Yes, Your Radiance."

"Are you finding Meridian to your liking? A wondrous sight, is it not?"

"Yes, Your Radiance."

He hummed pleasantly. "And has your husband been good to you thus far?"

"Yes, Your Radiance." Despite her instincts, despite Nil's warnings, Aloy found herself beginning to relax.

And that was when Jiran struck.

"Wherever did you get those clothes?" he asked, tilting his head with a frown. "You may elaborate."

Confused, Aloy answered, "They were Nil - I mean, Sahad's mother's, Your Radiance."

The Sun-King sighed wistfully. "Ah, I remember her. A fine jewel, a rare beauty indeed. It's too bad old Ligan couldn't manage to keep her from dying in childbirth. A pity, that." 

Beside her, Nil tensed.

"A shame that such a beautiful gown went to such a frighteningly brutish creature," Jiran chuckled. His kindly smile twisting into a sardonic smirk, he held his hands up when laughter rippled throughout the crowd of nobles. Aloy felt her fists curl of their own volition.

"It's years out of date, anyway," he sniffed. "Now, young Sahad, are you finding it difficult to keep your wife clothed in acceptable fashions after your demotion?" 

"No, Your Radiance."

Jiran's glare was as cold as ice over a lake. "Be sure that she's properly attired next time. I won't tolerate this level of inattention to decorum in my court again."

"Yes, Your Radiance." 

Through her fury, Aloy wondered how Nil was capable of staying so unperturbed.

That cruel smirk was back as Jiran relaxed. "Does she please you? You may elaborate."

For a single, long moment, Nil was quiet.

When he spoke, his tone was wry. "As much as a savage can, Your Radiance. She lacks the grace and sophistication of a Carja woman, but I suppose she makes up for it well enough with her...other talents." 

More laughter resounded throughout the room, louder than before, Jiran giving a hearty chuckle himself. Aloy's fury burst into a crescendo of wild rage, and the force of holding it back had hot tears pricking in her eyes. If it had been possible, if it wouldn't nullify the treaty and immediately render her mission impossible, she would have struck both men down right then. Instead, in her mind's eye, she conjured an image of what the terror and shock on Nil's face might look like when she finally put him down like the beast he was.

"Ah, yes," Jiran grinned, amused. "I've heard that the Nora can be quite the ride. Much like a wild animal, hm?" 

"Yes, Your Radiance." 

"As for her lack of other graces…" he mused. "Well, this _was_ supposed to be a punishment, my boy. Hopefully you'll have learned your lesson after this." 

"Yes, Your Radiance."

"That will be enough for now." Jiran settled back into one of the many cushions on his seat with an over-wrought sigh. "Try to keep your pet on a leash and from doing anything unseemly like biting anyone, hm?" 

"Yes, Your Radiance." Aloy could hear the sneer in Nil's voice.

"Dismissed. Now, shall we resume the festivities?" 

At Jiran's flippant wave, Aloy rose to her feet along with Nil. He offered her his arm, and numbly, she took it, carefully keeping her mind free from any thoughts while he guided her away from the center of the room and towards a sheltered alcove. 

Once they had reached the wall, he turned to face her.

"Aloy, I'm - "

"Don't," she seethed, wrenching her arm from his grasp. "Stay away from me."

"Please, if you'd just listen - "

" _No_."

Nil reached out to her, but she had heard enough. With a snarl, Aloy whirled around and stalked off, pushing through a gathering group of curious onlookers with prejudice. The shrill, indignant cry a noblewoman let loose at being shoved aside wasn't even as satisfying as it would have normally been.

Adding insult to injury, as she stormed away, she could just barely make out Nil saying, "I suppose she's not quite trained to stay after all. We'll have to work on that, as with all pets." 

Yet more horrible, gleeful laughter that had Aloy biting back a scream. 

Air. She needed air. 

It took forever to navigate through the throngs of nobles, and by the time she reached a blessedly unoccupied balcony, Aloy was shaking. With rage, humiliation, betrayal...it was all too much, so she crouched down and leaned against the support railing, wrapping her arms around herself.

Aloy wasn't certain how long she stayed there like that, staring blankly at the deep night shadows of the Jewel below. The only thing that snapped her out of her reverie was the distinct sound of footsteps on stone, and it had more rage boiling up within her.

"Go _away_ ," she bit out.

The voice that answered, however, did not belong to her husband.

"Ah, my deepest apologies, my lady. I didn't realize anyone else was out here."

Rising to her feet, she angled towards the stranger with a frown. Standing a polite distance from her, his golden brown skin backlit by the warm light of the gala, was a man perhaps a few years older than her. His sheepish but strikingly attractive face was framed by an elegant headdress which, oddly enough, was similar in appearance to the one Jiran wore.

"No." Aloy shook her head. "I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else."

"It's quite all right." He smiled kindly, angling his head to the left. "Forgive me for being so forward, but...you don't look well, my lady. Is there anything I might fetch for you?"

Taken aback by what seemed to be genuine consideration, she merely stared at him. 

"Aloy," she finally said. "My name is Aloy."

"Aloy," he repeated, stepping to her side. "I'm Sun-Prince Avad, but please, I insist that you call me Avad."

She could feel her eyebrows shoot up practically into her hairline. "Sun-Prince? Wait, is Jiran - I mean, His Radiance, your - "

"Yes, he's my father," Avad confirmed with a sigh. A dark look crossed his expression. "I saw what happened in there. As lowborn as he believes the Nora to be, he has no right to treat a lady of the Sun Court as such. On behalf of the Radiant House, allow me to apologize for the actions of my father."

Bewilderingly, Avad began to sink into a kneel, but before his knee could touch stone Aloy held up her hands.

"All-Mother, don't do that. It wasn't your fault, Avad." Her gaze softened. "For what it's worth, you don't seem to be anything like him."

"A high compliment." His eyes danced with amusement. "Thank you."

More footsteps echoing out over the balcony had both Avad and Aloy turning towards the doorway.

"Avad? Little brother, where did you go?"

Another man in regalia similar to the Sun-Prince's was glancing between the two with a frown tugging at his plush lips. He lacked the headdress that Avad wore, instead showcasing a thick mane of fair hair pulled back into a high Strider's tail, which in turn highlighted the sharp, sweeping angles of his face.

Avad sighed. "Kadaman, what are you doing here? It won't take Father long to notice that both of us are missing, and you know he'll get cross." 

"Hush, little brother." Kadaman's eyes slid to Aloy, something like delight sparking in them. "Now, don't be impolite, you brute. Introduce me to the _very_ lovely lady."

"Stop calling me that," Avad grumbled with a scowl, but turned to face Aloy anyway. "Aloy Khane Argir, may I introduce you to His Royal Highness Sun-Prince Kadaman - my older brother and His Radiance Sun-King Jiran's heir apparent."

Kadaman's grin could only be described as radiant when he laid a hand over his heart and bowed gallantly at the waist. "A pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, my lady. We've heard much about Sahad's betrothal."

"Um, you too," Aloy replied awkwardly. "And it's just Aloy."

The older prince was definitely what she would describe as forward, but she didn't feel threatened by him in the same way as she had with Jiran. For whatever reason, and despite the fact that a healthy amount of suspicion was probably warranted in this situation, she got the sense that both Avad and Kadaman were genuinely good people. It was an absolute relief after the ordeal she had gone through since she had arrived in Meridian.

"Well, Aloy, I must say, you held up remarkably well under our father's unique form of torture." Kadaman commented. "You should be proud."

"Pride is the furthest thing from my mind right now," she replied dryly. "But...thank you. It's not been easy being stuck with such an awful human being for a husband."

Avad blew out a breath. "I understand that this may be hard to believe, but Sahad isn't as bad as he appears on the surface."

"So, you know him?" Aloy asked, wrinkling her nose.

"We do," Avad responded with a nod. "Being of a similar class in society, we've all known each other since we were children. There was a point where we were close friends, but time and occupation have pulled us apart. It's a pity."

"Believe me, it's a good thing," Aloy muttered.

"He did go too far tonight, Avad," Kadaman frowned. "I'll be speaking to him about that very thing, in fact."

Skeptical, Avad crossed his arms over his chest. "Why do I get the sense that's not going to go well?" 

Ignoring his younger brother, Kadaman turned to Aloy. "In any case, the night is winding to a close, and I'm certain you're eager to leave this wretched place. May I have the pleasure of escorting you back inside?"

She eyed his offered arm through narrowed eyes, but ultimately took it. The Carja emphasis on casual touch was peculiar to someone such as herself, but like everything else, it was a facet of the tribe she was beginning to grow used to.

The moment the trio stepped back inside, Aloy could feel curious eyes roving over them. Defiantly, she held her head high and stared right back. Shock painted the faces of most, anger bordering on outrage simmering on more than a few. Thankfully, Jiran's seat sat empty.

Beside her, Kadaman gave a quiet, undignified snort. "Yes, yes. Behold your crown prince escorting the former Nora girl as he would any lady." He tapped at her hand, nestled in the crook of his arm. "Pay them no mind, Aloy. Their jealousy says more about them than it does about you, and believe me, it's quite unattractive."

It wasn't much longer before they came upon Nil, and Aloy's mood soured once again. Curiously, there was a frantic glaze to his eyes which melted into relief when they found hers.

"Aloy," he exhaled. "Kadaman. Avad. Thank you for finding her."

Kadaman gave Aloy's hand one last pat before releasing her.

"Sahad," he began calmly, "you are to report to the sparring rings tomorrow at dawn's first light. There are a few things we must, ahem, _discuss_."

Nil's expression was frozen stiff. "As you wish, _Your Highness_."

While the two men were busy glaring daggers at each other, Avad rolled his eyes and then turned to Aloy.

"It was lovely meeting you tonight, Aloy. I hope to see you again sometime soon."

"Likewise," she replied. "It would be nice to have a few friends here."

Avad's grin was wide and boyish. "Then we shall endeavor to make that happen." 

Aloy said her goodbyes to the brothers, clasping their hands together as was Carja tradition, then reluctantly followed her husband down the stairs and out into the oily shadows of Meridian at night.

The silence between them was stifling. Several times, Nil angled his head towards her and opened his mouth as though to speak, but Aloy staunchly ignored him, looking anywhere but at him. As soon as he unlocked the door to their home, she shoved past him and sprinted up the stairs. Once she had slammed the door to her room shut, potent relief loosened her muscles as she allowed herself to relax now that she was finally alone again.

Of course, that didn't last long either. As she was undressing, a scrap of parchment paper with a small wood carving sitting on top of her desk once again caught her eye.

It was a hummingbird with many indents painstakingly carved into it for feathers. Numbly, her eyes scanned the paper.

_Although tiny with bones as hollow as drums, the hummingbird is as resilient as the fiercest bird of prey._

_Nil_

This time, when Aloy threw the note and carving into the fireplace, she felt not a single ounce of guilt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are...not great between Aloy and Nil...and then there's Jiran's bullshit...but hey, she got to meet Avad and Kadaman! So that's a positive, right??
> 
> See yinz next week!!


	7. Chapter 6

If the incident at the Palace of the Sun had done anything for Aloy, it was to finally remove any remaining shred of consideration she had for her husband. 

No longer afraid of what Nil might say or do to her, she had taken to leaving the house during the day to wander around Meridian. Still, she wasn't so careless as to throw caution to the wind entirely - rather than donning the intricate layers of a noblewoman, she made sure to dress in the most casual silks in her wardrobe. Without the Argir markings beneath her eyes and a thin, hooded cloak to cover her distinctive hair, Aloy was anonymous among the crowds of the city. It wasn't the greatest amount of freedom, but it was something. And in her situation, something meant everything.

She wasn't so lucky as to avoid contact with Nil entirely, however. Most of the time, she was able to ignore his attempts at pleasantries or inquiries as to how her day had gone. But one morning, just as she was getting ready to sneak out the front door, his footsteps began to creak down the stairs.

"Damn it," she cursed under her breath.

"Going out?" came Nil's smooth voice from behind her. "A dangerous endeavor without an escort."

Aloy couldn't hold herself back this time.

"I faced threats far worse than any man in the Sacred Lands," she hissed, wheeling around. "I can protect myself."

Rather than arguing, Nil nodded in satisfaction. "I know. It's still important to keep your wits about you."

He stepped to Aloy's side, and she automatically recoiled. But he only reached down to unhook a pouch from his belt and hold it out for her. Aloy eyed it disdainfully.

"What's that?"

"Shards," Nil replied simply.

"I don't need your money - "

"I'm always the one picking out dinner. I want you to have the option to get something fresh for dinner to your tastes rather than me guessing or you eating whatever scraps you can find in the pantry."

Nil held the pouch higher, holding her gaze with his own. Aloy sighed. It seemed as though the only way she was going to be able to get away from him was to take the shards, so with a frustrated huff, she snatched them from his hand.

Before Aloy could escape, his voice sounded once again.

"I also thought I'd inform you that I've hired a dressmaker to fit you for your own wardrobe." His voice grew quiet. "To avoid what happened at court again. He'll be here early tomorrow morning, so be sure you're awake and downstairs by the seventh bell."

Forcing out a nod, she pushed the front door open and fled into the street.

To her chagrin, she actually felt a wave of gratitude towards her husband. What had happened at court had not only been humiliating - it had left her feeling more helpless than she ever had in her life, something she never wanted to experience again. Even more frustrating was the fact that he had been part of the reason, and yet now he was, for whatever reason, attempting to remedy it. Aloy was beginning to feel as though she'd never understand Nil. 

But going out was meant to be the sole bright spot of her day, so she pushed those confusing thoughts aside while she headed towards the markets. The day was overly humid and hot, and she had barely stepped off her street before beads of sweat began to slither down her skin in rivulets. Taking off her cloak was a tempting prospect, but even a couple minutes without it was to risk being seen by someone who would recognize her, so she set her jaw and continued onward.

In a desperate bid to distract herself from the sticky heat, Aloy found a stall selling a variety of Carja weaponry. Polearms, swords, daggers - and of course, the bows. She raked her eyes over the display hungrily. All expertly crafted, their pristine parts gleamed in the harsh morning sun, just begging to be used for their intended purpose. Unconsciously, her fingers curled. What she wouldn't give to test the bowstring on that war bow, to experience what would surely be a smooth and balanced draw. Her mood dampened as she wondered when she would next have the opportunity to fire a bow. Certainly not before she carried out her duties.

"Good morning, girl!" the stall keeper greeted, his grin hungry. "Looking for a gift for a husband? A brother or father, perhaps?"

Aloy's mood soured further, and she stepped away from the display, tugging her hood tighter around her head. "No. Just browsing."

"Keep me in mind when you stop waffling and decide to actually throw down some shards!" he called after her as she strode away.

Before she became too incensed at the keeper's barbs, Aloy redirected her focus to finding ingredients to cobble together a dinner. Maybe preparing her own meal rather than relying on Nil or buying something premade would give her back some semblance of control over her life, however minor. She wasn't the best cook in the world, but she at least knew how to cut vegetables - sort of - and use an open flame. It was enough to keep her stomach quiet, and that was all she had ever needed. 

Much to her relief, the reedy woman manning a stall boasting all kinds of meat only gave her a quick nod before rushing to attend to another customer. Just as Aloy was examining a succulent-looking cut of mutton, however, a shrill cry and loud commotion captured her attention.

She straightened, whipping her head to the left. A red-faced man adorned in noble clothing was bent over something small and quivering, spittle flying from his lips as he screamed out his fury. It only took Aloy another second to realize that small something was a tiny girl, no older than eight, and it had her automatically moving towards the pair. 

She was only a few feet away when she got a better look at the child. Familiar braids closed with earthy clay beads decorated her sooty hair, which the man now had fisted in an enormous hand. The girl was _Nora_.

Aloy saw red.

Before her thoughts could catch up with her and give her cause to reconsider, she darted forward. Her hood flew back, exposing her hair, but Aloy was well beyond caring. Her hand clenched, her powerful muscles coiled, and she was about to let her fist smash into the noble's ugly, contorted face - when long fingers curling around her forearm stalled it out midair.

The nobleman turned at once in her direction, surprise replacing his anger. With her own fury boiling beneath her skin, Aloy rounded on whatever unfortunate soul had had the audacity to touch her.

Shock metered her rage somewhat. Before her was a noblewoman about her age with big, expressive dark brown eyes and long, shining black hair. Her expression firm, the other woman gave the slightest shake of her head before turning her attention to the man.

"I apologize for my brutish friend here," she sighed, batting her eyelashes at the man. "She's not at all accustomed to our ways, you see. Will you forgive us, good sir?"

The nobleman relaxed at once. "Ah, don't worry, my lady. As you can see - " he gestured at the girl, whose huge eyes were glazed over with tears - "these savages don't understand how to behave in polite society. Why, I almost feel as though I was swindled with this one!"

Aloy had enough control over herself at this point to reign herself in, but it did nothing to diminish the look of loathing she sent the man's way. 

"They're certainly interesting to keep around, and I seem to have a natural talent with them," the woman hummed. "Perhaps I could make an offer on this one. Take her off your hands."

The man's eyes were keen with interest. "I'd certainly be interested in entertaining an offer. But you and your guardian will have to call on me later to negotiate a price, I'm afraid. I'm rather busy at the moment."

"We'll be sure to stop by then," she replied, bowing her head. When she raised it, her grin was just a little too sharp to be considered friendly.

He bowed his head in return. "Until then, Talanah Khane Padish. May the Sun light your way."

Aloy didn't have a chance to get a single word in before the noblewoman - Talanah - grabbed her arm once again and dragged her off to a secluded corner of the market. Once they came to a stop, she wrenched it from her grasp, baring her teeth.

"I don't know who the hell you think you are - "

"Woah there," Talanah interjected, holding up her hands. "You were lucky I was there to intervene. Aloy, right?"

She drew back. "How did you know my name?"

Talanah laughed, deeply and fully this time and with no trace of the previous girlishness. " _Everyone_ knows your name." Her expression became serious, and her voice lowered to just above a whisper. "Look, I'm sorry for what I had to do back there, but that slave would have received a much harsher punishment than what she was already facing if you had followed through with what you were about to do. At least now I have a chance to get her out of that situation and into safe hands."

Aloy's mouth went dry, realization slamming into her like a stone wall.

"A slave...a Nora slave."

Overwhelmed, she leaned against the building Talanah had brought her to, breathing hard while Rost's words echoed in her head.

 _The elderly, the sick,_ children _\- they do not discriminate. They either cut them down or steal them away, never to be seen or heard from again._

It had been an obvious conclusion, and yet she hadn't entertained it until now: if they weren't killed outright, the missing tribe members had likely all been made slaves. And once outside of the Sacred Lands, without a Seeker blessing to protect them, they would be considered tainted and unable to ever return. Even the smallest of children.

At this point, Aloy wasn't sure if she hated the Carja or Nora more.

She _was_ sure of at least one thing: her role in the treaty and her new sway within Nora society as a Seeker were more important than ever. The girl's terrified, pleading eyes filled her thoughts. This couldn't, _wouldn't_ happen to anyone else. Not if she had anything to say about it.

Aloy willed herself to settle enough to speak. "You said that you have a chance to get her out of that situation. What did you mean?"

"Later, my guardian and I will go call on that nobleman, where we'll make an offer on the girl," Talanah explained.

"Isn't that just exchanging one master for another?"

She shrugged. "Temporarily, I guess. But after that, we have ways of smuggling her out of the city and to safety. She can't go back home, but she'll have her freedom and be well taken care of."

Aloy crossed her arms over her chest. "I thought the Carja nobility all used human labor freely." A tiny voice reminded her of Nil's reaction when she had brought up slavery, but she shoved it aside. "So, why are you doing this? You have no reason to."

"Believe it or not, slavery is a relatively new concept to the Carja, and some nobles have been resisting it in what few ways we can. A growing number of us have become disillusioned with the way Jiran has been running the Sundom. Several of us have lost friends and family because of him." Talanah's face was pinched with grief. "Including myself."

A great deal of Aloy's guard dropped, and she felt a wave of sympathy for the other woman. "I'm sorry."

"Whether the courtiers will admit it or not, the Sun-King grows madder with each passing year," Talanah continued lowly. "It began eighteen years ago with the Derangement of the Machines. Somehow, he came to believe that blood sacrifice was the only way to appease the Sun and calm the machines. Obviously, that hasn't worked."

"That's...that's ridiculous!" Aloy sputtered. "No one's tried to stop him?"

Talanah's lips thinned. "Yes, but direct confrontation hasn't even come close to being successful. Jiran rewards loyalty handsomely. The nobility aren't known for their strong sense of morality to begin with, so those of us who have tried to resist in our own ways are few. If you attempt to stand against him, you're guaranteeing yourself a one-way trip into the Sun-Ring. No one, not even the highest born noble, is safe."

"I've heard about this Sun-Ring," Aloy said, angling her head. "What is it?"

"It's where Jiran makes his blood sacrifices to appease the Sun," Talanah spat. "Prisoners not strong or healthy enough to be made slaves, enemy soldiers, and all who oppose him. Like my brother and father."

Aloy kept herself quiet, allowing the other woman to go on.

"When I was no more than twelve, thousands of people were set to be sacrificed in the Sun-Ring. Dissenters, loyalists, it didn't matter. A few Hawks of the Hunter's Lodge stood up to Jiran, and for their bravery, they were also condemned." At Aloy's confused expression, Talanah explained, "The Lodge is an old Carja institution revolving around trophy hunting the biggest and most powerful machines. Anyway, on the day the sacrifices were to happen, the other Hawks, including my father and brother, smuggled their weapons into the Ring. That morning, my father - " she exhaled " - my father told me to wait outside Meridian for him, that we were leaving. Hours passed, and he never showed up. After night had fallen, a messenger told me to flee the city, so I did."

"He was trying to protect you," Aloy said softly.

"Me and others." Talanah leaned against the wall too. "I found out later that when two Behemoths charged into the stands, my father, brother, and the other Hawks laid down their lives to protect those who had only just been cheering for their deaths. It was the most honorable death possible. I only wish the rest of the Sundom and the Hunter's Lodge saw it that way. The new Sunhawk, Ahsis - the leader of the Lodge - forbids even speaking of the fallen Hawks." 

Aloy exhaled slowly. "That's horrible. You were so young, too."

"I was left entirely without family in the space of a day with no ability to mourn them," Talanah said. "But one of the Hawks who didn't intervene felt guilty and took me in once I returned to the city after lying low for a few years - the guardian I mentioned before. He had just lost his son in a way, and - " She cut off suddenly, shaking her head. "But that's not my story to tell. _My_ story will hopefully involve finding a way to get strong enough to unseat Ahsis, to make sure my family's honor is restored and their sacrifices weren't in vain. I've been training for years to make it happen."

Aloy frowned. "Noblewomen are allowed to be part of this Hunter's Lodge? How does that work if we're not even allowed around Meridian without an escort?"

"Oh, they're not," Talanah replied with a laugh. "But I hope to change that one day. I'm going to find a way to become Sunhawk no matter what it takes. With Kadi - I mean, Kadaman, next in line for the throne, change is coming. We just have to find a way to make it happen."

"Kadi?" Aloy raised an eyebrow. 

The noblewoman's cheeks contained the faintest hint of pink. "Yes. The Sun-Prince - which you already know, of course, because he told me how you, him, and Avad met at court. We've known each other since we were children and have remained close just as long. I guess it's a silly nickname that stuck."

Aloy got the sense that there was more to it than that, but she held her tongue, instead remarking, "I'm surprised I didn't meet you that night too."

"I'm lucky enough that I'm allowed in the city at all after my family's disgrace. Court events are considered a privilege to attend, one that's been revoked until I, a woman with almost zero rights, somehow reclaim the honor of my House." Talanah rolled her eyes. "Honestly, it's been a relief. I'd have to be a masochist to grovel before the Sun-King to earn back _that_ privilege."

"At least you're aware of how lucky you are in that regard," Aloy muttered.

Talanah shrugged, a grin tugging at her expertly painted lips. "Never tried to deny it. In any case, it would be best if I accompanied you while you finish up in the markets."

Aloy frowned. "Why?" 

"Well, you've blown your cover. Now that everyone knows who you are, people will talk about you not having an escort."

"And what about you?" She made a show of spreading her arms. "I don't see anyone around keeping an eye on you."

"My guardian is nearby," Talanah responded. "And he's made himself visible enough for others to know that. I'm doing you a favor, you know."

"I guess I don't have a choice." Any bitterness in her voice was directed at the situation, rather than the other woman; just as she had with Avad and Kadaman, Aloy found herself trusting Talanah. It made a great deal of sense that the three of them were close - genuinely good people surrounded by a sea of villains - but it also left her wondering how Nil had ever fit into their circle. 

_You could ask him_ , her brain supplied unhelpfully.

"Yeah, right," she muttered under her breath.

With Talanah at her side and her identity revealed, Aloy could finally remove the awful cloak. To any other Carja noble, being dressed as casually as she was would be nothing short of mortifying, but the only emotion that filled her when the air caressed over her bare, sweaty skin was potent bliss. Petty looks and gossip would be hurled at her no matter what she wore, and she was far beyond caring. 

_Maybe I should try wearing a sack next time. That'll really get them talking._

The rest of the morning passed shockingly quickly, due in part to how the conversation between the two women flowed more effortlessly than Aloy had yet experienced from anyone she had met in the Sundom. In Talanah, she found a confidant, and even more than that, a kindred spirit. Both were noblewoman trapped in a cloying cage of silk due to circumstance, longing to be free and out hunting in the wilds rather than playing the part forced on them. The pair spent as much time picking up ingredients for Aloy's dinner as they did admiring weapons and armor stalls and debating the efficacy of polearms over bows.

"A bow is nice for distance, but to get really up into the action, something like a glaive is preferable," Talanah argued, gesturing to a display of such weapons. "There's nothing more satisfying than taking down a machine up close and personal."

"My spear was only a last resort," Aloy replied with a shake of her head. "Back home, I always preferred to wait in the grass to strike when the time was right."

"You know, I think we'd make a pretty good team," Talanah mused. 

"I think so too. It's too bad we can't actually get out and hunt," she groused, kicking a rock aside. "Back in the Embrace, I didn't need anyone's permission to go anywhere. I simply told Rost - he was my adopted guardian - how long I planned to be out, and then I would be free to go wherever."

"I've overheard tales of the Sacred Lands from soldiers who have come back from war." Talanah looked wistful. "Snow-capped mountains obscured by clouds, valleys full of game so abundant you practically trip over it, and the cleanest water you've ever tasted in your life. It sounds beautiful. You have to miss it a lot."

"I do," Aloy sighed. "And it's not just the land itself. I was just thinking earlier how I'd give anything to even just hold a bow in my hands again, let alone shoot it. Not a lot of opportunities to do that around here."

Talanah gave a furtive glance around, then leaned forward conspiratorially.

"You know," she whispered, "my guardian takes me out of the city once a week to hunt in secret. He wants me to keep my skills sharp for when I eventually try to unseat Ahsis."

"Sounds wonderful. So, what is this supposed to accomplish beyond making me _very_ jealous?" Aloy whispered back.

"My point is, you should come with us sometime." Talanah's eyes were wide with earnesty. "Ask Sahad for permission. I know my guardian will be okay with it."

Aloy pursed her lips. "I really doubt he'd be okay with that."

"Hey, it doesn't hurt to try," she said. "People can often surprise you." 

"I guess." Regretfully, Aloy dropped her gaze down to the packages she held in her arms. "But I should probably get this stuff home before it starts going bad. Especially the meat."

"Wow, I guess it has gotten pretty late," Talanah laughed. "Time flies when you make a new friend, huh?"

The lump of emotion that formed in Aloy's throat was enough to choke her up, and she had to swallow it back before speaking and managing a smile. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess it does."

With a cheerful wave of farewell and a promise to stop by Aloy's home for a visit sometime soon, Talanah was off, melting back into the chaos of the markets. When she put her cloak back on and flipped her hood up this time, Aloy barely noticed her discomfort over the warmth pooling in her gut.

Kadaman, Avad, and now Talanah. For the first time in her life, she had people who she could call friends. It was a bright spot in the murky darkness her life had become, and Aloy was determined to cling to it with everything she had. 

Now if only she could strike up some level of peace with Nil. 

Her good mood carried her through the rest of the day. Opening all of the windows in the house - located on every outward facing wall, so as to catch any available breeze on stifling days like to today - Aloy stripped down to a single layer and laid out on the couch, humming as she scrolled through different entries on her Focus. When the shadows in the living room began to creep up the walls, she hopped to her feet and headed to the pantry to negotiate dinner.

At the markets, she had picked up items she was mostly familiar with. A couple of tender rabbits and some familiar root vegetables would make a decent enough stew - as long as she managed not to overcook the meat.

Of course, that was much easier said than done. Rabbit was fussy on the best of days, and managing the heat coming from the flames of a hearth had never been Aloy's strong suit. She eyed the building fire nervously as she chopped carrots with a large knife.

When she came a hair's breadth away from slicing her own finger off in the process, she returned her focus to the task at hand.

The vegetables, at least, were easy. Even though they were all different shapes and sizes (she'd never been the best at cutting them evenly), they'd take care of themselves in a boiling pot of bone broth, soaking up the savory liquid until they were swollen with flavor. Aloy watching them simmer for several minutes, biting at her lip until she worked up enough courage to try to cook the rabbit.

Summoning all of her concentration, she dripped a little bit of leftover fat from last night's dinner into a heavy cast iron pan and slid it into the hearth next to the hanging pot. Wait for that to heat, brown the pieces of meat, then simmer in the pot for the next hour and a half or so. It was simple, right?

It started off well enough. The chunks of rabbit began to crackle as soon as Aloy set them down into the shimmering layer of fat, filling the first floor with an enticing scent that had saliva filling her mouth instantly. Even the first flip she made went well, smug self-satisfaction welling up in her when perfectly browned meat was revealed. 

And of course, thirty seconds later, everything went to hell.

Aloy had just turned her back to go pluck a few dried and bundled herbs hanging by a window when a thick haze suddenly settled over the kitchen. Whirling around, she froze as she beheld the scene in front of her. Plumes of choking smoke were bellowing out from the hearth, and without another second wasted, she lunged forward. Without thinking, her hand darted into the hearth and grabbed at the handle of the pan.

White hot, agonizing pain shot from her fingers and all the way up her arm, so unbearable that Aloy let out a short scream and dropped her hold on the pan immediately. Stumbling back a few feet, she clutched at her wrist and stared down at her angry red fingers through eyes blurry with tears. She would have fallen straight onto her backside if it weren't for a pair of large hands wrapping around her upper arms and steadying her.

The familiar, slightly breathless voice of her husband sounded a second later. "Go put that hand in the water basin and keep it there. I'll take care of the rest."

Aloy was in too much pain to feel the embarrassment surely lurking in her. Giving a mute nod, she rushed over to said basin, crouched down, and shoved her injured hand into the clean water. It was lukewarm, but the relief it granted her was instant and so great that it dragged a stuttering gasp from her. Finally able to regain her bearings after the chaos of the last couple of minutes, she snuck a peek over her shoulder at Nil.

He had already pulled the pan from the fire with a thickly stitched cloth wrapped around the handle. With the windows open, the smoke dwindled relatively quickly, and Aloy saw Nil place the pan on a counter and take a deep breath before turning to face her. 

"You had the fire too hot, and it caught on some of the fat. But the good news is, I think we can salvage this."

She ducked her head, the tips of her ears burning. Whether it was from anger or shame, she didn't know.

Nil's armored legs clanked noisily as he stepped towards her. "More importantly, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Aloy muttered.

When he crouched down beside her and held out a hand, she flushed even more. 

"May I?"

Wordlessly, she lifted her hand from the water.

His fingers were cool and gentle as they ghosted over the reddened flesh, and Nil studied the skin for a few more seconds before releasing it.

"It's not too bad, but it'll blister. Give me a few minutes."

He disappeared upstairs, and when he returned, he was wearing a genial smile and holding a small pot, a length of cloth, and a tangle of fresh bandages.

"A burn salve," he explained, taking her hand once more and drying it carefully with the cloth. Aloy did her best to grit her teeth through the pain, but by the third pass of the fabric, she was wincing and fighting the urge to level her husband with her uninjured fist.

"I know," Nil murmured sympathetically. "Almost done with this part."

"I'm _fine_ ," she insisted once again, but she could tell he didn't believe her. 

Screwing open the cap to the salve, he dipped a couple of fingers into the gloppy substance. "A little bit of this goes a long way."

It was impossible to bite back the moan which escaped Aloy as he began to spread the lotion over her skin. First it soothed, and then it numbed to the point that the burn became nothing more than a distant, easily ignorable throb. Surprise raised Nil's eyebrows at her vocalization, but he didn't react further beyond a small smile curving his lips.

"Why do you even have burn salve?" she blurted out.

"It's something I always carry with me on the road," he replied as he began to wrap the bandages around her hand. "You never know when you'll run into a machine that spits Blaze, and field medics don't do much more than wrap it and tell you to suck it up. It's expensive, but well worth the price. I'd be covered in burn scars by now if I didn't have this." Finishing up, he tied the bandage neatly, rescrewed the cap to the salve, then held it out to her. "Here. Three times a day, wash your hand, reapply this, then wrap it in bandages."

Stubbornly, Aloy shook her head. "No, that's yours. You said it was expensive."

"And you're my wife," he said exasperatedly. "What's mine is yours. This can always be replaced."

Reluctantly, just as she had with the metal shards that morning, she took the pot of salve from Nil. It was with no small amount of hesitation that she grumbled, "Thank you."

"Now, the fire should have burned down enough, so let's finish up that dinner of yours," he said brightly, slapping at his thighs and rising to his feet. He offered Aloy his hand. She had already swallowed her pride enough for one day, so she turned her head and stumbled to her feet herself. 

Nil didn't seem perturbed. "Rabbit stew, hm?"

"Well, that's what it was supposed to be," she mumbled.

"It's not as bad as you think," Nil reassured. "Just some burnt parts, and those can be scraped off."

"Wish we could just do that with my hand," Aloy said wryly, before she could stop herself. 

Her husband's grin was wide as he sauntered over to the counter to begin the process of salvaging the meat. "We _could_ , but I'm not sure how pleasant that would be for you. Now, go sit down and let me handle this."

"I can help - "

"I don't doubt that, but it's best not to do more damage to that hand." Nil glanced at her pointedly. With an annoyed exhalation, Aloy wandered over to the chaise lounge and collapsed on to it.

"So, how was your time in the markets today?"

Pressing her face into the arm of the lounge, she groaned under her breath. Of course she couldn't escape small talk with him. She could flee up to her room, but her stomach growled in fierce rebuke to that idea. There was also no point in staying silent or deflecting, because her husband would simply prod at her verbally until she talked, finding clever ways to get her to give up the information he wanted. For now, it was best to go along with the conversation. Maybe she could begin to bridge the gap between them, to attempt once again to get closer to this frustrating man and figure out his secrets. She had a pretty good idea of where to start, at least.

"It was perfectly fine," Aloy said eventually. "I met someone who I think you might know.

"Oh?"

"A noblewoman. Her name is Talanah Khane Padish."

Nil's laugh was startled. "Talanah! Yes, I knew her well."

"That's what I thought when she mentioned being close with Kadaman."

"We all spent a lot of time together as children." Finished with his task of scraping, Nil clucked as he tossed the rabbit into the simmering stew. "I used to pull on her pigtails. And oh, the fights we'd get into! She's as tenacious as you are. I'm not surprised you two get along."

"That sounds like something you'd do," Aloy remarked acerbically.

As usual, Nil only grinned in the face of her barb as he sat down at the table. "I do believe you're coming to understand me more. Soon enough we'll be as close as any other married couple."

"I really doubt that," she deadpanned. Still, the conversation was going well enough, and Talanah's offer came to mind. Maybe she could press her luck.

"You know, Talanah mentioned that she goes hunting once a week," Aloy began carefully.

Nil chuckled. "Also unsurprising. It's considered undignified, borderline scandalous for a noblewoman, but I suppose she doesn't give a damn about those things. Nor should she."

Aloy cocked her head. "So you approve?"

"Noblewomen - _all_ women, in fact, should have the ability to choose their path through life," Nil said thoughtfully. "And all people in general should know how to defend themselves in a fight. Highwaymen, machines, slavers - it's a dangerous world out there. Handicapping nearly half of the population does no one any favors."

To say that Aloy was floored by his words was an understatement - with the general Carja attitude towards women, it was as bewildering as his opinion on slavery, if not more so in light of the way he treated her around others. For the first time, she began to get the sense that something larger was at play here, and that maybe - just maybe - she might have misjudged him.

"Obviously, I agree." Aloy worried at her lower lip. If she was going to ask, it might as well be now. "She offered to let me come along sometime. It wouldn't be just us, either. She mentioned her guardian would be there - "

The clatter of wood on wood had Aloy jerking her head up. Nil had jumped to his feet and had his palms pressed into the table, eyes wide and chest heaving with the force of his breathing.

"Nil?"

"Her guardian." His exhale was harsh. "How could I have forgotten - yes. I suppose he would be there, wouldn't he." 

Gradually, he lowered himself back into his seat, his face pale and drawn. Disappointment stabbed at Aloy.

"I guess that's a no, then. Figures."

"I didn't say that," Nil replied tersely. "But I apologize for giving you that impression. I shouldn't have to give it to you to begin with, but you have my express permission to go hunting with Talanah and my - her guardian."

Yet again, he had behaved unexpectedly, and Aloy stared at him for a moment longer before nodding stiffly and turning on the lounge until she was facing the other direction.

Strangely enough, the ensuing quiet while they waited for dinner to cook lacked the awkwardness of their other encounters. It felt almost peaceful, in fact, leaving her more confused than ever. Like the phases of the moon, Nil's moods were ever changing; and now, more than ever, Aloy was determined to find the pattern. It was for her mission, she told herself, and her mission alone. And yet, for some reason, as she stole a glance at her husband over her shoulder, that sentiment rang curiously hollow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talanah! And yes, I probably took a few liberties with her story here to actually get her living in Meridian (interestingly, the comic does show a young Talanah being turned away from the Lodge by Ahsis...so, who knows what the timeline is anymore).
> 
> So, the holidays have made me fall behind in writing this. As such, I'm going to be skipping the update next week while I catch up a bit. Don't worry - I definitely haven't lost my steam on this - I'm still a couple of chapters ahead. That gap is just closing too quickly for my liking!!
> 
> Hope everyone's holiday was safe and relaxing! See yinz in a couple of weeks!


	8. Chapter 7

With a wide yawn, Aloy stared blearily down at her cup of tea. The gentle ripples left over from stirring in her usual spoonful of honey were hypnotic, enough to lull her back into sleep. Sure enough, after a couple minutes of tracing the fading patterns with her eyes, they began to droop, her shoulders relaxed, and -

A thunderous knocking at the door jolted her straight out of her reverie, her heart pounding against her chest as all remnants of sleepiness fled like foxes into the brush. Nil stood from where he had been sitting and nursing his own cup of tea to answer, sparing her a sympathetic glance as he strode to the door. Aloy glared in return, too grumpy to pretend to play nice this morning.

"Sahad Khane Argir," came a crisp voice from the door. "Devastatingly handsome as always." There was a pause. "I'll admit, that armor does a great deal to enhance your generous, ahem, endowments, but perfectly cut and fitted silks can do so much _more_. We shall have to schedule a fitting for you soon, hm?"

"Theradine," her husband replied, his voice full of good humor. "Good to see you too. I'll consider it, but remember, you're here for my wife today."

A soft sigh. "I'm more than aware. The entire city has been abuzz about her ever since your wedding, and frankly, Sahad, I'm hurt that you didn't commission a dress from me."

Aloy could hear the amusement in Nil's voice. "I didn't need to. She wore my mother's."

"Ah, Sahidi," Theradine sighed. "Such a lovely woman. How her tastes surpassed any of her station...mm. I forgive you, this once. Now, I hear that someone is in great need of my help. Where is your blushing new bride?"

Nil stepped aside, and in the next moment, the room exploded in a flurry of movement and color. A svelte older man with greying blonde hair rushed into the room, a vibrant pile of ribbons and bolts of fabric held securely in his arms. Following dutifully behind him was a tiny, mousey girl who couldn't be older than sixteen, her arms just as full as Theradine's. Strikingly large blue eyes scanned the room and locked on to her, and Aloy had the distinct impression of being targeted by a Watcher. Instinctively, she sank down into her chair.

"My, my," Theradine gasped. "Aren't you a feast for the eyes! The eyes, the hair - like spring leaves and flame itself! Sahad, you said nothing of what a gorgeous creature your wife is!"

Out of nowhere, he threw his massive armful of materials onto the table, making Aloy jump yet again. A sputtering cough sounded from the other side of the room as Nil stifled a laugh, and she wondered crossly if now would be a good time to carry out that assassination.

The dressmaker placed a hand over his heart. "Theradine at your service. It's wonderful to finally meet you, Aloy Khane Argir."

"Nice to meet you too," she managed. "And it's just Aloy."

"Well, Aloy, we have a long day ahead of us." Despite his overbearing demeanor, Theradine's smile was kind. "I'm glad you had the sense to dress simply. I've shown up to many a household where the lady is covered in layers - an attempt to show off, I suppose. Foolish, when they'll only be removed moments later! Now, my little flame, if you give me a moment to speak with your husband and settle the bill, my assistant here will help you prepare. Ailah?"

The girl was by Aloy's side the instant Theradine left it, ushering her mutely out of her seat and tugging at the loose shift and knee-length pants she wore as bed clothes with surprisingly strong fingers.

"These must come off, my lady," Ailah said in a soft, breezy voice. "We won't get accurate measurements unless you're down to your underthings."

"Of course," Aloy sighed. "Why would I expect the Carja to have even a speck of modesty about anything?"

"There's no real sense in covering up in the heat," Ailah remarked with a musical giggle. "You have my apologies, though. Once you're done being measured, we'll put you in a robe while you make your fabric and color selections. I'll try to make it as fast as I can."

Aloy couldn't stay disgruntled in the face of how sweet the assistant was. As vulnerable as it felt to undress in front of total strangers, she began to shimmy out of her top layer all the same. Thankfully, her breast band was wide and covered most of her torso, and her bottom half was covered by a pair of shorts which cut off at the upper thigh. In reality, it wasn't any more risque than what the average Carja would wear. But to Aloy, after years of dressing in layers to ward off the cold, it was practically the same as being naked. And of course, her brain took that moment to remind her that her husband was still in the room. Out of reflex, her gaze slid over to him.

Only to find him staring right back at her.

The instant their eyes met, Nil's averted straight back to Theradine, who was still chattering away. Self-conscious heat rose to Aloy's cheeks. She was about to look away, to focus on anything else but the strange, uncomfortable fluttering in her gut, but her husband glanced her way once more, then leaned forward to whisper something in the dressmaker's ear. Theradine straightened in shock as Nil shoved a large pouch of shards at him, but quickly seemed to recover and nod hurriedly. Aloy's eyes narrowed with suspicion.

"Spare no expense," Nil said, his voice now loud enough to be heard. "Whatever Aloy wants, she gets. Just make sure they're on the cutting edge of whatever the fashion is this season."

"Certainly, my lord." Theradine bowed his head, then shot a look at Aloy. "Aren't we a lucky lady to have such a generous husband?"

"Lucky isn't the word I'd use," she muttered under her breath, but she gave Theradine a polite, if strained smile.

"If there isn't anything else, I need to be going." Nil angled his head towards her and gave her a nod. "I'll see you later this evening, Aloy."

With that, he bade both Theradine and Ailah farewell and clinked noisily out the door.

"Now, my lady," Theradine said, his grin as sharp as cactus spikes, "the fun can _truly_ begin."

Even though she felt much like a goose going to slaughter, Aloy stood wearily. Tape measure streaming from his hand like the banner on a battlement, the dressmaker descended on her. She held out each one of her limbs, lifted her head, bent, and turned, all while Theradine barked out body parts and numbers so quickly she could barely keep up. But Ailah scribbled glyphs down on a piece of parchment furiously, never once asking her boss to slow down so she could catch up. The girl was clearly good at what she did, firing back suggestions about subjects Aloy barely had a grasp on - things like 'cut' and 'shape' and 'flow'. 

"Average breasts, wider hips," Theradine muttered to himself. "Square cut necklines are in fashion, thank the Sun. Good."

Reflexively, Aloy covered her chest. "Excuse me? What about my breasts?"

Theradine spared her a distracted glance. "It's an important measurement to determine the fit of clothing which will enhance your assets the most. That's all, my lady."

"And what if I don't want to _enhance_ my assets?" Aloy said through gritted teeth.

"A wedded woman has no need to be so modest," he tsked. "You're not a blushing maiden anymore, and besides, it'll make that handsome man of yours very happy. That's the effect of a well-made dress - he'll simply _ravish_ you. Mm, that reminds me...I'll likely need to do repairs when he rips the seams. Perhaps I should offer to bundle those into the total cost - "

"Okay, I get it!" she said loudly.

"Actually, now that I think about it, young Sahad isn't that type. Far too polite." Theradine gave a hearty chuckle. "Perhaps you're the ravisher in this situation, hm? Not that I can blame you. His bust circumference...why, it's larger than your own! I would know. I took the measurement myself, after all."

At a total loss for words, Aloy simply gaped at him.

Theradine snapped the tape away, rolling it up in a smooth motion. "But enough of that. Ailah, dear, fetch a robe for her so we can talk materials."

Before his assistant had even finished wrapping the luscious robe around Aloy, Theradine was chattering away again about style, cut, and color - and this time, she was clearly intended to be an active participant. The only problem was, she had no earthly idea what he was talking about.

"...but we must first decide on colors!" he declared as Aloy sat down at the table. Bending over, he grabbed at several different fabrics bound together as a book would be. "Dark, rich hues are in fashion this season, but I believe we can get the jump on next season if we go just a tad more saturated. Now, what are your preferences?"

Theradine's gaze bored into her expectantly.

"Why does it matter?" Aloy asked after a moment of silence, confused. "It's all going to accomplish the same purpose. I really don't care."

"Everyone cares, whether they think so or not." He studied her for a moment, and something in his expression eased. "Why don't we start with your favorite color?"

She drummed her fingers on the table. "I've never really thought about it, but...green, I guess. Or blue. Like grass...and the sky." She cringed. "Well, so much for eloquence."

"Ah, earth tones! There we are!" Theradine said, the smile lighting up his face making him appear years younger. "And with your complexion, those will suit you well indeed. Perhaps some purple as well? Sahad favors it, and it's one of the Argir House colors."

Unbidden, memories of Nil clad in nothing but a knee-length pair of loose pants riding low on his hips formed in her head, and Aloy swallowed.

"Purple is...nice."

"Those colors play nicely together too," Ailah piped up from where she was going through a pile of ribbon. "Gold as well."

Theradine heaved a dreamy sigh. "Yes, perfect. This is exactly why you're my assistant, my dear."

"That, and Kudiv would tan your hide if you tried to get rid of me," she replied archly.

Aloy cocked her head. "Kudiv?"

The smile Theradine gave was tiny but full of affection. "My, ah, partner. My lover, actually. My sweet, canny adventurer who is away from home as we speak, searching for exotic goods to sell to those with more expensive tastes."

"Oh." She sat back in her chair. "Well, she definitely sounds interesting."

"He," Ailah corrected.

"Oh, sorry," Aloy said sheepishly. "I've only seen men and women together since coming to Meridian. Which is strange, now that I think about it. Is there some sort of Carja custom around that?"

"People of the same sex aren't allowed to marry in the Sundom, I'm afraid," Theradine said with a tight-lipped smile. "Even being intimate with each other can be a risky proposition, although most tend to look the other way."

Aloy leaned forward, her curiosity stirred. "Why? Isn't that just denying half of your attraction?"

Theradine seemed to relax a great deal. "I see that the Nora are more forward-thinking about such matters! How lovely. But no, I've never had any interest in women. In truth, I'd be denying myself entirely if I wasn't able to partake in a relationship with a man."

"Wait, is having an interest in only men or women a thing?" Aloy blinked rapidly. "But...I thought everyone was interested in both."

The laugh he gave was rich and full. "Oh, my little flame! How sweet! No, most people are solely interested in the opposite sex. Being attracted to both or the same is actually rather rare."

"I guess I haven't been around enough people to know," she mumbled, the tips of her ears warming. "I just assumed that everyone was the same as me and that men and women only paired off for children."

"You're not as alone as you think," Theradine reassured. "Your husband is of a similar persuasion to you, in fact. Ah, but I'm sure you already knew that."

"Uh, yeah."

"We should probably move on to styles, Theradine," Ailah said. Leaning over to Aloy, she whispered, "Just so you're aware, my lady, this is the part that takes awhile."

"Wonderful," she intoned.

Ailah hadn't been lying. Theradine lobbed her with questions as hard and as fast as arrows, all while spending just as much time questioning and arguing with himself. Aloy remained seated the entire time, but the ordeal quickly grew exhausting. Apparently, there wasn't just one kind of silk - charmeuse and chiffon and crêpe were just a few of the different weaves, not to mention the sheer variety of patterns that were available, and she couldn't discern much of a difference between them no matter how much the dressmaker insisted there was one. Eventually, realizing that he wasn't getting anywhere with her, he threw up his hands and remarked tartly that he'd decide it all himself. Thankfully, Ailah intervened with a tactful change of subject to the topic of trim; and it was then, with some humor, that Aloy realized that she doubled as an emotional assistant for the man as well.

But in truth, she didn't mind the company of the dressmaker and his assistant as much as she had at the start. While Theradine was energetic and talkative - to say the least - he also had a particular kindness about him that allowed her to drop her guard. Perhaps it was also the fact that he, by nature of his romantic preferences, was considered nearly as much of an outsider in Carja society as she was (although admittedly with the benefit of being able to blend in more seamlessly). There was a certain rare camaraderie to be found there, and she soaked in the ability to, for once, speak freely.

"I said it once, I'll say it again," Theradine said a couple of hours later as he finished up a quick sketch, "you're lucky to have such a generous, doting husband. An entire wardrobe full of top of the line dresses, day clothing, and hu - " he coughed loudly, and Aloy raised an eyebrow - "mm, excuse me. As I was saying, all of that, and a rush order to boot. Why, Kudiv, Ailah, and I could subsist off the sum alone for the next six months!"

"He's not what I'd call generous _or_ doting," Aloy shot back. "You should see the way he treats me around others. It's awful."

Theradine considered her a moment, then turned towards his assistant. "Ailah, fetch me that bottle of mead, would you? The older one."

She looked doubtful. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, yes. We're about done here, and I think we've all earned a bit of a drink." He angled back towards Aloy. "You must partake too, my lady. Consider it a reward for putting up with my eccentricities for the past few hours."

"I'm surprised you're so self-aware."

"Mm, I know how I can be," Theradine chuckled. "Kudiv reminds me of it enough, and my love was always better with handling people than me."

Aloy accepted a cup of mead from Ailah with a thank you, to which the assistant gave a grin before handing Theradine one. She then settled down on the chaise lounge with her own cup with a weary groan. "Eh, you're not so bad. An acquired taste, but a good one, I'd say."

"Thank you, my dear. On the topic of Sahad…" He swirled his drink in his glass thoughtfully. "I saw quite enough this morning, and I stand by what I said. The way that man looks at you…" Theradine shook his head. "Like a water well at the end of a long trek through the desert."

Thankfully having swallowed her mouthful of the honeyed beverage a second prior, Aloy snorted. "I think you need to see about checking that vision of yours."

"Mm, hardly. My abilities to thread a needle and sew an even stitch are as precise as they were when I was Ailah's age." He sat back in his chair, his gaze suddenly somewhere far off. "Which, incidentally, is around the time I met your husband. He was a lot smaller then, though."

"You've known him for that long?"

"I have indeed," Theradine confirmed. "He was a shy one, always hiding behind his mother's skirts when I dropped by with samples of fabric for her to peruse."

Try as she might, Aloy couldn't imagine Nil ever being so young. Eyes as piercing as his didn't seem like they could ever fit on the sweet, rounded face of a child, and thinking of such a large man as once being small was a near impossibility.

"And Sahidi Khane Argir...by the Sun, she was a true noblewoman in every sense of the word. Clever, strong, not afraid to inform you when you were being an ass - pardon my language, my lady, mead has a tendency to loosen me up a tad too much, I'm afraid - but she was also gentle and kind. And giving, let's not forget that! She spent quite a lot of time down in Meridian Village handing out provisions she bought herself to the more unfortunate souls, especially the little ones. The world truly was lesser when she passed. And what happened after…" Theradine trailed off. "Ah, forgive this old gossip. I should seal these lips of mine."

Aloy couldn't deny that her curiosity was piqued, but she managed to temper it. Nil's past was his own, and it's not like she was much interested in it anyway. Still, she had to admit that what she had heard of his mother had made her out to be a wonderful woman (and also left her wondering how someone as awful as her husband could have spawned from such a saint), and she was suddenly glad that she had gone through the effort to take care of the deceased woman's clothing. 

"Back to Sahad, though." Theradine sighed. "My little flame, appearances can be deceiving. I can craft the finest dress for the most beautiful woman in all the Sundom, but her demeanor could be as rotten as that of the spoiled core of an apple. What I'd advise is to speak with him about what you're feeling. He's a good listener, and I guarantee that he'd listen to anything you have to say."

"It's not that easy!" Aloy burst out. She quickly took a gulp of her mead, then forced her tone back into some semblance of evenness. Apparently, Theradine wasn't the only one whose lips were loosened by alcohol. "Everyone keeps telling me that he's not that bad, but they don't have to put up with the way he talks to me in public! He humiliated me in front of a bunch of stuck-up nobles, then had to gall to act all...all nice the second we got home!" Miserably, she slumped in her chair. "He's so confusing, and I hate it. I hate him."

"I don't think you do at all, actually, but I also know there's no use attempting to convince someone so far into their cup of anything," Theradine said lightly. "In any case, it's regrettably about time for me to take my leave. All I ask is that you think on what I said, my dear."

"Fine," Aloy muttered. Remembering that she ought to at least attempt to be polite, she stumbled to her feet, nearly toppling over and into Theradine in the process. "Ugh, sorry."

"I think you may need to lie down for a spell, my lady," he remarked, offering his arm to her. She took it gratefully. "No shame in it, mead is on the stronger end of the scale...come, over to the couch with you."

Aloy allowed him to guide her to the chaise lounge which Ailah had already vacated to pack up the pair's staggering amount of supplies. After lowering her carefully down onto the cushion, Theradine took her hand and pressed a genteel kiss into the back of it.

"An entire wardrobe in two weeks time." His blue eyes glimmered. "And in a couple of days, an extra surprise, just for you, my little flame. Until then, farewell!"

She barely registered what Theradine said, already sinking into the comfort of the lounge. The world felt like too much, so Aloy decided to close her eyes for a moment, just to tune some of it out. A pleasant, fuzzy feeling crackled in her fingers and toes, radiating up into her limbs, and gradually, her muscles loosened and relaxed. A few minutes later, the front door slammed shut, but she was no longer conscious enough to hear it.

The door creaking back open was what woke her. Aloy was about to ask if Theradine and Ailah had forgotten anything when she realized that the light in the house had totally changed. Instead of the neutral hues of midday, the first floor was lit with a soft, orangey glow. With a frown, she sat up. Somehow, she had slept the entire day away.

Footsteps sounded a moment later, accompanied by Nil stepping slowly through the doorway. He turned to her, a smile spreading over his face as he caught sight of her, and Aloy's breath caught. The light streaming in from outside washed half of her husband's face in golden light, turning the black strands of his hair into glistening strands of fine gossamer, while the other half was obscured by the cool, dark shadows of the evening twilight hour. Distantly, she wondered if she was still dreaming.

He walked towards her then, and her eyes followed, unable to be torn away from the mesmerizing sight in front of her. It was only Nil clearing his throat which broke her free from the spell, and Aloy realized two things. One, the expression on his face had turned to uncharacteristic apprehension, strange on such a normally confident man. Two, he was holding something large and wrapped in parchment paper behind his back. His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he lifted it and held it out to her.

Perplexed, she took the package from him, finally managing to avert her eyes. Whatever it was, it was oddly shaped and _very_ heavy.

"Nil, what is this?"

"It's a gift," he replied elusively. "Something you'll be needing very soon. Open it and see."

Sparing him a last confused look, Aloy then tore into the paper.

When the last shreds of the parchment fell away to reveal the contents, she didn't even think to stifle her shocked gasp.

There, in her lap, sat a fine leather quiver. And more importantly, beneath that was the achingly familiar curve of a hunting bow. Unable to help herself, she brushed trembling fingers over the smooth carved wood of the grip, over the metal of the pulleys, over the decorative feathers and beads. It was beautiful, better crafted than any weapon she'd ever seen, much less held, in her life. When tears sprang up in her eyes, it wasn't at all a surprise.

"This is...this is mine?" Aloy whispered, her voice wavering with the force of her emotions.

"It is," Nil confirmed, his voice warm. "You'll have to do some adjustments in terms of resistance, but yes. She's all yours."

She finally got a hold of her racing thoughts. "What did you mean about me needing it soon?"

"Well," he drawled, "you can't go on a hunting trip without a suitable weapon."

Jerking her head up, Aloy stared at him through wide eyes. "Wait. What are you talking about?"

"In a week's time, I'm going to be taking you out of the city for a few days to go hunting together." His eyes crinkled in the corners. "And in a couple of days, you'll have suitable hunting clothes and armor too."

"So _that's_ the surprise Theradine mentioned!" she cried. 

Nil gifted her with a lopsided grin. "It is indeed."

Her grip on the bow tightened. "Nil, this is…" 

"The only caveat is that we must be discreet so that word does not get back to Jiran," he continued. "If anyone asks, we're touring the Maizelands and a few nearby estates in the Jewel because you're curious about Carja agriculture. Understood?"

Giving a nod, Aloy kept her head dropped. The tears were so numerous now that she could barely see through them, not to mention her head had begun to throb insistently. Nonetheless, she managed to say, "Thank you. This is... incredibly thoughtful."

"So it pleases you, then? You'd like to go?" The note of anxiety in his voice was unmistakable, and she wondered what he had to be nervous about.

Aloy chuckled wetly. "Are you kidding me? Of course I want to go. It's been over a month since I've even held a bow. But..." Confident that she was no longer on the verge of bursting into tears, she lifted her head. "Why are you doing this for me?"

"Someone like you shouldn't be caged up like this, Aloy," Nil said quietly. "I'm very much looking forward to seeing you in your element."

"Why do you care so much, though?" she pressed. "Not that I'm not grateful, but...it doesn't make sense."

"Regardless of the circumstances of our marriage, you're my wife, Aloy. You deserve to find some measure of happiness in such a cruel world," he said. "That's all."

Aloy obviously wasn't going to get very far with this line of questioning. It occurred to her then that perhaps Theradine had been correct in this assessment that she had been deceived by appearances when it came to Nil, and that gave her hope - hope that she could begin to grow closer to him, hope that it would enable her to do what needed to be done. Hope that someday soon, she'd get to go home. 

And yet, as she took in both the gentle smile on Nil's face and the grey warmth of his eyes, she couldn't help but feel a stab of unease in her heart. If she had all of this fledgling hope, then why wasn't it filling her with as much joy as she would have expected? 

Her head took that exact moment to give another throbbing pulse, more painful than before, and this time it was accompanied by a roiling wave of nausea. Sucking in a breath, Aloy bent forward over her bow.

Nil was kneeling by her side in an instant, his hand raised as if to touch her. "Aloy? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just - " Greasy nausea overcame her again, and she carefully exhaled through her nose. " _Ugh_."

A steadying hand was laid on her shoulder. "Are you feeling ill?"

"Damn Theradine," she moaned, burying her face in her hands. "Damn him and his _stupid_ mead."

A cough that sounded suspiciously close to a laugh sounded from beside her, but Aloy was too sick to lift her head and glare at her husband.

"Well, that would explain a lot. Always has a bottle on him, always willing to share. And I take it you're not very used to alcohol either."

All she could muster was a low groan.

That hand on her shoulder moved to her back, where it began to rub in small, slow circles. If Aloy wasn't feeling as though she was about to vomit, she might have minded that he was touching her so intimately. But right now, it was the sole comfort combatting her misery, so she leaned into it.

"Why don't we get you up to bed? I can make you a tea for that hangover that should help a little bit. Otherwise, I'm afraid this is the sort of ailment you need to sleep off."

"Been...been sleeping all day," Aloy gasped. 

"And so you'll sleep more," Nil said decisively. "Come on, let's go. Don't be too proud to lean on me if you need to." His tone took on a sly note. "Otherwise, I might have to carry you."

"All right, all right, I'm getting up." Summoning her best scowl, Aloy stood on unsteady feet. The room around her wavered and spun dizzyingly, and out of instinct, she grasped at Nil's arm.

"Easy," he murmured. A thick arm wrapped itself supportively around her waist. "I've got you."

Gradually, they made their way over to the stairs, and as Nil began to help her up the steps, Aloy grew increasingly aware of the way he was touching her. The heat from his forearm warmed her lower back, and with how she was half leaning on him, she could feel the shifting of his powerful muscles beneath his bare skin as he half-carried her. She began to feel rather warm herself, but stubbornly dismissed it as body heat from her husband - nevermind the fact that once they had reached her bedroom and he had helped situate her in her bed, that warmth mostly remained.

After pulling the covers up and over her - an action which Aloy attempted to protest, because she wasn't a child who needed to be coddled, _thank you very much_ \- Nil lingered in the doorway for a moment, backlit by the machine oil lamps in the hallway.

"I'll fetch you that tea I spoke of, but did you want anything to eat?"

Her stomach churned violently at the thought alone, and she shook her head vehemently. "All-Mother, no. I think it would end up all over me if I tried."

"Understandable," Nil chuckled. "I'll be back in a few minutes. Try to relax, okay?"

"Okay." Aloy gnawed at her lower lip. "And Nil?"

He had been halfway out the door, but he turned back to face her. "Yes?"

"I, uh…" She twisted her fingers in her lap. "Thank you. For everything."

Aloy couldn't make out his face through the darkness, but when Nil spoke, his voice was warm and a little husky. "You're welcome, Aloy. And in the future, if there's anything you need or want, you have but to ask."

He took his leave then, and Aloy reclined back on to her mess of pillows, wondering why, for the life of her, she couldn't seem to quell the pounding of her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been writing at a ridiculous pace lately, so you're getting this chapter only a day late! Yay!
> 
> I've been there Aloy...day drinking and the resulting hangovers are not fun. 😔 But we have a hunting trip planned! Yay quality time together in the wilds!!


	9. Chapter 8

"Just have to tighten it up a little bit more here and...there!"

Aloy drew back the string on her bow, giving a triumphant grin as it pulled with the perfect amount of resistance. She had spent the afternoon meticulously adjusting the tension, and as picky as she was, finally getting it right filled her with a sense of accomplishment she hadn't felt in a long time.

Satisfied, Aloy leaned back in her chair. Two more days, and, even though it was only for a short amount of time, she'd be back where she belonged.

With her anticipation for the hunting trip at the forefront of her mind at all times, the past five days had crawled by at a snail's pace. A few times, Aloy's impatience had nearly boiled over to the point of her pestering Nil about leaving early, but she had managed to restrain herself so far. The trip was already enough of a gift, and besides, she had no idea what his prior obligations were.

A guilty pang echoed through her as she realized that she still didn't actually know where her husband went or what he did during the daytime hours. Every night, he would inquire about what she occupied herself with that day, and Aloy knew it was likely a lot less than whatever he was doing, on account of his being a kestrel. There was no way an elite soldier of his caliber didn't have a multitude of duties to attend to.

"Well, he hasn't exactly been the easiest person to get along with," she muttered to herself, although her words rang hollow in the face of the hunting trip and the brand new bow she held in her hands.

In truth, Aloy was beginning to feel as though she was being ungrateful, and it wasn't an emotion she relished. Since court, Nil had been nothing but kind and considerate of her. No longer did she dart up to her room the second he stepped in the door - instead, evenings were spent together in the living area, spread out over the brand new couches and chairs he had ordered. Sometimes they talked, but most of the time they sat together in companionable silence. Nil would spend his time either reading a scroll or sharpening his sword and variety of knives, while Aloy, not keen to fiddle with her Focus with her husband around, mostly tinkered with her bow. He would offer suggestions on how best to modify the weapon which, to her chagrin, were helpful and innovative more often than not. Whatever she felt about him, she had to admit that his knowledge on the subject of weapons nearly surpassed her own.

In any case, guilt and personal feelings of ingratitude were useless and more than a little silly in this situation when she'd be ending his life in a few short months, Aloy reminded herself. She'd have to do better with worming her way into his good graces while staying emotionally detached. 

Now was as good as of time as any to consider her options for carrying out the assassination when the time came. Striking while they were both at home seemed, at this juncture, to be the best option - perhaps she could creep into his room in the dead of night with one of his many knives in hand, impaling him through the heart or neck before he had time to react. Or maybe she could bide her time in some shadowy corner of the living area and wait for him to come home at dusk, arrow drawn and at the ready for a clean shot through the head.

But oddly enough, the thought of those silver eyes widening with betrayal and fear right before the moment of his death did not give her the usual delicious satisfaction. Instead, her throat tightened and her stomach rolled uneasily. As it often did these days, Rost's voice rang out sternly in her head.

_Now's not the time to get soft, Aloy. Remember who he is and what you've been sent here to do. With all that he's probably done, he's hardly human anymore. It's no different than putting down a crazed boar._

An even knock sounded at the door, startling her out of her thoughts. Aloy placed her bow down with a knitted brow. Visitors weren't a common occurrence - in fact, the only one she'd ever had was Theradine dropping off her brand new hunting clothes a few days ago (and immediately demanding she put them on to show off his hard work), and no one had ever called on Nil.

Her opening the front door revealed a man in simple yet well-made clothing, holding out an elegantly bound scroll.

"A royal summons for Aloy Khane Argir," he announced, bowing his head. "Good day, my lady."

An intense wave of anxiety rolled over her as she took the scroll. The messenger immediately darted back into the street, leaving her standing in the doorway and staring at the summons in her hands as though it might grow teeth and bite her.

"Might as well get this over with," Aloy sighed.

Holding her breath, she undid the shiny golden twine holding the scroll together and slowly unrolled it. As her eyes skimmed over the expertly penned glyphs, she released that breath, and a fond smile tugged at her lips.

_My newest but no less dear friend,_

_I hope this correspondence finds you well. Promptly at the first bell tomorrow afternoon, my brother and I are hosting a private luncheon in the Palace of the Sun and would very much enjoy your lovely presence. You need not fret about our father rearing his ugly head at any time - he will be spending most of the day holed up in his war room and therefore shouldn't be an issue. Even if he does appear, we have a multitude of ways to spirit you away so as not to draw notice._

_Yours,_

_His Royal Highness Sun-Prince Kadaman_

_P.S. Another friend of ours will be in attendance, which should be cause for excitement - a little bird told me you two have already been well acquainted._

Well, that solved the dilemma of how she would be frittering away her last day before her and Nil's expedition. Spending time with the friendly Sun-Princes - as well as Talanah, Aloy was pleased to note - sounded much more exciting than pacing around the house all day and checking her gear dozens of times. 

When Nil arrived home later and she tentatively broached the subject, he was in full agreement.

"You don't need to ask my permission to go do these things," he said with a shake of his head. "Besides, they're all good people. I'm happy you're becoming friends with them."

After a moment's hesitation, Aloy asked, "And what about you? Did you want to come along? I mean, they were your friends first."

Nil sighed, carding a hand through his hair. "I have much to do tomorrow, seeing as we'll be out of the city for two days. I'm not certain Kadaman would look kindly upon seeing me so soon after our last encounter, anyway. Blood spilled, even between friends, tends to be a fraught situation."

At Aloy's alarmed look, he snorted. "Well now, don't look at me as though I've stolen your kill. It was a sparring match, it happens. We both roughed each other up, and it was nothing permanent. The only thing truly wounded was his pride, and he'll forgive me for that soon enough."

Despite Aloy's overwhelming skepticism, she let the subject drop.

The next afternoon was overcast, but Aloy felt more exuberant than she had since coming to Meridian. The only dampening factor to her mood was a slight amount of tension over the possibility of running into the Sun-King, but she tried to take Kadaman's words about him being busy all day to heart. 

Sure enough, she was able to give an obviously bored guard stationed outside of the Palace of the Sun her name and be led inside by an attendant without any incident. 

There, in a much smaller and cozier room than the space the court event had taken place in, were Kadaman, Avad, and Talanah, wearing a colorful mishmash of casual silks and relaxing on couches littered with a variety of plush pillows. Upon seeing her, the three all lit up at once and called out a variety of greetings.

"Aloy, my dear!" Kadaman cried, lifting his arms. "What a vision of beauty you are today! Come, choose something to eat and sit with us. We've been waiting for you."

"Good to see you all too," she grinned.

Her eyes trailed over to a low table, where an impressive spread of meats, nuts, fruits, and pastries were all arranged artfully into a lovely display. Grabbing a fragile looking plate, Aloy piled as much food as the small surface could hold, her stomach already rumbling in anticipation for the mini-feast she had picked out for herself.

"Hungry?" asked an amused Talanah as Aloy plopped down beside her unceremoniously.

"Oh, yeah," she replied, her fingers already closing around a slice of chilled turkey. "I haven't had a chance to eat yet today."

"Go ahead and have your fill, then," Avad said encouragingly. "There's far too much food for the four of us to finish, anyway."

"I'll have to have a word with the kitchens about how wasteful this all is," Kadaman sniffed. "I know how much father enjoys his excesses, but the least we can do is hand off the leftovers to the staff, if not citizens in need in Meridian Village. Perhaps that will be my next project."

Avad grimaced. "And you know I'm in agreement. Just make sure father doesn't catch wind of this scheme of yours, or it'll be both of our heads. Again."

"So," Aloy said after swallowing a mouthful of berries, "what brought all this on?"

Kadaman sent her a devastatingly handsome smile. "Is it not enough that I missed your spectacular presence, my dear?"

"You know, brother, you could attempt _not_ flirting with every person you come across for once," Avad muttered under his breath. "In case you've forgotten, she's _married_."

"Not exactly willingly," Aloy interjected. 

"Oh, believe me, I have not forgotten," Kadaman sighed, resting a hand over his heart. "Indeed, her and Sahad's marriage is the very reason why I no longer have the opportunity to pursue - "

"As for the reason we requested your presence here today," Avad said, loudly enough to drown out his brother, "we found out that you had met Talanah in the markets and believed it would be an enjoyable diversion to spend a few hours together. That's all."

"We spend a lot of time together as it is," Talanah added. "You get along with all of us, so including you was easy."

Warmth pooled in Aloy's belly at Talanah's words. Was this what having actual friends was like? If so, it was something to be treasured - and something that would be hard to let go of when it came time to flee Meridian, she realized.

But she pushed that thought aside for now, instead remarking, "You've all known each other since you were children, right?"

"We have indeed," Kadaman confirmed. A conspiratorial look on his face, he leaned in close. "And at one point, it was intended to be much more than that. Did you know that Talanah and I used to be betrothed?"

Aloy's eyes widened as she looked between the two. "No, I didn't."

"Here we go," Talanah groaned. Avad bent forward to give a conciliatory pat on the knee.

"Not a day goes by that I don't regret the untimely dissolution of what would have assuredly been a most happy union." Kadaman held out his arms to Talanah beseechingly, but she shoved them away with a stuck out tongue and a wrinkled nose.

But also present was the faint blush Aloy had seen on her face in the market, she was interested to note.

"I didn't know you two had that kind of, um, relationship."

"Oh, no," Talanah laughed. "Trust me, we've only ever been friends. It was arranged for us, much the way yours and Sahad's was."

"Do _any_ Carja have the option of choosing their mate?" Aloy asked, exasperated. "Or do you all marry whoever someone else tells you to?"

"Highborn nobles generally don't have a choice," Kadaman said with a rueful smile. "Especially not those of us belonging to the Radiant House."

Aloy nodded her understanding. "And what happened? Why was it dissolved?"

"I think we'd better start with why it was arranged in the first place," Talanah said thoughtfully. "I was born into an ancient noble House - on the same tier as Sahad's, actually, due to the fact that both of us can trace our lineage straight back to Araman the Founder's most loyal followers. With the exception of very rare cases" - here she gestured to Aloy - "the nobility only marry within their class, and the consort of a potential future Sun-King must be especially highborn. It was a natural match."

"What parents you happen to be born to is a ridiculous way to determine capability," Aloy pointed out. "Nothing about that seems natural."

"I don't think anyone in this room would disagree with you, Aloy," Avad reassured. "Unfortunately, everyone outside of it holds a very different opinion on the matter."

"The betrothal was arranged back when we were children, when our father was less - well, you know," Kadaman added.

Talanah's lips twisted. "And you already know about how my father and brother's noble actions in the Sun-Ring led to the 'disgrace' of my House. There was no way his Radiance would allow his heir's consort to be a disgraced noblewoman." She cocked her head in thought. "Speaking of which, I've always thought it was strange that I wasn't immediately thrown into the Sun-Ring the second I stepped foot back in Meridian. I guess your bunghole of a father was feeling charitable that day."

"I may have had a word or two with father about using you as a living example of what happens to one's family and status when they act against the supposed 'will of the Sun'," Kadaman said off-handedly. "All while acting suitably grateful for his breaking of our arrangement, mind you."

Talanah's gaze shot to him. "Kadi - I didn't know - you never told me - "

"You give me far too little credit, dearest," he tsked. "As if I'd sit by and allow someone I care for as deeply as you to be thrown to the machines." Kadaman held her gaze for a few seconds longer, and right at the moment where Aloy began to feel as though she was intruding on something deeply private and personal, he went on. 

"Naturally, our betrothal meant that we were encouraged to spend quite the amount of time together, hence why we all ended up as close as we are." He sighed mournfully. "We were so very fortunate to have forged such a deep friendship. I've watched many a poor match lead to the mismanagement of an estate, and with the entire Sundom at stake, I am of the opinion that at least a favorable rapport is vital. I think of the potential often - what a marvelous team we would have made!"

"I'm of that opinion too," Aloy said. She popped a handful of nuts into her mouth, satisfied at the crunch they made beneath her teeth. "Being, you know, a part of one of those 'poor matches'."

"And how are matters between you and Sahad?" inquired Avad kindly. "Surely they've improved."

"If they haven't, I'll be vexed," Kadaman muttered. "Especially after the _very_ thorough lesson I taught him in the sparring rings."

Aloy fought a smile. Apparently, Nil and Kadaman held polar opposite views on who had come out on top in that particular conflict. 

That smile faded slightly but remained as she stared down at her mostly cleared plate. "Honestly, they have gotten better. Nil has actually been...kind to me. Although I'm not sure how much your little spat had to do with it."

Kadaman pulled a face as he flopped back onto his couch. "Ugh. Not that I'm not glad to hear it, but why does Sahad insist on going by that _ridiculous_ nickname of his? Who would want to refer to themselves as a synonym for nothing?"

"Knowing him, he probably finds it funny," Talanah commented dryly.

"Kadaman, hush," Avad reprimanded before turning his attention back towards Aloy. "That's wonderful to hear. We'll all have to spend time together at some point."

"I think I'd like that," she said after a moment, surprising herself with her surety.

Avad's answering smile was as brilliant as the sun, but there was a calculating gleam to his eye that had Aloy wondering what exactly he was thinking.

"And if he decides to misbehave, we are more than capable of keeping him in line," Kadaman added primly.

A sudden commotion outside of the room drew Aloy's attention from the brothers, and a second later the door flew open. Accompanied by a string of excited exclamations, a richly clothed little boy who appeared to be somewhere between the ages of three and four bolted into the room. He made a beeline for Kadaman, who opened his arms and let out a joyful, surprised laugh when the child crashed into him.

"Kadi! Kadi!"

Picking him up, Kadaman exclaimed, "Itamen! Escaped again, I see." 

"Our little brother," Avad explained to a half confused, half amused Aloy with a grin. "He's supposed to spend his days in the nursery and gardens, but as you can see, he has quite the taste for freedom."

At that moment, a very harried-looking woman bustled into the room. Upon viewing those assembled, her expression morphed into one of horror, and she fell to her knees at once.

"Your - your Highnesses! My ladies!" she gasped, bending over so far that her forehead touched the floor. "Please, forgive me, I only turned my attention away for a sole second - "

"No, no, none of that," Kadaman said firmly. "On your feet at once, please. We all know how slippery this little one can be, and in any case, I am not my father. You have nothing to fear from any of us."

The woman raised her head from the ground, her face crumpled with overwhelming relief. "Oh, thank you, Your Highness, thank you so much - "

"Gratitude is not necessary here." Kadaman said with a finality that was not to be questioned. His gaze grew fond as it dropped down to his little brother. "You know, I believe that we'll take care of Itamen for awhile. It's been far too long since I've spent time with my favorite little brother."

Avad shot him a mock hurt look. "I thought I was your favorite little brother."

" _You_ are not nearly as cute," Kadaman chuckled, giving Itamen's close-cropped black hair an affectionate ruffle. 

"Sorry, Avad. I'm inclined to agree with Kadi," Talanah said with a grin. 

Itamen's attendant clearing her throat had everyone's attention snapping back to her. With a bow of her head, she edged towards the door. "As you wish, Your Highness. I will wait outside and will come when called."

When the door shut, Aloy's gaze drifted back over to the young prince - only to find him staring back at her through enormous brown eyes. 

Never having actually interacted with any children in her life and unsure of what else to do, she gave a little wave. "Um, hello."

Mutely, Itamen climbed off of Kadaman's lap, keeping that wide-eyed gaze locked on her the entire time. He took a few paces towards her, stopping at her knee to study her intently.

"Kadi, 'vad," he said, raising a stubby little finger to point at Aloy. "Her hair. It's _orange_."

"Itamen, that wasn't very polite," Avad admonished. "That's not how a prince greets people, and we don't point either. Now, what do we say when meeting a lady for the first time?"

Itamen eyed his big brother sullenly, then lowered his hand and stuck it out further. His face pinched with concentration, he said, "Sorry, lady. It's very...very nice to meet you."

A delighted smile burst onto Aloy's lips when she realized he was offering her his little hand to shake, and most of her nervousness thankfully died away. "Really, it's all right." Solemnly, she engulfed his hand in her own and shook it. "My name is Aloy. It's very nice to meet you too, Itamen."

"A...Awoy," Itamen tried.

"Aloy," Kadaman corrected immediately. "Try again."

"Awoy."

Avad interjected this time, drawing her name out precisely and slowly. "A-l-o-y."

"A-w-o-y."

Itamen's intense frown of concentration was quickly degrading into a pout, and although she didn't know a lick about children, Aloy knew enough about people in general to understand that this probably wasn't headed anywhere good.

"Hey, you did your best," she said, offering the child a serious nod when he lifted his brown eyes to her. "You can call me whatever is easiest for you."

Kadaman seemed as though he wanted to protest, but a pointed look from Talanah silenced him. 

After a moment of consideration, Itamen raised his arms with a serious, expectant expression on his tiny face. Confused, Aloy glanced around at the other adults in the room.

"I think he wants you to pick him up," Talanah offered helpfully.

The urge to smack her hand over her own face was high. "Oh. Right."

Biting her lip in concentration, Aloy bent over and slid her hands beneath the boy's arms and lifted him gingerly, just as she had seen Kadaman do. Itamen was surprisingly heavy for his small stature - maybe twice the weight of her bow, but way more awkward (not to mention terrifyingly fragile) to hold. Once she had set him down in her lap, however, he rearranged himself until he was in a vastly more comfortable position, much to her relief.

Talanah chose that moment to lean forward eagerly. "So, Aloy. Have you given any more thought to going hunting with my guardian and I? Did you bring it up to Sahad?"

"My, how scandalous and unladylike of you two," Kadaman drawled, throwing a wink in Talanah's direction in response to her dirty look. "I love it."

Aloy bit her lip. There wasn't any harm in letting them in on their plans, was there?

"Actually, Nil and I are leaving tomorrow to do just that," she finally admitted. "We're supposed to be gone for a couple of days in the Jewel."

Talanah's expression was one of mild surprise. "Oh, really?" She shrugged. "I guess I'll have to steal you away some other time. We'll work out the details soon."

Meanwhile, a massive grin had spread over Kadaman's face. But before he could open his mouth to say anything - and he clearly wanted to - Avad threw a hard kick across his shins, eliciting an excited giggle from Itamen.

"Sun and shadow - " The crown prince bent over to rub at his leg with a wince. "Little brothers, behave yourselves!" 

"Mind your language in front of Itamen, older brother," Avad shot back.

Raising a brow, Aloy decided that she was better off not getting involved in whatever that was about. Instead, she turned her attention back to Talanah.

"I meant to ask," she said softly. "What happened to that little Nora girl from the markets? The slave."

"My guardian and I got her away from that fu - um, I mean, awful man and out of the city with no issue," Talanah reassured. "By now, she's probably already made it to the borders of the Sundom, where she'll be taken in by other displaced Nora. It's not the easiest life, but it's better than slavery, and she'll at least be among her people again." Her eyes wandered over to the oldest prince. "And once Kadi's on the throne, we can end slavery once and for all and start working on a better solution for those unable to go back home to their tribe."

"I'm glad to hear it," Aloy said, relieved. "Kadaman's a good man, and I think he'll make a great leader. Much better than Jiran, at least."

"Kadi's very good," Itamen interjected sagely.

"Yes, he is." A small, private smile tugged at the other woman's lips. "With him on the throne and me as Sunhawk, I think there's a lot we can accomplish."

Aloy rested her chin on her hand thoughtfully. "Does he know what you do with the slaves?"

"I can hear you two talking about me over there, you know," Kadaman called out, amused. "To answer your question, Aloy, of course I do. How do you think we're able to smuggle so many people out in the first place, entirely without suspicion? Being a part of the Radiant House has a few small benefits - in this case, the use of secret passageways in and out of the city, the existence of which are only supposed to be known by the Sun-King and his family." A mischievous glint flickered in his eye. "Oops."

"Oops!" Itamen echoed, clapping his hands together gleefully.

"Now, don't go repeating any of what I just said to father or the courtiers, little brother," Kadaman chided.

Itamen gave a grave nod.

"By the Sun, you must learn to stop being so free with your words," Avad muttered sourly. "It will be the death of you one day."

In the presence of such fine company and despite the excitement of departing for the hunting trip the next morning, the afternoon wound down far too quickly for Aloy's tastes. Moments of total relaxation had been almost entirely non-existent since she had come to the Sundom, and she wasn't keen on leaving her new friends behind to go home to the ever-present tension between her and Nil. But when the fifth bell finally chimed its somber tune, Aloy carefully deposited Itamen - who had only wandered from her lap for a few brief moments over the span of the last hours - onto the floor and reluctantly rose to her feet.

"Well, I have to get going. I have to be up pretty early tomorrow morning, and I have a few things I still need to pack."

"Bye bye, Awoy," Itamen said mournfully, wrapping his arms tightly around her leg. Bending down, she gave him an affectionate squeeze around the shoulders in return.

"Be good for your brothers, little one."

Talanah hopped to her feet as well, surprising Aloy by leaning in for a quick hug. "I hope you have a fantastic time, and you'd better tell me all about your hunt when you get back."

"Yeah, yeah," Aloy laughed. "I'll be sure to keep you in mind when I go in for the kill. I'll definitely have some trophies to show off when I get back."

"Are you sure you can't stay awhile longer?" Kadaman asked with a frown. "It's a very sacred Carja tradition to share a couple of drinks with friends before a hunt, you know. It would be awfully offensive for you to leave without partaking."

Avad rolled his eyes, then shot an exasperated look at Aloy. "Don't listen to him. He's making that one up."

"Fine, I am," Kadaman huffed. "But I insist that you and Sahad join us for an evening of merriment sometime soon."

"I'll make sure to bring it up to him," Aloy laughed. "Promise."

After receiving shockingly affectionate embraces from both Avad and Kadaman, Aloy bid the group farewell and headed back towards home. Her steps were light and exuberant the entire way, inspired by the good feelings left behind by spending an afternoon among friends and her anticipation for tomorrow. Not even the usual haughty stares of the Carja city-dwellers could dampen her mood today.

When she burst through the front door, mouth hanging open and ready to speak with Nil about final preparations for their trip, Aloy was, strangely enough, disappointed to find the house as darkened and as empty as it had been when she had departed earlier that day.

"I hope he's not out so late that he oversleeps tomorrow morning," she muttered to herself.

Still, there was plenty she could do by herself, so Aloy decided to head upstairs and give her bow a final check and ensure - for the umpteenth time - that her supplies were arranged to her liking. 

She was sitting on her bed and sorting through a pile of metal shards to determine their suitability for arrowheads when her gaze wandered over to her desk - where yet another whittled figurine sat on top of a sheet of parchment paper. Frowning, she set aside the shards, slid off the bed, and paced over to it.

The note beneath the carving read:

_Aloy,_

_Anticipation can draw one as tight as a wire, but the clever fox knows how to be patient and when to strike. Excitement for the thrill of battle builds like a storm, and it's always followed by the sweet release one craves._

_Sleep well tonight, for you'll need the energy. I'll see you in the morning, before the Sun's rising._

_Nil_

"Well, this wasn't here this morning," Aloy murmured as she picked the figure up. "When did he find the time to drop this off?"

This time, the tiny wooden creature appeared to be a fox. Curved slashes for eyes and a pointed nose framed by curled whiskers stared adorably back up at her. Aloy didn't even bother to fight the smile that grew on her lips as she turned it over in her hands. 

After a heartbeat of consideration, she neatly folded up Nil's note and dropped it into the drawer affixed beneath the desk. And instead of hurling the figure into the fireplace as she had twice before, the Seeker deposited it back on to her desk, where, lit by the warm glow of the fire, it held vigil over her for the rest of the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friiiiends! Things are finally turning around!
> 
> The hunting trip is a BIG DEAL and as such will be a three chapter affair, which you'll get the first of next week. See yinz then!


	10. Chapter 9

After a night of restless half-sleep, Aloy woke just before dawn. With only the faintly glowing embers of the coals in her fireplace as light, she threw on her clothing - her usual going-out silks - as quickly as humanly possible. Her grin was so enormous that her cheeks hurt, and, for a moment, she felt as carefree as a child again.

Nil had come home late last night, so she hadn't had a chance to run a final supply check with him. Intent on fixing that, she burst out of her room and strode towards her husband's room, that smile still stuck on her face. Aloy threw his door open as she called out an exuberant greeting.

And stopped short when she took in the scene in front of her.

Lying spread out on his back, Nil was definitely awake, having propped himself up on a couple of colorful pillows. That wasn't what had made her freeze, however. It was the mortifying realization that her husband appeared to be entirely naked but for a red silk sheet wrapped around his lower half, the hem dangerously low on his hips.

Nil raised a single eyebrow, a sly grin slowly splitting his lips. "Well, good morning to you, too. I see you're already ready to go."

Aloy's mouth snapped shut. Heat bloomed in her face and neck until she was certain that she was in danger of spontaneously catching on fire. 

Holding her hands in front of her, she backed away slowly. "I - I - sorry - I, um...I'm going to go. Downstairs. I'm going to be downstairs."

Nil's grin only grew wider.

Once she hit the hallway, Aloy slammed the door shut and booked it down the stairs, sure she was moving even faster than she had that time a particularly aggressive Scrapper had been pursuing her through the Embrace. She didn't stop until she slammed into the wall opposite the stairs. Leaning against it for support, she pressed a hand to her heart, which seemed to be in imminent danger of pounding its way out of her chest. 

"Okay," she breathed, stepping over to the table where their packs sat once she had calmed enough. "Okay, focus on final checks. That's a good distraction."

But no matter how she busied herself, Aloy still couldn't quite get the image of Nil's bare torso out of her head. The swell of his chest, the carved muscle of his abdomen, the way it drew the eye down to his -

Clenching her jaw tight, she slammed a bundle of arrows down with so much force that they burst apart and spilled all over the floor with a loud clatter.

"Woah, there. Need some help with that?"

Bracing herself, Aloy turned to face her husband. He was fully clothed in casual silks of his own, and she released the breath she had been holding since she had nearly broken her neck fleeing down the stairs.

"Um, yeah. Sure. That would be nice."

Thankfully, Nil didn't say a word about what had transpired upstairs, instead helping her run through the checklist she had so painstakingly put together a week ago. The careful avoidance of their encounter helped immensely, and Aloy was gradually able to relax.

"And your new armor from Theradine? Did you pack that too?"

"I did," Aloy confirmed, patting at her bag. "It was one of the first things I took care of, actually."

Nil nodded in satisfaction. "Good, good. Once we're far enough away from the city, we'll both be able to change. I'm glad you had the foresight to dress in your normal clothing, because going out in full armor doesn't exactly scream 'delicate noblewoman touring the Maizelands'."

"I'm not an idiot, Nil," she muttered, picking up her bow.

"My apologies. I never meant to imply otherwise." His eyes narrowed as he looked her over. "Although…"

Striking as unexpectedly as lightning, Nil's arm shot out to snatch her bow straight out of her hands.

"Hey! Give that back!" Aloy cried, reaching back out for it just as fast.

To her frustration, Nil held the weapon high out of her reach with a decisive shake of his head. "No. A woman carrying a weapon would be incredibly suspicious to the guards posted at the gates, so I'll be holding on to this until we stop to change."

"But…"

He pinned her with a flat look. "Do you want this trip to end before it's begun?"

Realizing that he had a very good point, Aloy deflated. "No. You're right."

Placing her bow back on the table, Nil dug into his pack and pulled some small item out, holding it out to her.

"However...here. I've been meaning to give this to you. Strap this beneath your clothing, now and whenever you leave home in the future. It wouldn't do to leave you totally defenseless."

The object was a dagger, short and curved, with long straps capped by buckles affixed to the sheath. More gratitude flooded Aloy as she took it from him and examined it, surprised by the tiny blade's weight. 

Hesitantly, she raised her eyes up to his. "Thank you. I will."

Nil was nothing if not efficient, something which Aloy was relieved to find. The pair managed to finish up their packing and make it out of the house just as the sun's first rays were warming the metal and brick of Meridian and stirring its inhabitants. There was a lingering chill in the air while the pair headed towards the Great Elevators which would carry them down into the Maizelands. It only served to fuel Aloy's excitement, with how it recalled memories of frost-kissed mornings in the Embrace, when all the world seemed to be holding its breath.

With the lack of foot traffic, they made it to the Great Elevators in under fifteen minutes. The view was stunning, although Aloy couldn't help but feel unusually anxious as the machine lowered them gradually down to the foot of the mesa. If any part of the mechanism failed - no. She wouldn't think about that. Instead, her attention shifted to the solid presence of her husband, and she poured all of her focus into matching her breathing to his. It helped, if only slightly.

The walk through Meridian Village was even shorter, and soon enough, they arrived at an impressive gate - the exit out of the city. A couple of guards stationed there were leaning on their polearms, but both snapped to attention as soon as they caught sight of Nil. 

"Good morning, sir!" one of the guards greeted as the couple came to a halt at the archway. "What business do you have outside of the city?"

Nil's expression froze over, just as it had on their wedding day. Aloy's stomach sank.

"What authority do you have to question the comings and goings of a kestrel, soldier?" he responded, his voice deep and dangerous.

The guard drew back, fear sparking in his eyes. "Sir, with all due respect - surely you're aware that it's proper protocol to question all travelers coming in and out of the city - "

"I believe remaining at attention at all times is also proper protocol," Nil interjected cooly. "And I didn't see either of you following that particular order."

"Yes, sir. We'll be sure to remember that, sir." The guard's grip on the handle of his weapon tightened. "Still, orders are orders. I ask again, sir: what is your business outside of the city?"

"At ease, soldiers. If you must know, I'm taking my wife here out on a tour of the Maizelands," Nil sighed. "She's a simple creature, having come from a tribe which can't comprehend Carja ingenuity. I thought that such a trip might serve to educate her on higher subjects, so that speaking to her isn't such a bore. Surely you understand."

Aloy's fists tightened so much that they began to tremble.

Apparently having taken Nil's order to be at ease to heart, the other guard took that moment to chime in jovially, "Oh, I get it, sir. She's a pretty one, all right. What I wouldn't give to take her out for a roll in the maize sometime myself."

Nil paused, then slowly angled his head towards the soldier. The glare twisting his expression was as sharp as a spear of ice.

"Savage or not, that is my wife you're talking about, and she belongs to _me_. Taking what belongs to another man is the highest dishonor, soldier," Nil said, deathly calm, "not to mention a crime."

The man stood stock still, but his eyes bulged as Nil leaned in, as closely as a lover might.

"How lucky you are that my mood today is forgiving." A polite smile replaced the loathing on his face. "Just a word of friendly advice: I'd be more discriminating with your words in the future. Otherwise, well..."

The implied threat hung in the air, and the guard whipped his head up to croak, "Open - open the gates! Quickly! And hold at attention for a superior officer!"

With a grating creak, the gates rose haltingly upward, lifted by great chains as big around as one of Aloy's thighs. She had to force herself to focus on the intricacies of the mechanism, otherwise the appeal of smashing her fist into her husband's haughty face might just win out over her flagging self-control - especially when Nil barked out a familiar, "Come, wife."

Follow she did, a thunderous look on her face the entire time she stomped after him. Once they had crossed a bridge over a gently flowing river and were well out of earshot of the pair of soldiers, Aloy wheeled on her husband furiously.

"What is your _problem_?" she fumed. "What, can't resist the urge to talk down to your disgusting, savage wife? Does it make you feel powerful to lord over someone else who can't defend themselves in front of others?"

Nil was at least in possession of enough intelligence to look taken aback.

Darkly encouraged by his reaction, she bent towards him and jabbed a finger at his chest. "I'm not putting up with it anymore. The next time you talk to me that way, I won't hold back. You can deal with the embarrassment of having your little _pet_ beat your face in. Let's see how much _that_ improves your reputation."

"Aloy, I - I thought you knew," Nil said, regret, of all things, choking his tone. Weariness settled into the lines of his face, and his shoulders drooped. "This is my fault, I suppose. I should have been more clear about my intentions."

"What I want to know is why," she snapped. "Why you treat me one way at home and another when we're around others, why everytime I feel like things are getting more tolerable, something like this happens. I feel as though I'm living with two men, and I don't know which is my actual husband."

Nil's gaze dropped to his feet, and he sucked in a lungful of air before lifting it back up to her. "I know. I know, and I'm sorry. But you must know that everything I've done - the abhorrent way I've treated you - it's all been entirely for your protection."

Now Aloy was the confused one. "What do you mean?"

"If any of the nobility beyond those you've befriended, especially Jiran, knew how much I truly cared for you, they would have your head and mine." His granite eyes softened. "You should know that I hate every second of this farce, and I mean none of what I say to others about you. In truth, Aloy, you're one of the most intelligent and capable people I've ever met, and I've enjoyed your company far more than most others I've known. Know that out of all the women who could have been chosen to become my wife, I'm glad it was you."

Stunned, she stared at him blankly.

"Wait. You...care for me?"

A flash of panic flared in Nil's eyes, and abruptly, he turned away. 

"There's a copse of trees and boulders a ways ahead. We should head there now to get changed into our armor, for the dangers lurking outside of the city are numerous."

Before she had a chance to respond, Nil stalked away and up the road. She followed in a daze, feeling all the while as though she hadn't yet awakened for the day and was still dreaming. Everything about the past month and a half had been dragged sharply into focus: from how kind he had been initially at their wedding, to, in retrospect, how painfully obvious it was that he had been putting on a show for the other nobles. His hesitation, his pleas for her to listen to his explanation - if she was being honest with herself, Aloy actually felt quite stupid. It was an unpleasant feeling, and not one she was keen on experiencing again. 

She fell into step at his side, and that uncomfortable silence that had all but disappeared since he had told her about the hunting trip came back with a vengeance. By the time they reached the area he had indicated, Aloy was relieved to take her pack and scamper off behind a large rock.

At the very least, she could shift her attention to just how _good_ it felt to be out of the city and back in the wilds again. She took a moment to close her eyes and tilt her head up, to listen as the sounds of birds and other wildlife filled her ears, to allow the clean air to caress her, to breathe in the scent of foliage and earth. In the distance, she was certain she could even hear the rhythmic, mechanical thumping of a herd of machines passing through the area, and the thought of how much she had even missed those made her smile. Regardless of what transpired between her and her husband over the next couple of days, she had this, and it was the closest feeling to home she had experienced since leaving the Sacred Lands.

Eventually, she opened her eyes again and bent over to dig through her pack, a different kind of excitement filling her. The armor Nil had ordered for her was, as with her bow, far finer than anything she had previously possessed. The top part consisted of a light blue breastband and a vest made of indigo silk trimmed in gold, complete with leather arm guards and metal armor for her shoulders and forearms. It showed off her stomach in the strangest way, but Nil had assured her that between the heat of the Jewel and the vigor of battle, she would soon be thankful for it. The bottom half was made up of a belt with many pouches, leather leggings, some of the oddest footwear Aloy had ever seen, and yet more armor for her shins. Topping it all off was an impressively crafted metal headdress which gave the impression of a bird spreading its wings in flight - and secretly, despite its function being purely decorative, it was her favorite part.

Stripping down to only her bottom underwear was easy enough, but Aloy ran into trouble the moment she attempted to pull on her leggings. They were tight, purposefully tailored to be as form-fitting as possible, but that also meant that they took quite a bit of effort to tug up around her legs. So much, in fact, that one particularly rough tug born out of frustration had her losing her balance and falling back onto her behind with a surprised cry.

"Aloy? Aloy!"

Clad in only a loose pair of purple pants, Nil came running out from behind a grouping of trees, panic spread over his face. His eyes dropped down to her a second later, and Aloy's arm flew up to cover her naked breasts just a little too late. That damned blush of hers spilled over her cheeks, stronger than ever.

An impressively vibrant flush to match her own crept up Nil's neck, and he whipped his head to the side so rapidly that she was surprised he didn't injure himself.

"Sun and Shadow, I'm sorry. You had been taking awhile, and I heard your cry - "

"No, it's okay." In an attempt at levity - anything to dispel the cloying awkwardness between them - she added, "I guess we're even after how I walked in on you this morning, huh?"

Nil's shoulders relaxed, and Aloy was sure she saw a smile on his face as he walked away to finish changing.

When he emerged sometime later, he was wearing a much different set of clothing that she would have expected - except for his favored purple pants, of course. Sitting atop his head was a headdress of familiar red feathers, but in a much different style than the one he wore with his kestrel armor, lacking the mask and therefore the intimidating quality. A red scarf was looped around his neck, and beneath that he sported a similarly hued vest corded with gold. Gleaming white armor covered not only his shoulders and the leather bracers on his forearms, but also twin tassets resting on either side of his hips and, inexplicably, functioned as an enormous and entirely too sharp belt buckle. Aloy studied the entire odd ensemble with a confused frown.

Holding his arms out, Nil spun around once with a cheeky grin. "This is traditional Carja hunting armor. What do you think?"

"Well, you're certainly more...colorful than usual." She folded her arms over her chest. "An entirely bare torso again, though? Really? What do the Carja have against wearing shirts into battle?"

That grin became coy. "I've never thought too hard on that, but perhaps it's intended to function as a distraction for the enemy."

"I highly doubt a machine will be distracted by a naked chest, no matter how impressive," Aloy intoned.

"Impressive, huh?" he said, then gestured to her. "Well, look at you. You're one to talk, what with a bared midriff."

She wrapped her arms around her waist self consciously. "At least this could be useful for flexibility! And at least mine didn't come with that ridiculous buckle which looks as though it could disembowel you if you move too abruptly during a fight!"

Nil shook his head skeptically. "Regardless of your opinions on function, we'll both have some level of protection while hunting - and look good doing it, to boot. Speaking of which, Theradine told me to inform you that your entire outfit has been coated with an experimental substance intended to resist fire. Not sure how much I buy into that, so try not to get cocky and run into any open flames."

"I'll be sure not to," Aloy muttered.

With that, Nil finally handed her her bow back, and she slung it over her back while shooting him a look of gratitude.

The initial walk into the Jewel was uneventful to the point of dullness. Still, there was no telling when she'd have another opportunity to leave the city - although with Talanah's offer of a hunting trip, she hoped it would be soon - so, continuing as she had earlier, she resumed absorbing every last bit of lush scenery she could. Aloy was so caught up in this simple joy, in fact, that she didn't have the time to react when something lunged out of the brush and straight at her.

Her shout of surprise was immediately cut off by the cool steel of a blade digging into the tender skin of her throat - and that was the exact moment she realized that her assailant was very much human.

"Try n' hold still, yeah?" a breathless male voice growled in her ear. "Don't wanna have ta hurt ya. Well, any more than necessary." His attention turned towards Nil. "You. Hand over yer shards and I'll free the lady."

Through the blood pounding in her ears at the shock of being so caught off guard, Aloy could just make out the sneer which slowly twisted her husband's face. Something about it chilled her down to the bone.

"I think not," he replied, eerily calm. "I think what's actually going to happen here is that you're going to release my wife, and then maybe I'll let you beg for your pathetic life. Just a warning - I'm not the merciful type, and my patience has already been tested once today."

The man guffawed, then jerked his head towards the tree line, where several people in ragged clothes and a hodgepodge of armor were emerging. "See my buddies over there? Yer gonna have ta get through all of us if yer spoilin' for a fight."

Nil threw back his head and let loose a deep laugh that contained far too much glee for the situation at hand. "Oh, what a tease you are! It must be my lucky day. Bandits have always been my favorite prey."

In his confusion, the man relaxed his hold on Aloy the slightest bit, and that's when she took her chance. Her hand snapped up, fingers wrapping around the bandit's wrist. In an expert motion she had used not too long ago, she simultaneously squeezed and twisted the joint as hard as she could. The move worked - with a pained scream, the man dropped his knife, effectively freeing her from his grasp.

In the time it took to bolt back to Nil's side, Aloy managed to unhook her bow and draw an arrow from the quiver at her hip. It was a good thing, too - because in the space of the next heartbeat, the first volley of arrows came screaming towards them from the group of bandits in the trees. Thankfully, both of them were able to handily dodge every last projectile.

"Six of them, including the trash on the ground," Nil informed her, already aiming his own arrow in the direction of their foes. "Call it an early test of your skills. Let's see what you're made of, girl."

Aloy, having fought a plethora of machines, was no stranger to life and death events. What was new, however, was an enemy of the human variety in the same sort of situation. So when the normal rush of battle-induced adrenaline pulsed through her veins, it was mixed with a very alien terror that had her breath coming harsh and fast and sweat coating her hands and brow.

Regardless, when she loosed her first arrow, it hit its target as intended, spearing an unfortunate bandit woman straight through the eye. As she dropped to the ground with a gargled cry, nausea churned in Aloy's guts, and she had to swallow to keep the contents of her stomach contained. Beside her, Nil let loose a thrilled yell.

"That's my girl! Keep it up!"

As she drew another arrow, the man who had assaulted her in the first place stumbled to his feet, clutching at his wrist. Nil gave him little room to recover - throwing his bow aside for the moment, he instead pulled out the curved sword clipped to his belt. Darting forward, he savagely impaled the bandit straight through his belly and twisted the blade. Aloy wasn't entirely sure, but she could have sworn she heard a blissful moan escape her husband as he yanked the sword out and was coated in a thick spray of the man's blood. 

Sickened further, she redirected her attention to her own targets. The count repeated over and over again like a mantra in her head: two down, four to go. Another gigantic man brandishing a battle axe had broken free from the others and was coming up on her left too quickly for her liking, so she leveled her next arrow at him. It went just a hair wide, and furious disappointment stabbed at her as she fumbled for another arrow. Just as the bandit was about to swing at her, she managed to bury her projectile into his unprotected neck. His steps faltered, and Aloy had to roll out of the way to keep from being crushed beneath his large mass. 

Meanwhile, Nil had retrieved his bow and dispatched another two with stunning precision, leaving only one very uncertain bandit standing.

"Come now," Nil crooned, drawing back his bowstring with a disturbing relish. "Come and meet your death. I promise to make it swift, even if it's far more than scum like you deserves."

The bandit glanced between the two frantically, seeming to rethink his chances. The instant he turned to flee, however, Nil lazily dropped his hold on his bowstring, burying an arrow straight into the man's back. He fell to the ground with a muted thump, and then there was silence.

Aloy promptly fell to her hands and knees and vomited her breakfast up into the dirt.

Her body heaved and jerked painfully, both from that and the sobs which wracked her. The terror of the last few minutes, the shocked death faces of the bandits, the copious amounts of blood - these all played on an endless loop through her thoughts. All she could do was wrap her arms around herself and squeeze tight. It felt as though it was the only thing holding her together.

She felt her husband's presence by her side seconds later.

"This is all normal the first time, you know." There was a clipped excitement in his voice, and everything in her was repulsed by it. "Happened to me, happens to everyone. Don't worry, you'll get over it soon enough. Your ears will ring later in the - "

Finally finding her voice, Aloy screamed, "What the hell is _wrong_ with you?" 

There was another moment of quiet, and then Nil kneeled beside her. "I'm simply enjoying what I'm good at, Aloy. That's all."

"The rumors. What happened at Cinnabar Sands. It's all true, isn't it?" She shuddered.

"Yes. I never once denied any of it."

Finally, after steadying herself as much as she could, she managed to lift her eyes to meet his. By some small miracle, most of the bloodlust seemed to have faded from them.

"What happened to you?" she whispered. It was a question Aloy knew she probably shouldn't have asked, but one she had anyway.

"That's a very long story, but I suppose I can summarize." Nil appeared thoughtful. "To start, I was like you once, although I was no more than a boy when I went through what you just did. Every first son of both high and low blood, to be enlisted in the military at the age of ten, by order of Sun-King Hivas - Jiran's father, and I was born near the end of his reign. I learned how to kill early, and I learned how to do it well. In time, I grew to enjoy, even prefer it, because I watched what happened to those who weren't able to adjust to the violence of battle. They tore themselves apart in agony, some even taking their own lives over the atrocities they were ordered to inflict on others." His expression hardened. "I didn't want to meet such an end. I wanted to survive, and so I did what I had to. This is only what such a life has made of me."

"You _prefer_ killing humans?" Aloy's grip on herself tightened. "Why not hunt machines, especially when you're not at war?"

"Machines lack both the challenge and the excitement of human quarry." Nil shook his head. "Besides, they don't get that look in their eye…"

"You're a monster," Aloy choked out. "Someone should put you down."

It didn't escape her that his end would most likely come from her hand. Ice encased her insides, and her fingers dug into the leather on her arms.

"I don't lie about myself or what I am," Nil said matter-of-factly. "I've only ever presented you with the truth of my nature and nothing more. What you see before you? It's all that I am, and that level of honesty is more than one can say for most people."

Instead of responding, Aloy buried her face in her hands.

"Men like me have been wounded beyond healing, Aloy," he said quietly. "It's not something that can be fixed with a salve or tea. Between the nightmares which rip me from sleep into a cold sweat, the constantly unsettled nerves, and - I mentioned it just now - but my ears...afterwards, they ring without end, like the fighting hasn't yet ceased, and then it's like nothing is real. It's as though I'm being tormented, as though most of me has slipped into darkness and only a shade remains. I try to ground myself, to remind myself that I'm still here, but oftentimes, I can't without - "

He cut off abruptly. When she was finally able to look at him again, Nil was wearing a troubled expression.

The gears in Aloy's mind began to turn, and she said, "You said that bandits were your favorite prey. What if...what if you only went after people like that? People who hurt and kill others."

"I'm a soldier, Aloy," he reminded her. "And we are at war. I'm afraid that's not possible. I've slain many a good man on the battlefield."

"At least they chose to fight, unlike the other victims of the raids!" she snapped, loudly enough to carry throughout the trees and startle a few nearby birds into flight. Nil's expression remained unchanged. 

Aloy sagged. "Look, I don't think anyone is ever beyond change, even if they've been hurt. You could at least try."

"I did, once," he replied, his gaze somewhere far away. "And it's only brought those around me trouble."

"And you can try again," she said intently, leaning a little closer to him. "I know you have it in you. The way you treat me, the others...there's a good man in there somewhere. You're not totally gone, Sahad."

Shock burst on his face at her use of his real name, but it soon gave way to consideration. 

"Perhaps. But we've idled here long enough."

He rose to his feat as gracefully as always and took a deep breath. When he turned to offer her his hand, all of the kindness she had come to know from him was glowing on his face, and it only bolstered her belief in her previous words. She accepted his hand and rose to her feet.

Glancing down at himself, Nil grimaced. "Well, we've made quite the mess. I may enjoy the killing part, but I don't actually enjoy walking around covered in blood once the fighting has ended. What do you say we find a nice stream and clean up a bit before heading out? There should be one nearby, if I'm remembering correctly." He squeezed her hand, and she settled her gaze back on him. "This hunt is a big deal to you, so we ought to look our best."

He was offering her a genuine smile, and Aloy realized that he seemed to be trying to cheer her up, so she forced out a nod. And despite the circumstances, when Nil finally dropped her hand to move on ahead, she felt oddly empty and cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This trip is the closest we get to Aloy and Nil as they are in the events of the game - they're out in the wilds with none of the false pretense that Meridian forces upon them. Buuuuut that also means bringing to light certain key issues of Nil's which Aloy hasn't really seen until now. 
> 
> I also wanted to deal with the reality of Aloy having to kill another human being for the first time, because I think it would be a huge shock. The Proving was enormously traumatic, but so much happens in the aftermath that she doesn't really have time to process it. Here, she has that moment of quiet and everything that entails.
> 
> Anyway, I'll see yinz next week for part two of the trip!


	11. Chapter 10

True to Nil's word, there was a small creek cutting through the jungle floor only a few hundred feet from where they had been ambushed. The gentle bubbling of the water had a welcome grounding effect on Aloy, and it seemed to do something similar for her husband. He stared down at it for awhile with an inscrutable expression, some of the tension which had built up in him easing. His captivation lasted so long, in fact, that she had to speak up to get his attention.

"Nil?"

"Forgive me for my indulgences." He tilted his head towards her. "I'm not sure why, but I've always been drawn to all forms of water. Rivers, rain, lakes...they're somehow calming."

Aloy knelt down by the water's edge, eager to wash the blood and sweat off of herself. "Huh. I guess I never really stopped to consider it beyond bathing and drinking."

"It's constant, yet always flowing and changing," Nil remarked as he crouched down beside her. He dipped his bare fingers into the stream, then pulled his hand out and examined the remnant water droplets as they quivered then broke free and rolled down the digits. "Like life itself, I suppose."

Aloy lifted an eyebrow. "That's awfully poetic of you. Actually, I've noticed that with a lot of Carja. Is poetry another large part of your culture?"

"For nobles, at least, the arts are a crucial part of our upbringing," he explained. "Despite Hivas' attempts to gut them entirely in favor of martial pursuits, tradition ultimately won out. Even young noble boys enlisted in the military were expected to receive an education befitting of their station. So between lessons in the barracks on effective disembowelment techniques, we sat with the Sun-Priests at the Temple of the Sun to learn the higher arts of poetry and song."

She gaped at him. "Are you telling me that you can _sing_?"

"Yes, yes," Nil said dismissively. "That's not unique to the nobility, either. It's a useful diversion when on a long march, so most soldiers are capable of belting out a tune."

"Oh?"

At Aloy's interested look, he shook his head and chuckled. "Perhaps you'll hear my voice later, if our trek is particularly long. Not now, though. Right now, both of us should focus on cleaning up."

Suddenly shy, she ducked her head. "Yeah. You're right."

At least washing up was a decent diversion from the odd feelings creeping through her. Using cupped handfuls of water, Aloy began cleansing her uncovered skin. Unfortunately, some of the blood spatter had managed to get onto her bared stomach and had already begun to crust, so she bit her tongue against the icy chill of the water and the scrape of her nails. It was unpleasant, but the only other option was to walk around covered in dried blood - not exactly her idea of suitable hunting wear. Something her and her husband had in common, she supposed.

"You know, I've often thought about what I'd do if I hadn't been pushed into the military," Nil commented after awhile, once Aloy had stripped her armor and the leather parts of her outfit to clean. 

"Besides lazing around being a spoiled noble?" Aloy asked before she could stop herself.

Full of good humor as usual, Nil let loose a hearty laugh. "Hah! No, my father would have never allowed it. My upbringing before I was handed off to the barracks was incredibly structured, believe it or not."

"You've spoken of your mother, but I've never heard you talk about your father," Aloy said softly. 

Instead of pushing back or shutting down as she would have expected, Nil heaved a resigned sigh. "Because that story isn't a happy one, and I don't often like to dwell on it. My memories of my mother, on the other hand, are all very dear to me."

Feeling as though she needed something to do with her hands, Aloy returned her attention to cleaning her armor. "People have brought her up often when I've spoken about you. It sounded like she was a wonderful person."

"One of the best I've ever known, even though I was young when she passed into darkness." A pause. "You're very much like her, actually."

Aloy scrubbed at her armor a little more forcefully, unsure of what to say to that. Instead, she asked, "So what would you have liked to do, beyond running an estate?"

"I won't have to worry about that until my father dies," Nil said. "In the meantime, I very much would have liked to dabble in the arts. Beyond poetry, I've always enjoyed using my hands. Carving especially is an interest of mine."

Realization hit Aloy upside the head. "The figures...the ones you've been leaving on my desk...you _made_ those?"

"Well, where exactly did you think they came from?" he questioned, amused. 

"I don't know. I guess I just assumed that they were trinkets you picked up in the markets." Swallowing, she stared down at her lap. "You made those. For me. No one's ever made anything for me, beyond what my guardian crafted out of necessity. And I…"

"Oh, I'm aware that you disposed of them." When her gaze shot up to him, Nil was oddly nonplussed. "It's all right, Aloy. Circumstances being what they were, I understand why. I don't regret making them, for the sole fact that carving keeps my mind from wandering into unsavory places when I'm alone. Besides…" His grey eyes warmed. "I saw that you kept the fox when I stepped into your room this morning to make sure you hadn't forgotten anything. That one came out rather well, don't you think?"

"It's nice. Silly, but cute," she admitted, turning over a cleaned plate of armor in her hands contemplatively. "I haven't had the kind of life that allows for owning things that don't serve an actual purpose, so it's not really something I'm used to, but...thank you, Nil."

"You're more than welcome," he responded cheerfully. "To me, bringing even the smallest happiness to someone I care for is a purpose in and of itself. And just so you're aware, I have plenty more planned, so keep an eye out. You'll have a lovely little menagerie of wooden creatures soon enough."

More at ease now, Aloy snorted. "Okay, that seems a little excessive. I'm not a child in need of toys to amuse myself with."

"No, but they're something to brighten up your room in a miserable situation," Nil countered, his tone not leaving any room for argument. "Now, enough talking. Let's finish up here and be on our way."

 _Not nearly as miserable of a situation as it used to be_ , Aloy thought, keeping her eyes trained on him for a couple more seconds before returning to her task.

It didn't take long for both of them to finish up, Aloy first on account of not getting as up close and personal with their foes as Nil had during the fight. As she snapped both armor and accessory back on, however, the sound of her husband politely clearing his throat stopped her in her tracks.

"Yes?"

"You missed a spot. On your lower back, there's some blood," he explained.

Craning her head around as far as it went while turning, Aloy eventually gave up with a frustrated huff. "Well, it's obviously in a place I can't see."

Nil angled his head up towards the canopy. "It rains often enough in the Jewel. You could simply wait for that." At her wrinkled nose, he continued, "Or…"

"Or?" 

"I have a spare cleaning cloth in my pack and could take care of it for you," he offered.

"Oh." Aloy shrugged and turned around so that her back was to him. "That's fine with me."

There was a rustling as he dug into his bag, and once he had found the desired item, Nil bent over to dip it into the stream and then squeeze it out. The instant the water-laden cloth touched her back, she startled from the sudden cold. A heartbeat later, one of his hands settled on the tuck of her waist - a reflexive attempt to steady her, Aloy supposed, and it did its job well enough. But all she could fixate on was the heat from his palm seeping into her from such an intimate spot, the slight pressure from his fingertips digging into her skin. Goosebumps peppered her skin, and she had the fleeting thought that it wasn't just because of the chill of the water.

"All done," Nil murmured in her ear a short time later, and that's when Aloy realized just how close they were. 

Abruptly, she took a step away from him, remembering just in time to mutter out a few words of gratitude.

Shrugging their packs on again, the pair pressed on into the Jewel. As the time crept closer to midday, the temperature rose and the air swelled with moisture. Although Meridian had a tendency to reach blistering temperatures during the daytime hours, the city generally lacked this level of choking mugginess, instead mostly remaining dry. Aloy would never say it out loud, but the further they went into the jungle, the more grateful she became that Nil had decided on this style of hunting gear for her. 

"I thought it would be wise to warn you of a specific danger in these parts before we go too far off the road," Nil said after awhile. "Stalkers are incredibly common in this area of the Jewel, almost to the point of infestation. We must be careful."

Aloy's brow creased at the unfamiliar machine name. "Stalkers?"

"They're a fairly recently discovered machine which moves on four legs and possesses a long, whip-like tail," he said. "Highly aggressive and territorial. Their primary method of attack is to shoot dart-like projectiles, but their most dangerous attribute is that they somehow have the power to become almost completely invisible."

"If that's the case, how will we know when we enter their territory, then?" she asked, her interest stirred.

"Stalkers have a nasty habit of leaving mines around their nests in order to alert them of any trespassers," replied Nil. "You'll want to look out for those as well. And believe me, you'll know when you find one - they make an awful, high-pitched noise and send a signal flare into the air. It's best not to set them off."

Rather than fear, it was heady anticipation which had Aloy's heart quickening. A _real challenge_ , the first she had faced in months. In truth, fighting the smaller, more docile machines of the Embrace had become more routine than exciting in the past year or so, and those she had seen on the journey to Meridian had only whetted her thirst for something new.

Nil, as usual, noticed her shift in demeanor and gave her an appraising glance. "I know that look. Patience, huntress. We'll find quarry to sink your teeth into soon enough."

Aloy narrowed her eyes at him. "Huntress?"

"Isn't that what you are?" he asked. "I felt like it was an apt nickname for you."

"I guess I don't hate it," she muttered.

"In any case, I understand the restlessness that goes along with being barred from hunting your preferred prey in a long while, and machines are clearly yours." His tone became wistful. "The wait before blood is shed, like the scrape of a blade across your teeth - "

"Nil, I could really do without the bloody metaphors right now," Aloy interrupted loudly.

He shot her a hurt look. "It was an attempt at mutual understanding, nothing more."

"Why are you so _weird_ \- "

All of a sudden, a loud, metallic sound - like a hawk's cry, but more twisted and amplified - cut Aloy off. Grabbing her arm, Nil dove to the ground with her in tow. They dropped into the broad, leafy bushes covering the jungle floor together, his hand flying to her upper back to keep her pressed into the earth. Before she could ask him what the hell was going on, he pressed a single finger to his lips, then jabbed it upwards. 

A great shadow fell over them. Through the thick canopy above, Aloy could just barely make out moving metal glittering through the gaps in the leaves. It definitely was a machine, and whatever kind it was, it was _enormous_. She watched as it appeared to circle overhead once, beating its powerful wings, before flying off in a southward direction.

"What was that?" she asked breathlessly, nearly a full minute after the machine had left, after she had time to get a grip on herself.

"It's called a Stormbird," Nil explained in a hushed voice, as though the machine could still sense them. "It rivals the Thunderjaw as one of the most dangerous - not to mention aggressive - machines there is. This one circles endlessly over the Jewel, where it can see almost anything that's not under the cover of the trees. If you're unfortunate enough to be spotted by one, well...you should be prepare to be dive-bombed and lobbed with balls of electricity." His expression grew grim. "Once, I witnessed an entire company of men devastated by one. Not many walked away that day, and those that did were horribly injured. Only the most experienced of machine hunters are any match for a Stormbird."

"That's it," she whispered. "That's the quarry I want to hunt."

Nil's gaze was unreadable, and as it swept over her face, Aloy began to fear that he would refuse to accompany her to hunt the machine (either way, she _was_ hunting it). But then, just as she was starting to accept the reality that this would be a solo affair, a wide grin broke out over his face.

"Very well, huntress. We'll hunt your Stormbird. But first…"

She leaned in eagerly. "What?"

"Why don't we get up to talk about this?" Nil suggested. "Not that I don't enjoy having you so close, but lying down and speaking like this is starting to get rather uncomfortable."

Aloy wasn't sure she had ever scrambled to her feet faster.

As with everything, Nil took his time, rising to his feet and then stretching languorously. She crossed her arms over her chest and over her racing heart, mildly irritated.

"Right," he said, turning back to her. "First, you're going to need to convince me of your machine hunting skills on a lesser target." Aloy opened her mouth to protest, but he held up a hand. "After your impressive display this morning with the bandits, I don't doubt your prowess in battle, huntress. Quite the opposite, in fact. But it will be a massive feat to take a Stormbird down, and as I always say, never enjoy the killing more than the challenge. Otherwise, we could both very well end up dead."

"I hate to admit it, but you do have a point," she grumbled. "It's been awhile since I've hunted a machine, but still, I have - "

Her fingers twitched, and Aloy was about to raise them to press against her Focus before she remembered who she was with.

Nil cocked his head. "You have…?"

"Good...good instincts," she finished lamely.

"And I believe that," he said with a nod. "But instincts, no matter how refined, aren't enough in this case."

Aloy gave an exasperated sigh. "So, what do you suggest we fight first, then?"

"Why don't we see what we can find?" Nil hummed. "Plenty of dangerous machines out here, and with enough time, one or more will find us."

Thus, the decision was made to head further away from the road and deeper into the jungle. After a certain point, Nil had to pull out his sword to cut through the tangle of vines and other such flora blocking their path - one of the reasons why the blade was curved, he explained to Aloy, other than the fact that it was ideal for slicing into flesh, both human and animal.

Luckily, the pair came upon what appeared to be a Stalker nest very quickly. Nil had been about to step forward when Aloy's Focus gave a chirp of warning in her ear, and her hand shot out to catch the back of his vest.

"Nil, wait. There's a mine nearby."

He halted at once. Surreptitiously, she scanned the ground, then pointed at a softly glowing disc, just barely visible only a few feet to his left.

"There."

"Good eye, huntress," he said slowly. "Very good, in fact. We'll have to be quiet and much more careful going forward. Tap my shoulder if you see anything."

Their pace slowed to a crawl, their steps exacting. As they crept further into the nest, the mines increased in their frequency, and Aloy kept her Focus on and scanning constantly to make sure that neither of them came close enough to setting one off. There were a few close calls - some by her own design to keep him from getting too suspicious - but they managed to maneuver without incident. 

By the time they came upon a small clearing, however, he turned to her with pursed lips, and an uneasy knot formed in her stomach at the wariness written into the lines of his face. It had her brain scrambling to cook up a reasonable explanation, because she didn't trust Nil with this and wasn't sure if she ever would. If he had knowledge of her Focus, there was a small chance that he would attempt to seize the beloved item from her. The thought alone was enough to make her hands clammy and her breath quicken, and she resolved fiercely to herself to never allow anything to happen to it. If she had it her way, he'd never be any the wiser about her most precious possession.

"Aloy," Nil started, "I know you're more than capable in the field, but this defies reason. How are you able to - "

A subtle ripple of movement behind him caught her eye. He must have seen her change in expression, because in the next moment he simultaneously whirled around and crouched low to the ground. Silently, Aloy followed suit. 

"There it is," he said, just barely audible enough to be heard. "Do you see that slight shimmer in the air? Take a few moments and observe the way it moves. Be patient, and don't lose it. It should move into visibility, and once it does, we should strike."

Her breath picking up with excitement, Aloy nodded her understanding and tapped at her Focus. Despite its near total invisibility, the machine lit up in her vision as it prowled around in front of them. Just as Nil had described, the Stalker was long and crept low to the ground, taking advantage of its stealth abilities and agile movement to keep itself undetected for as long as possible.

"No wonder these are such a problem in the Jewel," she murmured.

"Indeed." Nil pulled his bow off his back and nocked an arrow quietly and precisely. Aloy followed suit. "Stalkers are a very common request from Jewel estate owners for the Hawks at the Lodge to take care of. Whether they actually deem to do so or not is another story."

"Another reason Talanah probably takes issue with them," Aloy remarked. 

He nudged her gently with his shoulder. "That may be the case, but we're here for a reason. Eyes on the prize, huntress."

"I can both talk and pay attention, you know," she groused, but Aloy turned her attention back to the Stalker and its Focus readout anyway, deliberating on how best to negotiate her words to balance what the device was telling her without arousing Nil's suspicion any further. "With that stealth...there has to be some sort of generator doing that. They wouldn't happen to be vulnerable to electricity, would they?"

Thankfully, he seemed more impressed than anything else. "They are, actually. That bow I got you is more than capable of handling shock arrows, too."

"I know," she intoned, indicating the quiver on her hip. "It's why I picked up the proper supplies and made some before we left."

Nil leveled her with a pleased grin. "Clever girl. I should have known not to underestimate you."

The Stalker took that moment to move just a little closer. Aloy held her breath as she drew back an arrow. A quiet creaking noise beside her told her that her husband had done the same.

The machine popped into view, and without a word, Aloy and Nil fired their first arrows.

Both slammed into the Stalker with perfect aim. It gave a mechanical roar as it dodged to the side, then disappeared once again, leaving a crackle of static electricity behind from their shock arrows. The pair were on their feet in a flash - there was no use bothering with stealth any longer when their position was already compromised.

"Focus on the stealth generator on its side so we can even the playing field a bit!" Aloy called out.

Nil jerked his head around to her in astonishment. "How do you _know_ that - "

The bark on a tree only feet away from him wavered, and she drew another arrow. "On your left!"

Nil just barely had enough time to dart out of the way before the Stalker rematerialized for a few seconds and took a swipe at him with its deadly metal claws. To her relief, her husband was faster, and it swung harmlessly at the air instead. Before the machine could activate its stealth again, Aloy managed to ping it with another shock arrow, exhilarated satisfaction bursting in her as it began to seize up and jerk.

"The generator! Now!"

The uncanny dexterity she had developed over her years of training hadn't wavered even slightly during her time in Meridian, something which Aloy was pleased to note as her fingers rifled through the selection of arrows in her quiver and seized on one of the harder pointed ones. And it was also oddly pleasing to have a partner in battle who could keep up with her move for move - despite the close call, Nil was already drawing another arrow. He let his fly only seconds before hers, and both burrowed into the generator. Sparks flew from the part, but it wasn't quite enough to disable it. Having shaken most of the electricity from itself, the Stalker vanished again into nothingness.

"Shit," Aloy muttered. "So much for getting lucky."

Nil, apparently, had heard her. "It'll take far more to down a Stalker than just a couple of well-aimed arrows, wife of mine!"

"Don't - " Aloy had to save her breath to dodge out of the way as the invisible machine unexpectedly wheeled around and lunged at her " - don't call me that!"

"Why not?" he hollered back, and she could just make out his smirk and he fired off another projectile into the Stalker's side. "You are my wife, aren't you?"

Another shock arrow, and the machine gave a crackling groan. 

Good, Aloy thought. Getting closer.

"Yeah, but it's not something I like to be constantly reminded of!"

"Ah, Aloy," Nil sighed. "That's why I like you so much. Perhaps fighting machines won't be such a bore with you by my side."

Before she had time to unpack any of _that_ , the Stalker rematerialized a few yards in front of her as thunder growled somewhere nearby - one of the rainstorms Nil had described as being common to the Jewel, she figured. The machine's mechanical parts had begun to fail under the pair's arrows, slowing its movements severely and giving it all the appearance of having taken on a limp. 

Aloy knew a perfect opportunity when she saw one. Pulling back one more hardpoint arrow, she slowed her breathing, took aim at her target, and released.

The force from the projectile slamming into it had the stealth generator finally detaching, and, unable to hold back, she let out a shout of joy, backed by yet more thunder.

"Got it! Just a few more!"

Rallied by the knowledge that the end was near, Aloy and Nil were merciless in their barrage. Unable to slip into invisibility anymore, the machine seemed to grow desperate - several times, it attempted to twist around and hit them with its ridiculously long tail, but both of them were far from spent and able to dodge out of the way every time. It left wide openings that the pair took advantage of, but it was her precise arrow through its 'head' that finally took the Stalker down with a grating screech and an impressive spray of sparks.

"We did it!" Aloy cried, savoring the long-missed thrill of a triumphant battle as it spread through her like a drug. "Nil, we - "

Her words died on her lips as she turned to face him. Her husband was standing as though frozen with Chillwater, every line on his face tightened.

"Nil?"

Confused, her eyes followed to where he was staring. Her stomach fell to her feet.

Several pinpricks of red lights among the brush glared back at her. Standing only maybe ten yards away were not one, not two, but three Stalkers, lit eerily by the fading light. Aloy took an instinctive step back.

One had been manageable to take down. Fun, even. Two would be a challenge. But _three_?

"Well, I guess all of those mines had to come from more than one," she said weakly.

"Easy, Aloy," Nil said calmly. "Keep your head clear and your wits about you, and we might have a chance of walking away from this."

Her clammy palms tightened their grip on her bow. "Right. Yeah."

"When they go invisible, keep on your feet," he said, slowly reaching back into his quiver. "Don't stop moving for any reason, or it's over for both of us. Do you hear me?"

Lightning flashed in the distance, highlighting the grim expression on Nil's face further. Numbly, Aloy nodded.

"Good. I don't plan on me or you dying today," he growled, nocking an arrow. "So let's do this."

Their stare-down with the Stalkers ended the moment she pulled back an arrow. The two on either side split off from the one in the middle, and then all three disappeared at the same time. Aloy fired her arrow off at the machine in the middle before bolting off into the brush as fast as her feet would carry her. She just barely registered Nil booking it in the opposite direction, and unease gripped at her gut. Hopefully, they'd both be okay on their own.

As she crashed through the jungle floor, Aloy spared a frantic glance backwards and touched her Focus - the dimming light had made it yards more difficult to discern the telltale shimmer of the machine's camouflage, but the web of the device outlined everything of interest in the surrounding area. Luckily, only one of the Stalkers had followed after her. Deciding she liked those odds well enough, she pulled out a couple of shock arrows and nocked them - a technique she had only used a few times in her life - while simultaneously whirling herself around.

Breathe. Aim. Release.

Even with the high stress of the situation, her skills had not abandoned her. Another arrow buried in the metal hide of the Stalker was enough to disable it temporarily, and Aloy was certain she had never fired off hardpoint arrows as quickly as she did then. A particularly well-aimed one had the machine staggering and then crashing to the ground, and she was about to pull out another to finish it off when a familiar scream echoed not too far from where she was. Her head whipped in that direction.

"Oh, no," she whispered, her heart lodged in her throat. "Nil."

The stunned Stalker forgotten, Aloy jumped into a sprint, moving even faster than she had running away from the machine initially. Wildly, she scanned the trees and the brush, her heart pounding in her ears as yet more thunder groaned above her. The wind had picked up, rustling the leaves and branches of the trees, and the jungle was so alive with sound that she could hardly hear herself think.

Thankfully, she didn't have to for much longer. A flash of red caught her eye and, thanking the universe and whatever non-existent gods might be listening that her husband favored obnoxiously bright colors, she ran to his side - and was unable to stifle her horrified gasp at what she found.

Nil was lying on his side and struggling to draw breath, and his belly was coated in a sticky mess of blood. His bow was nowhere to be found. When he caught sight of her, he lifted one shaky, blood-coated finger.

"Be...behind you."

Hot fury fueled her movements as she turned in the indicated direction. The two other Stalkers, although clearly in bad shape, were too close for comfort and still creeping towards her. Defensively, she stepped in front of her husband and nocked yet another arrow.

"Come on," she hissed. "Just come and try me."

Not even giving the machines a chance to move forward another step, she loosed her arrow before yanking out another. It smashed into the face of the one on the left, granting Aloy a brief moment of grim satisfaction. 

Unfortunately, the Stalkers took that moment to slip into active camouflage. With the afternoon light nearly wholly swallowed up by the blackened clouds of the storm, it was almost impossible to see them without her Focus, and that took time she couldn't afford in the form of slowing down and scanning. Jerking her bow around while she searched, she continued to draw and release arrows, only a few finding their intended targets. She knew from her successful hits that the machines had begun to creep in a slow circle around them, and for the first time since this ordeal had begun, Aloy realized she might not make it out of here alive.

"Aloy," Nil wheezed from behind her. "Aloy, just g-go."

"No," she said with a fierce shake of her head, as much of a rebuke as to clear some of the moisture from her eyes. "I'm not leaving you."

The crunching of leaves alerted her to one approaching from the right, and she automatically fired off another arrow. It sailed disappointingly off into the brush.

"No," she whispered, backing up slowly, closer to Nil. "No, I can do this. There has to be a way."

As if the universe had been listening, the heavens chose that moment to open up, pouring a deluge of rain down upon them. This wouldn't have been more than a minor irritant, except for one key factor: despite being invisible, the Stalkers were not incorporeal. The raindrops bounced off of them, revealing their position perfectly.

Her morale restored, Aloy threw herself into battle with a vengeance. Most of her fear had fled, replaced by powerful adrenaline which had her muscles working in perfect harmony with her reflexes as she maneuvered around the Stalkers, smoothly enough that it almost felt as though she were dancing. Nil had already done a number on the two machines, and it was only a matter of time before the first one collapsed to the ground under the deluge of her arrows and didn't get up again. 

She was about to aim the finishing shot at the second when, out of nowhere, Nil darted past her. Aloy just caught the gleam of metal before he lunged forward, skewering the machine on his blade like the sticks of meat peddled in the markets. It too fell with a mighty roar. Blinking rapidly, she lowered her bow, then looked her husband up and down dumbly as he turned to face her, a pleased grin on his face and blood still trickling down his belly.

"Well, wasn't that exciting," Nil drawled. "I suppose hunting machines isn't so bad with a capable partner at my side."

"How - how are you standing?" Aloy sputtered.

"I wasn't mortally wounded or anything like that, huntress. This looks worse than it actually is, because I've always been a heavy bleeder." Nil at least had the sense to look sheepish. "One of those bastards lashed me across the stomach with its tail. Stunned me for a bit, knocked the breath right out of me and gave me some nasty-looking cuts to boot, but I'll survive." That grin rallied and then grew suggestive. "Why? Were you worried for me?"

Her face heated, and she was thankful for the low light. "No! You - ugh!"

Annoyed and tired of standing in the rain, Aloy stalked off to crouch down beneath a large, gnarled tree.

Some of the mirth faded from Nil's expression as he settled down beside her. "Unfortunately, it also managed to tear my pack clean in two." He waved a hand off to the side, and sure enough, his destroyed pack laid in pieces several feet away. "Including my tent."

"That's your problem," Aloy huffed.

"That it is," he sighed. "My bedroll survived, thankfully. It might be a little wet, but I've slept in worse conditions. I know it's still a little early, but I think after that escapade, we should call the day now. So, why don't we see about setting your tent up and getting you out of this rain?"

Despite her irritation with Nil, she was exhausted and not about to turn down help when freely offered. After collecting the remains of his pack - luckily the rations he had brought along were mostly intact - they set up the shelter, and she even helped Nil drag his bedroll over beside it. After peeling off her soaked top layers, she made to crawl inside the tent, but something gave her pause. She watched as her husband settled down on top of his bedroll with a relieved groan and began to remove his armor, noticing then how shaky his hands were and how his entire body had been overcome with tiny shivers.

He was deliberately suppressing them, she realized.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Aloy heaved a resigned sigh. "Nil?"

He didn't pause in what he was doing. "Yes, huntress?"

"You can...you can share my tent with me tonight." She held the tent flap open expectantly.

His answering smile was rueful. "Don't worry about me, Aloy. I'll be fine out here."

"I'm too tired to argue about this," she snapped, that heat creeping back into her face. "Just get in the damn tent, Nil."

A pregnant pause hung in the air, Nil's quiet voice the only thing eventually breaking it. "As you wish, huntress."

The space inside, thankfully, was just big enough for both of their bedrolls. This was something Aloy had thought impractical at the time he had given her the tent, but now she was glad for it. There was enough space for both of them to spread out, and Nil got to work bandaging his wounds with her supplies. Under her blanket, she was blissfully comfortable and dozing in seconds.

The only problem was, Nil was most definitely not. In addition to his tent, the Stalker had also shredded his blanket, and once he finished tending to his injuries, he was left to curl in on himself to maintain warmth. 

Aloy could only handle this pathetic sight for a few seconds before caving. "Fine. Get under the blanket with me too. It wouldn't be good if you died of hypothermia and left me stranded out here."

Nil huffed a laugh, not even attempting to argue this time. "All right, all right. I'll do my best to keep space between us."

With a gulp, Aloy turned over to face the side of the tent as he slid under the covers. True to his word, Nil was careful not to touch her, but she could still feel the beckoning warmth emanating from his body.

"Rest well, Aloy," he murmured. "Tomorrow, we hunt a Stormbird."

She didn't respond, but the trace of a smile curved her lips all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> godDAMNIT, NIL
> 
> got lots going on here, and shout-out to the discord crew for pushing for this to be even more romantic and tropey. 😂
> 
> See yinz next week!


	12. Chapter 11

Aloy slipped back into consciousness gradually and reluctantly. Wrapped in her blanket, she was blissfully comfortable, and something firm and warm was curled against her back and draped over her waist. She arched into it and gave a dreamy smile. It shifted behind her, molding to her body in response to each of her movements.

There was another thing, too - something hard cradled against her backside that had an unfamiliar heat blooming in her lower half. Whatever it was, it felt nice, so she continued to press back into it. A soft moan escaped her when it pushed back.

At her utterance, the weight on her waist stiffened then lifted off of her, the solid presence behind Aloy leaving her entirely. A frown pulled at her lips. Finally able to pry her sleep-heavy eyelids open, she twisted around.

Only to find her husband staring wide-eyed at her from across the tent. 

Understanding hit Aloy like a charging Strider, banishing every trace of sleepiness from her. 

"Aloy," Nil said, his voice strained. "Sun and Shadow, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

Violent heat flooded her face and neck. Her eyes shot up to the ceiling on the tent, because Aloy felt as though she might actually combust on the spot if she kept looking at him.

"No, it's, um, okay," she said faintly. "We were both asleep. Next to each other. It happens. Right?"

Nil cleared his throat. "Right."

"We should get ready to go," Aloy added hurriedly. "You know, to hunt."

"I'll let you dress, then," Nil replied, and before she could say anything in response, he fled from the tent.

Aloy stared at the entrance for a full minute before flopping back onto her bedroll with a frustrated groan.

It was to her great relief that the rest of the morning passed uneventfully. By the time she dressed and emerged from the tent, Nil had started a fire to heat water for the gruel mix they had brought along - not her favorite, but it was filling enough for the active day ahead of them. The rain had passed overnight, leaving rays of sunlight to poke cheerfully at her through the holes in the canopy, and bright birdsong accompanied them as they meandered their way through the jungle post-breakfast and campsite takedown. Thankfully, the mood left over from their mortifying wakeup dissipated relatively quickly, and by the time they had oriented themselves and were heading towards one of the Stormbird's frequented locations, their conversation was back to the friendly and easy banter of the previous day. 

Their success in tracking, however, was limited. Privately, Aloy had decided against using her Focus for this hunt unless absolutely necessary, determined to prove that she could track without it. After the first hour with no trace of the machine, she was mildly put out but no less eager. By hour three, frustration began to creep up on the edges of her tolerance. When midday rolled around, she was highly considering saying to hell with it and activating the device's scanning function anyway.

Nil must have noticed her frustration. He halted mid-step, leaving Aloy to walk a few places ahead before she realized he was no longer beside her.

She turned to him, concerned. "Nil? What's wrong?"

"Well, we've been going for awhile, huntress," he said lightly. "I believe it would be a good time to break for lunch."

"We can't stop now! We haven't even found anything yet," Aloy protested.

"And we've also been walking all morning without rest," Nil reminded her. "You don't want to deal with an empty belly during the stress of battle, do you?"

"I guess not," she grumbled.

He shot her a crooked grin. "Besides, I've brought special rations for lunch today. Perhaps we could make a picnic out of it."

"A picnic," Aloy deadpanned. "In the middle of the jungle."

"Well, why not?" Nil said, nonplussed. "It's a lovely day." 

Although his explanation offered next to no clarity, she nodded reluctantly. "All right, fine. A picnic. Still have no idea why you'd go through all the effort."

"This trip was supposed to be for your enjoyment," he replied with a shrug. "I'm simply attempting to maximize that."

Instead of responding, Aloy pushed ahead - while also pushing back the warmth spreading throughout her from her husband's thoughtfulness.

Large clearings were a rarity in the Jewel due to the density of broad-leaved trees, so it was a surprise when they stumbled upon one after only a short walk. The day was sunny and warm, highlighting the tropical flowers dotting the ground and exotic birds flitting about, creating a lush symphony of color. Aloy felt herself relaxing almost instantly. Here was a moment of peace in an otherwise eventful couple of days, and she admitted to herself that Nil might have had the right idea while he spread out his bedroll and gestured for her to sit.

As Aloy made herself comfortable, her husband rooted around in his hastily repaired bag. She watched as he produced foodstuff after foodstuff - from cheeses to cured spiced sausages to crusty bread and fruits. 

"Do you think you brought enough?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, I don't know," Nil hummed as he sliced through a sausage. "I could have brought a tea set too, but I figured that would make too much noise and attract even more machines than we saw yesterday."

Surprising herself, Aloy laughed. "You make a good point. I think I've fought enough Stalkers to last me a good while." Some of her mirth faded, but her smile remained as she accepted a chunk of sausage from him. "Seriously, though. You didn't need to do this for me. I would have been fine with just jerky and gruel."

"Ah, but that wouldn't have allowed us to slow down and take the time to enjoy ourselves," he replied. Taking a bite of a hunk of cheese, Nil gave a contented sigh. "Besides, after being miserable in Meridian for so long, you deserve this. You've done remarkably well for someone removed from her element and dropped into a strange new world."

Aloy refocused her attention to the meat in her hands, shoving into her mouth as her heart inexplicably sped up. While she was still chewing, she grabbed at a roll of bread, taking a huge bite of that the moment after she swallowed what was already in her mouth.

Nil regarded her with wry amusement as he consumed his lunch at a more human pace. "Looks like I was correct in suggesting this break. You're apparently ravenous."

Unable to talk with a full mouth, Aloy only nodded frantically, not quite able to look her husband in the eye.

Still, the silence between them throughout their meal was nothing if not companionable. Nil's food choices, as always, were mouth-wateringly delicious, and Aloy made sure to sample each one before finally throwing in the towel. Her stomach fit to burst, she leaned back on her hands, happy to find that most of her disappointment at not finding the Stormbird had been quelled for now.

"Well, what did you think?" Nil questioned as he tossed an apple core aside. "Good lunch?"

"It was," Aloy answered. "Although I think I may have eaten a little too much."

"In that case, why don't we take a moment to rest before we return to the hunt?" he suggested. 

A trace of restlessness stirred in her, but she was able to banish it easily enough. Nil had gone above and beyond for ber, and besides, a belly stuffed this full would only slow her down. 

"I guess that's all right."

He beamed at her, and much to Aloy's chagrin, her heart went haywire once again. 

"So, did you do this sort of thing back home?" Nil asked after a few seconds. "Picnicking, that is."

"No, not at all," Aloy replied with a shake of her head. "With as much time as Rost and I spent in the wilds, there was no point in making an event out of something as simple as eating outside." She frowned. "Although I guess when you live somewhere like Meridian, I can see the appeal."

"Rost," Nil said with a tilt of his head. "Your guardian?"

She drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them tight. "Yeah. He was."

"What was it like?" he asked. "Growing up in the Sacred Lands? If it doesn't bother you too much to answer."

The thought of home, while still a sore spot, didn't sting as much as it once had. Aloy blew out a contemplative gust of air before saying, "It was a good life, and stupidly, I didn't realize how lucky I was until I came here. I could go outside whenever I wanted to be alone, to hunt game and machines or to just run through the valley of the Embrace to clear my head. We lived in a little cabin on a mountainside, and although we were outcasts, we always had each other."

Surprise rounded Nil's eyes. "You were an outcast?"

Aloy gave a bitter chuckle. There was no harm in disclosing the worst details of her life, was there? 

"Yeah. Since I was found abandoned as a newborn baby. And no one ever told me why or who my mother was. I spent my entire life training for the opportunity to get those answers, only to have it all ripped away from me by this stupid treaty."

"Nothing about this situation was fair to you, and it angers me greatly," he said softly. "You deserve to have those answers, and you deserve to have Rost back. I regret how much this arrangement has hurt you, and if I had a way to release you from it, know that I would. There's nothing honorable about uprooting an unwilling woman and taking her as a wife."

Unexpected tears blurred her eyes, and she stubbornly swiped at them with a hand before letting it drop to her side. 

Old anger roiled in her guts. "Did you know that the Matriarchs only gave me a single day to prepare? We got a knock on our door one morning, and just like that, I had to face leaving everything I had ever known, the only person who had ever given a damn about me, and my only chance at finding out why no one wanted me. I sacrificed everything to save the lives of a tribe that has only made my life miserable, and the worst part is, most of them are probably relieved that the motherless curse is gone."

Her husband examined her for a moment before carefully, haltingly laying his hand over hers. It was pleasantly warm and engulfed hers completely.

Whether from the mess of her emotions or something else, Aloy didn't immediately pull away from him. Instead, she stared at Nil mutely. 

"For what it's worth, Aloy, I'm sorry. I often wish we could have met under better circumstances, because I enjoy your company, and I know the others do as well. I know that this doesn't mend the gaping wound within you, but there are people here who care for you."

"I think I would have liked that," she murmured, keeping her eyes leveled with his uniquely beautiful silver eyes. "Meeting you in a better place, at a better time."

Before she even realized what she was doing, Aloy found herself leaning towards her husband, and though being tugged on by some invisible thread. It wasn't until she was mere inches from Nil's face, when she could feel the gust of his breath brushing over her skin, that the knowledge of how close they actually were caught up with her. With a breathless exhale, she lurched away from him.

Nil remained unperturbed as always. With a slight smile, he reclined back onto the bedroll, staring up at the fluffy clouds drifting lazily above them. The calm mood enveloping him was infectious, and Aloy soon found most of her tension once again dying away.

"Where do you go?" she asked eventually. "You know, during the day."

Surprise crossed his expression, and along with it, that stubborn pang of guilt jabbed at Aloy.

 _At least I'm asking now_ , she thought to herself crossly.

"My duties take me to several places, but I'm usually at the city barracks," Nil explained, "training with the other kestrels and drilling soldiers I outrank. It's where I used to live before we were wed, actually."

"Oh, really?" She offered him a grin. "What, couldn't have me living in the barracks too?"

"I couldn't exactly have my wife sleeping in the same room as forty other repressed men who haven't touched, much less seen a woman in ages," he said, very drily. "And so a house it was."

"Even against that many men, I could probably handle myself," Aloy replied archly. 

Nil smirked. "I'm well aware of that now, huntress. I understood that after our very first conversation, and then my concern became for _their_ welfare."

This elicited a startled laugh from Aloy, one that swelled in both volume and intensity until her full belly ached in the best way. All the while, Nil watched with a crooked grin, his chin propped up in his palm and obvious affection shining in his eyes.

Once she had finally managed to calm her laughter, a new revelation came sharply into clarity for Aloy: in a strange turn of events, she now considered her husband a friend. She couldn't deny it anymore - his generosity, his wry sense of humor, their shared passions - all of these factors made spending time around him a true joy. Her regard for him matched that which she held for Talanah, Avad, and Kadaman, and somehow that realization wasn't quite as jarring as it once might have been.

What _was_ jarring was the ever-present knowledge that the day was rapidly approaching where she'd be expected to take Nil's life. The only problem was, Aloy wasn't sure how she'd be able to bring herself to do that anymore.

Her husband - and not just him, but an entire generation of men, if the previous Sun-King's mandate was anything to go by - had been irrevocably damaged by the customs and politics of their tribe, just as much as she had by hers. Was the answer really to put him down, to deny him a chance to ever find any semblance of normalcy or freedom? It was undeniable that Nil was trapped between his orders and the sense of honor and justice he held onto for dear life. Wouldn't Aloy be just as bad as he if she resorted to the violence of murder?

There had to be a way, she thought as she looked him over, her heart a leaden weight in her chest. There had to be a solution to this that didn't end in his death or hers. 

It was just a matter of figuring out what that might look like. 

Regardless, thinking about her dilemma right now wouldn't do Aloy any good. What she could do for him, however, was to begin the process of bringing him back into the fold of old friends. It was a small effort in the grand scheme of things, but she felt it could be a step in the right direction.

"You know, when I had lunch with everyone, Kadaman wanted to have a few drinks for luck on the hunt," she broached.

Nil rolled his eyes, but there was humor dancing in them. "That sounds like him."

"I didn't take him up on it," she continued. "He was upset, but he also told me to ask you if we could make up for it sometime."

"I already told you that you don't need to ask my permission - "

"He meant both of us, Nil," Aloy interrupted.

Her husband sat up a little straighter, blinking rapidly. "Oh. I see."

"You don't have to if you don't want to," she added, her hands fidgeting in her lap. "I can go alone, but I thought it might be nice - "

"Relax, huntress," Nil said. "Of course we can do that sometime. I will warn you that - if the past is anything to go by - we tend to get fairly, hm, _spirited_ whenever alcohol is involved. As long as you can handle that, there's no issue."

The line of Aloy's shoulders sagged slightly. "That actually doesn't sound half bad. I could use a spirited evening with how miserable living in the city is."

"Do I need to worry about you getting too far into the bottle?" Nil teased. "Actually, I wonder how well you can even handle your alcohol after your dress fitting with Theradine. Perhaps - "

He was cut off by a screeching cry resounding throughout the area. At the familiar sound, Aloy was on her feet before her brain could catch up, already reaching for the bow on her back.

"The Stormbird!" she cried. "Nil, let's go!"

When her gaze darted back down to her husband, he was already throwing things back into his pack and securing his bedroll. It only took a couple of seconds more for him to stand, and after a shared look of excitement, the two broke out into a steady jog in the direction of the sound. 

Less than a mile to the south they came upon what Nil described as the telltale signs that a Stormbird had been in the area - a ring of freshly smoking burnt trees very recently struck by lightning. Aloy raked her eyes over the smouldering wood, searching for any hint of the direction the machine had gone in. They caught on a couple more downed trees to the southwest, and without checking to see if he was following her, she bolted off in that direction.

"Blood's on fire, huh, huntress?" Nil laughed as he fell in step beside her.

"Can you blame me?" she shot back.

"Not at all." When Aloy glanced at him, his smile was toothy. "I'm thrilled to see you come alive like this, actually."

When she refocused on her path ahead, Aloy was wearing a smile of her own.

Another ten minutes of following the trail the machine had left behind (including the charred remains of the unfortunate hunter who had run into it and likely caused it to attack in the first place), and the treeline came to a sudden stop near a river. The pair skidded to a stop, then dropped down to their bellies to observe the scene in front of them.

It was Aloy's first good look at the magnificent beast, and she took her time taking it all in. Enormous, segmented wings propelled by several engines carried a formidably armored body of the avian persuasion over an area of the jungle which had been clear-cut for wood. In the Stormbird's center was a glowing core - a power source, perhaps, and where they'd likely need to focus their fire. 

"Does it ever land and attack from the ground?" Aloy whispered. 

"Oh, yes," Nil replied. "They're more than capable of ground and diving maneuvers, which makes them even more of a threat. You're going to need to be prepared to move. A lot."

Refusing to scan the Stormbird with her Focus at this juncture would be foolish, so Aloy did her best to activate it as subtly as possible. She had already been successful in finding it without the device, and that had been challenge enough - anything further would be bordering on a death wish.

Several parts and their vulnerabilities lit up all over the machine, and Aloy squinted intently as she read through the information scrolling over the net-like display of the Focus. Yes, the Stormbird was intimidating in both aggression and size, but the latter also meant it possessed a number of very large and very volatile targets. 

"Do you see that canister of Blaze on its lower back?" she asked. "We should focus our attention on that first with fire arrows. I think if we can take that out, it should create enough of an explosion to do some serious damage to it. We just need to make sure we're far enough away from it when that happens."

Nil nodded slowly. "An interesting but difficult strategy. One that will require a great deal of finesse with aiming."

"I think I can handle it," Aloy said. "But we'll need a plan of what to do after, and if I can't pull this part off, then we'll move onto that."

"Fair enough."

"The core in its center seems like it powers everything and will be _very_ hard to miss," she pointed out. "If we can disable that and its lightning gun, this hunt will be over."

Her husband nodded again, although that suspicion he had regarded her with yesterday was once again tugging as his expression. By some unknown grace, however, Nil didn't say anything this time. Instead, he returned his attention back to the Stormbird - and despite his continued insistence that he didn't enjoy fighting machines, Aloy was pleased to note that he was practically quaking with anticipation.

Nil took that moment to unhook his bow from his back and draw an arrow. “Ready on your command, huntress.”

“When it circles back around this way, we'll strike,” she said, watching as the machine swooped around a nearby mesa and headed back in their direction. With that gigantic wingspan, it closed the gap between them in no time at all, backlit by the early afternoon sun. The instant its great shadow fell over them, Aloy cried out, “ _Now_!”

Their arrows took flight simultaneously. With plenty of time for careful aiming, both hit their intended target of the Blaze canister, and she had to keep herself from whooping with premature glee. Stormbird or no, those canisters were fragile and unstable and would break as easily as on any other machine. 

Unfortunately, this machine wasn’t going to make that task easy for them. With breathtaking agility, the Stormbird screeched furiously and wheeled itself around mid-air, setting its sights on the pair. Electricity crackled over its metal hull, and Aloy barely had enough time to heed Nil’s shout of warning as it let loose its first volley of lightning. Diving out of the way, she then whipped her head around desperately, relieved to find her husband no worse for the wear. Their eyes met, understanding surged between them, and without any hesitation they booked it in opposite directions.

Split between two targets left the machine more vulnerable but no less deadly. While Nil attempted to keep its attention rooted on him and him alone, Aloy fired off arrow after arrow. However, with such a tiny target on such agile prey, most of them missed their mark. Only one ultimately managed to ping off of the canister, but it was almost enough - the casing cracked, and a wild jet of flame spewed from it, licking at the air hungrily.

“Just one more,” Aloy muttered under her breath. “Just buy me a little more time.”

As though the Stormbird had overheard her words, it switched its raptorial gaze from Nil to her. The core in its center surged with energy and heat. Aloy bellowed out a curse as a burst of electricity rushed towards her, followed by the machine itself swooping down with its wicked claws extended as though to pluck her up off the ground as though it were really a bird of prey and she were nothing more than a rabbit. With a hasty lunge to the right, she was able to avoid most of the attack - all but for a stray bolt of static. A stuttering cry escaped her as her body seized up and jerked uncontrollably for several long and precious seconds. Thankfully, it wasn’t enough to fell her, although bursts of pain from her abused nerves clawed their way down her limbs and into her fingertips and toes. All she could do was bite her tongue against it and draw another arrow - because, due to his rapidfire attacks and constant taunting calls, the machine had returned its attention to her husband and left its back wide open.

Just one more arrow.

With a yell born of both frustration and triumph, Aloy released her hold on the projectile and watched it fly home. 

It took only a second longer for her to recognize her mistake.

The canister would explode, damaging the Stormbird - but also Nil, who stood directly beneath the machine.

Aloy’s feet carried her in the direction of her husband before she had time to register any conscious thought. Leaping towards him with outstretched arms, she tackled him to the ground the moment the Blaze ignited. A booming explosion filled her ears, and the world around them went white. Moments later, scorching heat fanned over her back, and despite bracing herself for the agony of badly burned skin, it never came - the fireproof nature of her outfit did its job, and any burn she acquired would be mild. Distantly, she made a mental note to give her thanks to Theradine later.

Relief swamped Aloy as she searched her husband’s face. Unconsciously, she brought a hand up to run her fingers over the angle of his cheek, as though to ascertain for herself that he was alive and untouched. With eyes as wide as the moon, Nil stared back at her, looking as though he wished to speak. But there was no time for her to listen; another of the Stormbird’s angered calls sounded behind them, telling her that it had already mostly recovered.

Rolling off of Nil, she helped him up while keeping an eye on the machine. In addition to the fire damage sustained to its body, its wings had to beat harder now in order to keep its massive frame aloft, and its movements weren’t nearly as smooth or as rapid as they had been prior to the explosion.

“The lightning gun and core now,” Aloy panted. “It’s almost over. We can do this.”

Pride mixed with something else - an odd emotion she couldn’t quite identify in the moment - shimmered in Nil’s eyes. “Thanks to you, we can.”

The pair jumped back into action. With the Stormbird slowed as it was and with their targets much larger this time around, actually hitting the beast was a much easier affair. At the same time, the physical demands of the fight - particularly dodging that awful lightning gun and leaping out of the way of its dive bombs - meant that Aloy’s strength and stamina had begun to wane. The engine itself was their best chance to end this quickly, but it would still take a large amount of near-perfect shots. 

If she had been by herself, it would have been a terrifyingly close call. But with another equally skilled warrior in the mix, the odds overwhelmingly favored them. When Aloy managed to steal a glance at her husband, she was impressed at what she found. Tireless military precision guided each of Nil’s movements, and not once did he panic or break under pressure or stress. 

Aloy had fought her battles alone for the sweeping majority of her life, and if someone had asked her a couple of days ago, she would have told them that she preferred it that way. But now, she couldn’t imagine accomplishing any of what she had in the past twenty four hours without her husband at her side.

In perfect tandem, they fired off a final volley of arrows at the Stormbird. Together, they watched as the projectiles burrowed themselves into its chest. The engine core flickered once and then died completely. With a horrible grinding sound, the machine’s hydraulics locked up, and in a shower of sparks, it fell to the earth. It jerked once, as though to rise back up, only to collapse once more. Then, all was still.

Her chest heaving with the effort of her breathing, Aloy stared at the lifeless machine for a long time. Gradually, a smile bloomed on her face, so wide and so jubilant that her cheeks ached in protest. Throwing her bow aside, she turned to Nil and threw her arms around him without a second thought.

“We did it!” she cried. “I can’t believe - Goddess, Talanah is going to be _so_ jealous!”

Nil dropped his bow as well, and she felt the wide span of his arms engulf her in order to give her a quick squeeze.

“We did, huntress, and you have every right to be proud,” he said, his voice a tad husky in her ear. “Now, why don’t you go and see if you can find a trophy to bring home to show off to Talanah?”

He released her, and something fluttered in Aloy’s chest when the reality of the fact that she had embraced him of her own accord caught up with her. Relievingly, that unsettling feeling was quickly overwhelmed by heady excitement - because, for the first time in a long time, she had a machine to strip for parts. For all she enjoyed fighting, she had always enjoyed the aftermath even more.

Aloy dug zealously into the Stormbird while Nil watched. Every so often, she handed him a useful item, and soon enough, both of their packs were bursting with valuable supplies - Chillwater, Blaze, even a few thick cords of Crystal Braiding. But none of those were what she was after. For the true prize, she’d need both her acquired skill at dismantling delicate parts and a little bit of luck. 

It took around an hour of careful delving into the carcass to reach her destination. Holding her breath, Aloy pushed aside a tangle of wires. When her eyes found what she had been searching for, she released that breath in a disbelieving gasp.

Before her, nestled safely in the Stormbird’s chest cavity, sat a perfectly in-tact heart.

“Congratulations, huntress.” Nil had wandered over to where she was crouched by the machine, and when she glanced up at him, the softest of smiles had settled on his lips. “I don't normally approve of taking trophies, but I believe that this one is well-earned.”

Her heart flooded with warmth. “Thank you, Nil. But you know as well as I do that this is equally your kill.”

“Oh, no,” he chuckled. “This was your hunt, and I’ll happily cede the spoils to you.”

“Fine. I won’t complain about that,” Aloy shrugged as she placed the heart in its own pocket on her bag.

Her husband’s expression grew contemplative. “Before we left, I assumed that this trip would be entirely for your enjoyment, something I was happy to oblige. Yes, this was your hunt. But honestly, I enjoyed it too, and not just because of you.” His gaze refocused on her, full of wonder and even more of that strange emotion she had noticed during the fight. “Perhaps...yesterday morning...you were right. Maybe there is another way for me to exist in the world.”

Aloy’s eyes widened as his words sank in. Before she could reply, however, Nil turned and headed back towards the treeline and, presumably, the road. It took some effort to peel her stare away from the perplexing man, but she managed long enough to spare a final glance at one of her greatest kills, a mournful pang resounding throughout her at the knowledge that their hunt was over. With a quiet sigh, she slung her bow over her back, picked up her pack, and followed her husband home.

Dusky hues were kissing the stone of their house by the time they made it back hours later, exhausted yet satisfied. The dimming light reflected back at Aloy from the windows, catching her eye and leading her gaze downward. It settled on the flower boxes she had almost forgotten about, still barren of all but loamy soil. She studied the containers with a thoughtful frown.

“Hey, Nil?” 

He turned back to her from where he had been working on unlocking the front door. “Yes, huntress?”

“You said you had seeds for these.” She gestured at the boxes. “Do you still?”

“I do,” Nil confirmed.

“Good.” Aloy lifted her eyes to him, a genuine smile spreading over her face. “Because I think it’s about time to plant them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out taking down machines is easier when you work together and start making steps towards becoming an awesome battle couple. 😉
> 
> See yinz next week for...some angst!


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **CW: MENTIONED INFANT LOSS/DEATH**

Life for Aloy was starkly different after the hunting trip. No longer did she feel as though she was being held hostage in her own home - instead, with all pretense peeled away like dead skin from a healing burn, she was now living with someone she considered a friend. Her new reality heralded several changes: that her bedroom was now used only for sleeping, that she no longer felt anxious about bringing up most subjects in conversation, that she actually began to look forward to the sun's setting, because it meant that Nil would soon be home and her hours spent alone were at an end. 

It didn't hurt that he always looked happy to see her, too - a simple joy Aloy hadn't experienced much of in her life.

A couple of weeks after they arrived back home and during one of his rare days off, Nil helped her plant the flower seeds as she had requested. He explained to her that they were a variety of wild prairie rose; robust, beautiful, and sure to thrive in Meridian's climate.

Digging her fingers into the earth felt good in a way that Aloy couldn't quite articulate. She had never encouraged anything to grow before, and the tiny, partially broken seeds she held in her palms seemed to resonate with the weighty potential for life. After years spent honing the skills necessary to bring death, after her encounter with the bandits in the Jewel, this responsibility, while new, wasn't unwelcome. In a way, taking care of something else alive was soothing - and maybe just a little bit healing, too. 

"I began germinating these right after we were wed," Nil explained, patting down some soil. "You actually asked about them at just the right time. Rose seeds take awhile to get to the right stage for planting."

Aloy spared him a curious glance from where she was digging half-inch holes as he had instructed. "Is gardening another one of those lofty noble pursuits?"

"No, no," Nil chuckled. "It was of special interest to my mother, actually, with her love of all things beautiful. She taught me most of what I know." His expression faltered. "Much, however, was lost with her death. I didn't have the opportunity to practice any of it until now."

"Then we'll have to make up for lost time," Aloy said determinedly. "Either way, I'm sure she'd be proud that you're doing this at all."

Nil opened his mouth as if to say something, only to reconsider and shut it. Eventually, with a tiny smile touching his lips, he did say, "Thank you, Aloy. I believe she would be, at least with this."

Time whittled away like wood beneath Nil's carving knife. One month passed, and then two. She spent time with her friends, she spent time with her husband (unfortunately, their respective schedules hadn't yet lined up enough to allow them to all spend time together). Under different circumstances, Aloy would have allowed herself to let her guard down, perhaps even go so far as to sink into the fragile and tentative happiness she had carved out for herself in her new life. But like a looming spectre in the back of her mind, there was the constant knowledge that one day - maybe sooner, maybe later - a Nora would arrive in Meridian. 

A Nora would arrive in Meridian, and she would be expected to kill one of the only friends she had ever made and abandon the rest. Aloy would be expected to go home to the Embrace and somehow find a way to exist in Nora society, while so many continued to suffer under the bonds of slavery and Jiran's tyranny. The impotent rage she felt around the subject was an odd feeling for sure; even though she hadn't wanted to, much like the circumstances which had led to her reluctantly accepting her role in the treaty, she found herself caring about those who were suffering more than she ever thought possible.

She spent more time thinking through a solution to her dilemma than she did anything else. With abilities such as his, Nil had the potential to do a great deal of good, but he was also a lifelong soldier duty-bound to carry out the bidding of one of the most reprehensible men in recent history. At some point, there would be another raid, and he would be expected to murder and lead more innocents into slavery and sacrifice. If Aloy asked, if she pressed, if she pleaded, would he listen to her? Was he even capable of turning himself around in such circumstances? She wasn't certain. As much as he cared for her, he had his life to consider. Even the slightest step out of line could mean his sacrifice in the Sun-Ring, and she would lose him anyway.

And if she didn't put him down, the Nora would surely find out. She would never be able to return home or see Rost again, and the concept alone had her chest aching with hollow agony. 

It was an impossible situation, and with seemingly no way out, Aloy did her best to keep her determination and resolve steeled at all times. There had been no challenge too great for her to overcome yet, and she wasn't about to give up searching for a solution to this one. 

Her obsession with this conundrum was so encompassing, in fact, that she almost walked right by a man standing outside of her home one day on her way back from picking up dinner and a new bow modification at the markets. 

With a frown, Aloy slowed and then stopped completely a few paces away. Something about the older gentleman was familiar in a way that she couldn't quite place. He was staring up at her and Nil's corner rowhouse, his hands clasped behind his back.

In any case, he didn't seem to be much of a threat. Moving her packages to her other arm, Aloy cleared her throat.

"Can I help you with anything?"

Startled out of whatever reverie he was lost in, the man turned and blinked owlishly at her with grey eyes. A genial smile ringed by a grey goatee soon followed, spreading over his face as he looked her up and down.

"Yes, I believe you can. Your name is Aloy, correct?"

"Yes," she sighed. "And I won't ask how you know that, because I'm pretty sure that half of the damn city does at this point through word of mouth alone."

The man laughed, but it was kind. "Yes, yes. You are indeed the one who has all of their tongues wagging. A burden for you, I'm sure."

"I'm pretty used to it at this point," she responded drily.

"Still, you have my apologies for such an informal introduction. Let's fix that now, shall we?" Sweeping an arm out, he bent elegantly at the waist. "Ligan Khane Argir at your service, my lady."

Aloy lurched back in shock, nearly dropping her bundle of packages in the process. 

" _What_? Wait - Khane Argir. Does that mean - "

"Bluntly put, I'm Sahad's father." Here, he paused. "Which would make you my daughter-in-law. It's a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, Aloy."

Aloy was unable to do much more than gape at him. Her brain felt as though it had been frozen in time, only capable of replaying Ligan's words on loop. It only began to chug along again as her eyes roved over his face - over silver eyes the same as her husband's rimmed by the same markings, over grey hair and a goatee which had both obviously once been black. 

"You were at our wedding!" she exclaimed.

"I was indeed," Ligan confirmed with a nod. "As estranged as my son and I are, it was my duty as head of our House to attend and see him wed. And I don't take duty lightly, especially considering how I was unable to fulfill the rest of my obligations as father of the groom." A familiar, amused glint shimmered in his eyes. "Besides, my late wife would have my hide if I had missed out on such a momentous event."

Finding herself more at ease now, Aloy shifted the items in her arms into a more comfortable position and asked, "So, what brings you here, then?"

"Truthfully, I had hoped to catch you alone," Ligan confessed. "Sahad's presence would have...complicated matters greatly."

"I'm well aware of that," she said. "But you didn't answer my question."

"I thought it would be lovely to get to know my new daughter," he replied, innocently enough.

Aloy wrinkled her nose in distaste. "The Carja have such strange ideas about family. I hope you don't expect me to call you father."

Just as it registered that her words may have been a _smidge_ rude, Ligan leveled her with a wide grin that made him appear years younger. 

"My, what refreshing candor! I like you already. No, no. Just Ligan is fine."

"Ligan," she confirmed. "Well, here I am."

"Here you are," he repeated, his tone a touch softer. "There is much to discuss, but this is not the place for the sort of conversation I'd like to have with you. My intention was to invite you - and only you - to my home to have dinner sometime soon."

Aloy pursed her lips. "If you were intending on tonight, I'm afraid that Nil - I mean, Sahad and I already had plans for dinner."

"I supposed as much," Ligan replied with a shrug. "But what of tomorrow? Are you similarly engaged?"

She thought it over. "I don't think so." 

"Then will you do me the pleasure of coming by tomorrow evening?" he asked. "Say, around the sixth bell?"

"I guess." He handed her a slip of parchment, presumably with the location of his home in it, and her eyes narrowed as she looked him over. "But I do have one question."

"Yes?"

"Why now? I've been here for months, and you're just now showing up?"

"Ah, you cut to the quick. How refreshing," Ligan said lightly. The lines on his face deepened in the next moment, however. "Perhaps I needed time to rally my courage."

Aloy frowned. "Courage? For what?"

"To begin making the necessary strides to get my son back." This time, his smile was weary. "But I must be off. Farewell for now, Aloy. I look forward to tomorrow."

Before she could react, Ligan turned to walk away, with long, loping strides surprisingly jaunty for someone his age. Aloy stared after him long after he had rounded a street corner and disappeared.

When Nil found her later that evening, she was draped out on the couch, deep in thought.

The cushions shifted as he eased himself down next to her with a weary groan. "Well, this looks serious."

Aloy barely spared him a glance. "Nil. Dinner's on the hearth."

"I see that," he said. "And what about you?"

"I already ate," she replied absentmindedly.

"Aloy." Nil twisted himself to face her fully. 

"Hm?"

He gave an amused huff. "I meant you. How are you? You've been lost in thought often lately."

That got her attention, and she managed to summon a sheepish smile. "Yeah, I know. Sorry about that."

"Is there anything you'd like to talk to me about? You know I'll listen." 

His eyes were kind and concerned. Aloy exhaled slowly as she glanced down at where her hands were folded in her lap. She had spent much of her day torn over whether or not she should tell her husband that she had plans with the father he hadn't spoken to in years, and it hadn't been an easy decision. By now, she knew that Nil wouldn't prevent her from going, although it had the potential to put a wedge between them. But if she decided to lie, there was a good chance that he'd find out anyway, and that division could become wider yet.

In short, if she was going to bring this up, now was the time. Her decision made, she raised her eyes to his.

"I ran into someone today on my way home."

He angled his head to the side with a frown. "Oh? What one person would be cause for so much concern, huntress? You're acting as though you bumped into the Sun-King himself."

"No, but it might as well have been." Aloy pursed her lips. "It was Ligan. Your father."

Nil stiffened at once. His only visible movement was a slight twitching in his jaw.

"I see."

The truth had been flung out into the open, and there was no reason to be coy. "He invited me to dinner."

"And?"

"I accepted."

When Aloy finally managed to look at her husband, he had balled his fists in the fabric of his skirt so tightly that they were white and trembling.

On impulse, she reached out for him, to touch him, but he jerked away. Hurt pulsed through her, and her hand dropped.

"I won't stop you," Nil said quietly. "I have no right, and...I know you. You're so curious, you want to cut straight down to the bone with everything. I understand why you accepted."

"What happened between you two, Nil?" she asked, as kindly as she could. "All I want is to understand."

Raw pain and grief contorted his face for a brief moment before he smoothed it away as he always did. Instead, a sneer yanked at his lips. "No need to make an enormous deal of it. It's simple, actually. He loathed what I ultimately became, and he threw me away like I was garbage."

Something in Aloy's chest squeezed tight, and the urge to comfort him in what few ways she could came back with a vengeance. "He didn't act like he hated you when I talked to him. Actually, it seemed like he wanted to fix things. He said that - "

"As much as I'd like to believe that, mending our relationship is far beyond the realm of possibility, Aloy," Nil interrupted dully. "That hasn't changed for years."

"Then why would he bother with me at all?" she countered. 

"He mentioned duty at some point, didn't he?" At Aloy's silence, his lips thinned. "And there it is. He's the head of our House, and seeing as you're a part of it, you technically fall under his responsibility. My father has always been staunchly honorable, and although he and I are estranged, that wouldn't apply to you. He's simply doing what he feels is the right thing." He choked out a bitter laugh. "Which apparently he couldn't bring himself to do with me."

This time, Aloy didn't hold herself back. Striking as quickly as she would in battle, she laid her hand on his shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze. Nil shuddered under her touch once, like a wounded machine, but didn't try to pull away.

"I think it's worth trying," she said softly. "I'm going to go to dinner tomorrow night, and I'm going to see what I can learn. It's not to spite you."

"I know." He closed his eyes. "I know. Just don't get your hopes up."

"I'm not sure I know how to get my hopes up anymore, but thanks for the warning," Aloy muttered.

It was enough for Nil to at least crack a smile, and some of the tightness in her chest eased.

"Maybe that's something that _can_ actually be mended." His hand settled over hers where it still sat on her shoulder, and for a moment, Aloy wasn't sure who was comforting who. "But in any case, I'm ravenous, and I'd like a chance to eat. 

"Then I'd better get out of the way before you get too hungry and decide to eat me," she deadpanned.

Potent heat flashed in Nil's eyes for the briefest of seconds. "Careful, huntress. One day I might just be tempted."

Mercifully, he rose to his feet before he could see just how far the red had spread over Aloy's face, or the way she crossed her legs to quell the strange ache suddenly pulsing in her center.

\--

Aloy stared down at the piece of parchment paper clutched in her hands, then up at the door in front of her. It was like any other door in Meridian - although the house it was attached to was certainly larger than most - made of wood and bronze and etched with the angular patterns the Carja favored.

Yes, it was exactly like any other door. Except for the not so small fact that her husband's father was lurking somewhere on the other side.

Raising her fist and all of her courage, Aloy knocked firmly. 

Seconds later, she could make out the distinctive sound of footsteps on wood. Just as the sixth bell began to chime its somber tune, the door eased open.

"Ah, Aloy." Ligan was wearing a polite smile which revealed nothing of his mood. "I'm glad you came, and in such lovely attire too."

She spared a glance down at the dress she had chosen for the evening - something long and flowy and purple Theradine had described as 'conservatively cut' - then dragged it back up to Ligan hesitantly.

"Thank you. It's, um, good to see you."

"And you." Ligan stepped backwards, gesturing inward. "Please, come in. Dinner is moments from being ready, so if you'll follow me back to the dining room…"

The older man set a brisk pace down a long hallway, and Aloy had to lengthen her stride to follow him. All the while, her eyes darted over what she presumed to be her husband's childhood home; from mosaics and paintings and tapestries to ornate vases and sculptures and oil lamps, the residence was beautifully furnished and a feast for the eyes. Despite the level and variety of decoration, it was all so thoughtfully arranged that the place somehow avoided looking gaudy or overwrought.

"Your home is very lovely," Aloy commented as they came to a halt where the hallway intersected another room. Something about leaving silence between them made her throat itch with the overwhelming need to fill it.

"None of it is my doing, I'm afraid," Ligan replied with a pleasant laugh. "This was all Sahidi's work, and I haven't moved a single bauble since her passing. Don't have the impeccable eye for it she did."

Aloy nodded mutely, as unsure of what to say as she usually was when Nil's mother was brought up.

Thankfully, Ligan dropped the subject, sweeping an arm towards the adjoining room instead. "The dining room is right through here. Feel free to choose your seat - there's no need to practice the usual decorum amongst family, hm? I'll be a moment while I check on one of the servants in the kitchen."

"No need to hide the fact that you keep slaves from the Nora savage," Aloy bit out before she could stop herself. 

Her brain caught up with her careless words a second later, but before she could form a single word of what would assuredly be an awkward attempt at smoothing things over, Ligan shook his head and chuckled.

"Slaves? Oh, no. I can assure you that all three of my staff members are here of their own accord and paid well." He flashed a charming, far too recognizable grin at her. "And you, my dear, are anything but a savage."

"Oh." Aloy blinked once. "My apologies - "

"With how most of the nobility behaves, I can't blame you for thinking that way, of course," Ligan interjected. "If you want my actual viewpoint on the matter, well...I've heard that you've become close friends with my young ward. That, along with what I hope are still Sahad's opinions, should tell you enough.

"Your...ward," she said slowly. "Wait - are you talking about Talanah? Talanah Khane Padish? _You're_ Talanah's guardian?"

"I am indeed," he answered with a curt nod and a knowing smile.

"You - you're the one who helps her get them out of the city!" Aloy sputtered. 

"And if they prefer to stay in Meridian, I offer them employment and shelter," Ligan added. "I trust you understand why this information is sensitive and cannot leave this household, Aloy."

She nodded hurriedly. "Of course. I'd never tell a soul."

"If Talanah and Sahad trust you, then so do I." Ligan tilted his head to the side. "Now, please. Find a seat, and I will be back shortly with our meal."

The nobleman strode off at once. Her mind whirling with all she had just learned - yet more strange revelations - Aloy wandered over to the sublimely set table and collapsed into the first chair she could find in a distinctly unladylike manner.

It was yet another puzzle solved. So many things made sense now - most of all, Nil's initial reaction when she had asked him if she could go hunting with Talanah.

_"Her guardian. How could I have forgotten - yes. I suppose he would be there, wouldn't he."_

She now understood why he had reacted the way he had, as well as why he and Talanah had omitted this piece of information from her. It was a sensitive subject, one neither her husband or her friend had wanted to dwell on, and she understood. She did. 

Still, this knowledge didn't stop a tiny pang of hurt from pricking at the eternal wound in her heart.

Once again, Aloy the outcast had been left in the dark.

By the time Ligan returned with a bulky middle-aged man trailing behind him balancing several platters, she had managed to compose herself enough to give the appearance of propriety - or how she had observed other noblewoman acting, at least. 

"I hope you like stuffed goose," Ligan said as he settled down in the seat across from her. Even in his advanced age, his movements were as measured and as graceful as his son's, and Aloy's lips quirked with an involuntary smile at the similarity. "Talanah mentioned that you enjoyed turkey, so I figured another sort of fowl would be appropriate."

"Goose is fine." She bit her lip. "I mean, it's great. I like it. Where is she, actually? Talanah."

Ligan appeared pleased, at least. "I'm glad to hear it. As far as Talanah goes, she's spending some time at the Palace as she often does, presumably with the young Sun-Princes."

The metal platters clinked musically on the table as the servant set them down. The room remained silent as he carved into the tender meat of the goose, depositing a neatly cut slice onto Ligan's plate and then onto Aloy's before turning to his employer.

"Is there anything else you require of me, sir?"

"No, thank you, Fergeld. You're dismissed."

With a quick bow, the large man exited back into the hallway.

There was little conversation as the pair tucked into their respective meals, something she was relieved to find that Ligan didn't seem to mind - much like Nil hadn't during their first weeks together when quiet between them was the norm. The goose and all of its trimmings were as delicious as anything Aloy had eaten since she had come to Meridian, and she briefly wondered if she was becoming spoiled for the simpler palette of Nora cuisine. Out of what she hoped was politeness, she made sure to try a little bit of everything - although for someone with tastes as indiscriminate as hers, this was no great feat. 

"So," Ligan began as the they took their final bites. "I thought I might ask you a few questions. If it wouldn't bother you."

Relaxed enough in his presence now for some of her initial stiffness to have loosened, Aloy shrugged. "Sure. I don't mind."

His gaze was intent. "Sahad. Tell me, does he treat you well?"

Well, Ligan definitely didn't waste any time in getting to the point.

"It might be a surprise to you, but yes, actually. He's been more than kind." If there was a touch of defensiveness in Aloy's tone, she didn't care.

"Good." Ligan steepled his fingers on the table in front of him. "I'll admit, I was concerned after what I saw at the wedding."

"It's all an act," she said flatly. "He's doing it to protect both of us from that monster you call a king."

"I had my suspicions, but it's nice to hear them confirmed," he sighed. "That also leads me to believe that he's not as lost as I had once assumed."

"He never was," Aloy shot back, unable to keep the bite from her tongue. "From what I understand, you gave up on him, and all that did was make him worse."

Instead of bristling at her words as she might have expected, Ligan seemed to shrink in on himself. Weariness lurked in every wrinkle on his face.

"I know that, Aloy. Trust me, I know. Does he know that you're here?"

"Of course. I wouldn't keep this from him."

Surprise spread over his face. "And he was amenable to that?"

"He doesn't hold my leash, if that's what you're implying," she snapped. "He was upset, yes, but he has no control over what I do or where I go. Regardless of what you think of your son, I'd appreciate it if you didn't imply that he's somehow hurting me."

Ligan held up his hands. "Peace, Aloy. I never intended to allude to anything of the sort."

Crossing her arms over her chest, she waited for him to elaborate. Ligan took a deep breath and then dropped his hands to the table.

"Our history is long and complicated, and context in this situation may be of aid, especially since I'm assuming that Sahad hasn't spoken much of what happened."

"No, and I didn't think it was right to press him about it," she responded tersely.

"That was wise of you," Ligan acknowledged. 

"But…" Aloy eased up, just a bit. "I'll listen to what you have to say. If only for his sake."

"Then I shall start at the beginning." He leaned back in his chair, angling his head back thoughtfully. "Sahidi and I were betrothed not by our own choice, as I'm sure you know is custom among the higher-born nobles."

Aloy snorted. "Talanah explained that much to me, as ridiculous as it is."

"Still, I was besotted almost immediately." There was a faint, far-off smile tugging at Ligan's lips. "It took her more time, but eventually we grew to love each other deeply. By the time Sahad was born, we were as happy as any other young family. And Sahidi...she adored our son. Doted on him day and night, refused a nursemaid - an unusual choice for a lady of her station. And as he grew, Sahad loved her just as much in return. Her little shadow, she often called him."

An image formed in Aloy's mind then, of an indistinctly beautiful woman rocking a tiny baby with a crop of jet black hair to sleep at her breast. Her throat closed up.

"Sahidi...Sahad...he's named after her, isn't he?" she managed to ask.

"Yes," Ligan confirmed. "It was by her request, and how could I refuse? She lit up in a way that made her more radiant than the Sun itself when the three of us were together. We were all so happy then."

His smile broke and then dropped, and Aloy braced herself. 

She already knew how this story ended.

"Sahad was eight years old when we found out that she was with child again. Rather than growing jealous as many other younglings his age have a tendency to, he was thrilled with the prospect of a younger brother or sister. He would lay his head on her stomach and speak to the unborn child, sometimes for an hour or more. Sahidi never minded, of course. She only burned brighter and more beautifully." Grief creased the corners of Ligan's eyes. "When Sahad was nine, both his mother and the baby passed upon her birth. I lost my wife and my daughter within minutes of each other, and I realize now that this was the precursor to losing my son as well."

Tears burned in Aloy's eyes, and she wiped them away hurriedly, before Ligan could see.

He heaved a heavy sigh. "Sahad was...inconsolable. He shut himself off from me - from everything, really. Perhaps he would have mended in time, if not for the old Sun-King's mandate."

"For every family, a male child to be enlisted into service," Aloy recalled.

"Yes. And it was only a few short months later that the summons came." Ligan lifted his gaze to stare at Aloy pleadingly. "Please believe me that I tried everything I could to relieve him from it. I called in every favor I was owed, attempted to bargain, bribe, offer whatever I could - but it wasn't enough. I risked being branded a traitor to all the Sundom if I refused to joyfully deliver my son into the hands of those who would turn him into an instrument meant only for killing."

The fact was, Aloy _did_ believe him. And she was beginning to understand that nothing about this situation was simple.

"And so with a final embrace and kiss, I dropped my only child and heir off outside of the city barracks at the tender age of ten," Ligan continued, his eyes steeling. "He was allowed a sole weekend a month to come home. At first, I didn't notice anything unusual. He was as he had been since his mother's death, if slightly more subdued. But as time wore on, as he grew closer to adulthood - his sixteenth year to us Carja - I began to notice a change in him, and it frightened me."

"A change?" Aloy prompted.

"There was this vicious streak that hadn't been there before. His mother had always had a temper that burned as hot as flame, and at first, I assumed it was simply him taking after her. But it grew to be more than that - by the time he entered his second decade, he spoke of killing as fondly as one might a dear friend. Apparently, he had a talent and a relish for it I hadn't anticipated in a boy who had once been so mild-mannered. With Jiran on the throne and the raids on the other tribes growing more frequent, he rose through the ranks quickly." Ligan gripped the edge of the table. "I heard stories...horrible tales of the bloody feats my son had performed on the battlefield. Many congratulated me for producing such a fine soldier who brought much glory to the Sundom. I only despaired."

"What was it, then?" Aloy asked after a tense moment of silence. "After all that, what made you finally cut ties with him?"

Scarcely daring to breathe, she waited for his response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY for the mild cliffhanger, but to be fair, this was originally supposed to be one chapter, but there was so much I wanted to do with this encounter between Aloy and Ligan that it basically doubled in length. Whoops.
> 
> Speaking of which, I've updated the chapter count to 28, which means 26 + epilogue and cover. I wasn't happy with the flow and emotional impact of the last few chapters, so I reworked that part of the outline, and it added several. More of this story for you, I suppose!
> 
> See yinz next week!


	14. Chapter 13

Ligan dropped his eyes to his hands, as though he were ashamed. "I'm aware that Talanah has told you about the massacre of my fellow Hawks of the Hunter's Lodge, where she lost her brother and father. That day, I also lost many a dear friend, her family among them. So when Sahad came home a few days later, speaking of a great battle at Cinnabar Sands and his role in it, I could not bear to hear of any more bloodshed or death. In my sorrow and helpless rage, I told him to leave and to never come back. The look in his eye...it was like he had regressed back that frightened little boy who had just lost his mother." He sagged in his chair, looking more fragile than she had yet seen him. "I realized too late that he had not come to me to brag, but to plead for absolution."

"I've heard of this battle before," Aloy frowned. "But what I was told of it doesn't match up to what you've described. It painted Sahad as - triumphant. Thrilled with the destruction he had caused."

"The truth has become twisted by hearsay, just like everything else in this damned city - pardon my language," Ligan said bitterly. "Aloy, he was the sole survivor of that battle. In one day, he lost every last soldier under his command, along with nearly every friend he had made over the previous decade. And I was too proud to see how much it had destroyed him, and how it solidified the terror he has become."

Aloy wrapped her arms around herself as tightly as she could, because if she didn't, she felt as though she might come undone.

"And so, here we are." Ligan bowed his head. "I take responsibility for my part in all of this. It may be selfish, but all I want now is my son back. I'd do just about anything to have that happen."

She could have been furious on behalf of her husband. She could have gotten up and left, never to return. But as she studied Ligan, a man whose requests she had every right to refuse, all she saw was a broken old man who had lost almost everything good in his life - some by circumstance, some by his own actions. And then she thought about Nil and his refusal to even try to mend these severed ties, not to mention his balking at his potential for change, and Aloy realized too that he wasn't entirely without fault. Theirs was a horrible situation borne out of tragedy and circumstance, but that didn't mean it was irreparable. 

Yesterday, Nil had been wrong. What was broken could always be fixed, and although it may not be as it once was, it could perhaps become something new.

Still...

"A question," Aloy said, finally loosening her hold on herself. "I asked Sahad this, and he didn't have a real answer. Why now? Why me?"

Ligan's brow wrinkled. "I thought that would be obvious."

"Not really."

"You're closer than anyone has been to him in years, Aloy. Talanah has told me how fondly you speak of him. The fact that he took you hunting of his own accord, the implications of such a daring move, and now seeing you rise to his defense - I thought that, in time, perhaps you two…" Seeming to catch himself, he shook his head. "He cares for you, I'm certain. With such a positive influence in his life, I believe that he could be set upon the right path."

"It shouldn't have had to come to this, Ligan," Aloy said, feeling more weary than anything else by now. "You shouldn't have to rely on someone else you barely know to accomplish what you're too afraid to."

"I'm more than aware of that." He leaned towards her over the table. "I have no right to ask it of you, but _please_ , Aloy. I will kneel before you and beg if I must. Please do what you can to bring him back. He doesn't have to speak with me ever again, but the knowledge that he's found some measure of happiness and healing would be enough for me. It's what any parent desires for their child, and more than that...it would mean that I didn't fail my beloved Sahidi, not entirely."

Aloy angled her chin up. "There's no need to beg. I came to this decision on my own, and it wasn't for you. It was for Sahad, because he deserves better than the lot he's been given in life."

_We both do._

Ligan exhaled, a slow draining of air that had him deflating in relief. "Thank you. You have no idea what the depths of my gratitude are for your role in this."

She thought of Rost, of her own lost and unknown mother - of what it might be like to have hope for a family again. "Actually, I think I do."

Cleaving the quiet of the evening in two, a bell began sounding in the distance. Aloy shot to her feet when the last chime sounded.

"The eighth bell," she realized. "I need to be getting home. I told Sahad - "

"Don't let me keep you," Ligan interrupted, rising to his feet as well. "But first...if it's not too much trouble, I have a final favor to ask of you."

"What is it?" Aloy asked, not bothering to attempt to keep either the wariness or the impatience from her tone.

He bowed his head. "One moment, if you please."

Ligan stepped out of the room only briefly, and when he returned, he was cradling something in his arms as carefully as if it were a newborn child. Aloy's curiosity must have been written all over her face, because he held it up for her to examine in the next moment. It was a small golden vase, painstakingly etched with complicated patterns and studded with a rainbow of tiny gems that glittered prettily under the lamp light.

"I want you to give this to Sahad."

When he held it out, she took it, surprised by how light it was. "Sure. But what is it? Some sort of keepsake belonging to Sahidi?"

"It's an urn. Inside is half of what remains of his mother and his sister," Ligan explained, his voice strained. "I should have done this a long time ago, because he deserves to carry a piece of them with him too."

Her heart seized painfully at the magnitude of what she held, and Aloy clutched the vessel to her breast protectively. "I can do that."

Ligan swept his eyes over her as though he was evaluating the truth of her words, then nodded slowly. "Good, good. Now, if you'll follow me, I'll see you out."

He led her back to the front door, leaning against the frame and watching as she stepped into the street. Before she could get very far, however, Ligan called out to her.

"Aloy!" 

She twisted back around to find her father-in-law gazing at her with so much hope that it seemed to spill out of his body and into the air surrounding him. For a moment, she felt as though some of it had reached her, too.

"Thank you, daughter. For all that you've done, and for all that you've yet to do." 

With a dip of her head as acknowledgement, Aloy turned and started back home, her heart paradoxically lighter and heavier than it had been when she had first come here.

The house was almost totally dark by the time she made it back, all but for a dim light shining out from the window in Nil's room. She stared up at it for a few heartbeats, wondering what she could possibly say to him about what had transpired this evening. Then, gathering herself as much as she could, Aloy closed the gap between herself and the front door. On the way, however, a flash of green caught her eye through the last light of the dying day.

With muted satisfaction, Aloy realized that the roses had finally sprouted.

The urn seemed to grow heavier in her arms with every step she took up the stairs and closer to Nil. Her heavy task at the forefront of her mind, she raised her hand to knock on a door for the second time that day.

There was silence, and then: "Come in."

Hesitantly, Aloy pushed into the room. Nil was lying on his back with his hands clasped over his chest and his eyes trained on the ceiling. His entire being seemed to resonate with a nervous energy, and it took several seconds for him to finally look at her.

"Aloy," he said dully. "You're home."

She took a single step towards him. "I am."

His eyes trailed down to the precious burden she carried, creasing with confusion. Aloy cleared her throat, then gestured to the bed.

"May I?"

Nil rose into a sitting position gradually and gracefully. "Of course. Please." 

He waited until she had settled down gingerly on the edge of the bed before he finally asked, "What do you have there? Is the old man now attempting to bribe me with some expensive family heirloom?"

There was the usual biting humor present in his voice, but this time, it was mixed with cold notes of fear.

"No." Aloy swallowed. "No, it's not a bribe, Nil - Sahad. Not at all."

She held the vessel out to him then. Confusion overcame him as he took it.

Once he had judged its weight, however, painful realization bloomed over his face.

"It's an urn. Inside, there are ashes."

There was a sharp gasp followed by a low, agonized noise, as though the knowledge of what he held had physically wounded him.

"Mother," he whispered, his voice breaking over the word as he brushed his thumbs over the cool metal surface tenderly. "Mama. And...little one."

When Nil finally looked at her, his grey eyes were over-bright, and Aloy found that hers were a little wet, too.

"Your father wanted you to have something of her and your little sister," she said, clearing her constricted throat. "He told me everything, and I think he wants...he really wants to try."

He fixed his attention back to the urn, turning it over in his hands several times, running his fingers over each lovingly carved decoration, every painstakingly set jewel. The vision of his face crumpled with sorrow and yearning was almost too much for her to bear, but Aloy endured it as steadfastly as she had every other difficulty in her life. In this moment, she knew that he needed her to stay by his side, and she wasn't about to let him down like so many others had.

"Do you know why it is, Aloy," Nil said, his voice quiet but steady, "that I keep my hair long?"

Perplexed by the sudden change in subject, she frowned. "No? You've never mentioned it. I just assumed it was a personal choice, because from what I've seen, it's not unusual among Carja men."

"Oh, don't mistake me - it's very personal." A faint smile touched his lips. "It's because my mother _adored_ my hair. She loved touching it, playing with it, and especially braiding it. When she died, I kept it just the way she liked it as a way to honor her. In fact, once I was enlisted in the military, I let go of most of my personal possessions, but I kept my hair. It's the dearest thing I own."

"I see." Worrying at her bottom lip, Aloy stared down at her hands as she twisted them in her lap. There was little in the way of comfort she could offer him, but perhaps… "You know, Nil, I'm pretty good at braiding hair."

When she glanced up at him, she was relieved to find that his eyebrows were raised in amusement, banishing most of his anguish for now.

"Well, with hair like yours and what I know of Nora grooming habits, I kind of figured."

"I could braid yours," Aloy offered. "If it would help." At his initial silence, self-consciousness welled up in her. "Of course, if you don't want me to, that's fine too. It's probably a little childish - "

"No, it's not. Not at all," Nil interrupted hoarsely. "I'd love that, actually."

He eased the urn onto his bedside table with infinite care, then maneuvered himself around until his back was to Aloy. Rucking up the frustratingly long skirt of her dress, she shifted more onto the bed herself, crossing her legs and studying the length of his hair. It was still tied up in the usual Strider's tail he wore when leaving the house to attend to his duties, so she reached up to let it free. It tumbled down Nil's bare back in sooty locks, coming to rest over the light tan of his skin and reminding her of thunderclouds rolling over the desert.

Her hands may have been a tad shaky when she lifted them to run her fingers through the strands and tease out any tangles. Nil didn't seem to notice, however; he merely tilted his head back and gave a soft sigh of contentment, and Aloy's lips quirked where she noticed his eyes had slid halfway shut.

"So," she began conversationally in an attempt to lighten the mood, "What sort of styles did she favor for you?"

"Oh, all kinds," Nil mused as she separated a chunk of his hair from the rest. "But I think her favorite was a couple of braids on either side, then tying all of it together in one big Strider's tail. Especially for court events when we were all dressed in our finest. Sometimes, when we danced together at those, she would twirl me around and call me her 'handsome little nobleman'."

"I bet that was embarrassing for you at the time," Aloy said wryly, beginning to weave his hair into the first braid.

"Not as much as you might think," he said with a shrug. "I was never embarrassed when it came to how much I loved my mother." 

She hummed. "From what I remember, from around that age and up until I was about sixteen, everything Rost did was embarrassing to me, even though there was never anyone around to see it. It's funny how silly all of that seems now."

"And funny how you'd give just about anything to go back in time to relive it all again, if even for a single day," Nil said wistfully.

Aloy didn't realize that her grip on his hair had tightened until her husband gave a hiss of pain. 

She loosened her hold at once, hastily finishing up the braid. "Shit. Sorry."

As she tugged a bead out of her own hair and used it to secure the plait, Nil angled his head back towards her.

"I suppose I ought to get the Behemoth in the room out of the way now," he sighed. "I can tell that my father is serious if he gave you my mother's ashes to hand off to me, and it's left me wondering what transpired between you two this evening."

Aloy's hands stilled in the midst of separating more of his hair. "Are you sure? A lot's happened tonight, and I'm willing to wait to talk about this."

"Please, Aloy." Nil's face was full of more pleading than she'd ever seen from him. "I want to - need to know."

"Fine. He told me everything that happened, from before you were born to your falling out after Cinnabar Sands." Absentmindedly, she combed her fingers through a lock of hair.

Nil tensed beneath her touch. "Ah. Tell me, what did he say about that day? That I was out of control? That my existence was a mistake? That I'm a murderous wretch who doesn't deserve to carry the Argir name, much less his mother's?"

Aloy stilled. "He said all of those things to you?"

"Oh, yes," he hissed. "That and much, much more."

Her temper snarled inside of her, horror and fury both churning in her guts, and she knew she had to get a hold of herself before it blinded her to reason. Drawing in a deep, centering breath, Aloy willed herself to calm.

"No. He obviously didn't." Her fingers got to work again weaving his hair together, and it helped to ground her further. "What he did tell me is how much he regrets what happened that day - and what happened before, for that matter - and how much it all continues to torment him."

Nil coughed out a disbelieving laugh. "How much it torments _him_? I was left with no one. No family, no friends, not even my men." Bitter resignation weighed down his next words. "Although I suppose it's fitting for someone as far removed from humanity as myself to be left alone."

"It was the same for him, Nil," she reminded him. "Ligan didn't have anyone left either."

"But he had what I didn't: a choice," he said flatly. "He chose to disown his only child, and as far as I'm concerned, he made this bed for himself. If lying in it has only brought him misery, that's his burden to bear."

"But he's trying to fix things. Like you said, the urn is proof enough of that," Aloy protested. "When do you move on from all that happened?" 

"I don't know. Perhaps I never will." Nil's shoulders sagged, as though a heavy burden had been laid across them. "And honestly, it's for the best. The fewer people around me, the less risk there is for someone to get hurt."

"But you want to be around others, don't you?" she said quietly. "And that's the hell of it. It's hurting you to be so set apart."

Nil said nothing in reply.

Everything in Aloy cried out for her to do something, anything, so she loosened her fingers until his hair fell from it and slid down his back like spilled ink. Then, ignoring all of her reservations, all of her worries that seemed so selfish now, she bent forward and wound her arms around his neck loosely, lowering her head until it was pressed against his shoulder. It would be easier this way, with him unable to see her face and the way it filled with blood at his nearness. Nil froze beneath her.

"I know what it's like, Sahad," she murmured. "Better than anyone else. I lived that way my entire life. Watching everyone around you able to enjoy the company of others, envying experiences as meaningless as small talk with a stranger. Simple things which people take for granted. After awhile, you even start to get jealous of the conflicts, the fights. It's a horrible, lonely existence, isn't it?"

"Yes," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"You know, coming here to Meridian has been one of the worst things that's ever happened to me," Aloy continued. "But at the same time, it's been one of the best. I'm constantly made aware that most of the city loathes my existence, but that's nothing new to me. What matters is that, for the first time, I've found people who want to be around me. I've finally experienced what friendship is like." Her hold on him tightened. "Most of all, from you. Even if I didn't see it that way at first."

"Aloy…" His voice was tight with pain.

"It probably makes me selfish," she chuckled wetly. "I miss Rost like crazy and I want more than anything to see him again, but his absence doesn't ache the way it used to. I don't think about him every minute of every hour of every day anymore. Instead, I've started to look forward to outings with Kadaman, Talanah, and Avad. I've started to look forward to the sun setting, because it means you'll soon be home."

Nil shuddered beneath her. "You don't know why you're here, do you?"

"What do you mean?" Aloy lifted her head from him.

"It's my fault you were even brought here," he said miserably. "You, this marriage...they were meant to be a punishment for me."

"Oh, that's all?" She shrugged. "I already knew that. Jiran made that very clear at court."

"Aloy, you don't understand." Nil attempted to wriggle out of her hold, but she only held him closer, until he gave up with an exasperated huff. "You're here entirely because of my own actions. Because I refused to obey a direct order, your entire life was changed inexorably for the worse."

"Stop that," she muttered, resting her head against him once again. He was warm, comfortable, and still had need of her presence, so she wasn't about to loosen her hold just yet. "I just finished telling you that it hasn't been all bad, and besides, it's not like you stole me out of the Sacred Lands yourself. Adding the marriage to the treaty was Jiran's idea, not yours."

He bowed his head. "It doesn't matter. I tried to go against my orders and do the right thing, just once, and it only birthed more misery. This is why I don't make decisions for myself."

"The right thing…" That tiny spark of hope she kept nurtured in her heart flared. "What was this thing you did, Nil?"

"I was ordered to slaughter a couple of Nora children on my last raid," he said. "I couldn't bear it. I couldn't look into their frightened little faces and steal their lives away. What honor, what glory is there in killing those who can't defend themselves? Instead, I created an opening for them to escape, and I was found out. If I had been anyone else, I would have been slaughtered in the Sun-Ring immediately upon my return to Meridian. But I suppose Jiran still saw use for me, so he elected to punish me in a different way. At my hearing, he told me that if I loved animals this much, I should have one for my wife." His voice began to waver. "It's a punishment, all right, although not in the way he believes. The truth is, Aloy, I would have rather faced execution a thousand times over than have ripped you away from home and all you've ever loved. I'm a lost cause, while you hold all of the potential in the world."

"You're wrong," Aloy responded fiercely. "About everything. None of this, none of what happened to me was your fault. What you did was _good_ \- it was more than good, actually. It was heroic. You risked your life to help those who couldn't fight back, and you know what? You can do it again."

"But - "

"Please, Sahad," she said, holding him tighter and squeezing her eyes shut. "If I'm all that you claim me to be, listen to me. Trust me and my judgement."

Something settled over one of her hands then, and Aloy realized that he had covered it with one of his own. 

"Oh, Aloy." Nil heaved a heavy sigh. "You're far too good for someone such as me. I told you once that I'm glad it was you who became my wife, and every minute I spend in your presence only makes me more certain of that fact."

"Maybe." The ghost of a smile appeared on her lips. "Or maybe we're both exactly what the other needed. For the record, I'm glad it was you, too."

Nil leaned back into her, just for a moment. "I do trust you, more than I've trusted anyone else since mother died. Perhaps I should take that to heart from now on."

"You're damn right you should."

With one last squeeze, Aloy reluctantly unwound herself from around him. The emptiness she felt in the absence of his touch was immediate, and she had to resist the urge to fill it by either wrapping her arms around him again or even worse - stooping to the frankly embarrassing level of hugging herself.

"Still want to finish up those braids?" Nil asked, rolling his head back to look at her. "If you don't want to, I understand. This evening has been fraught with all manner of stressful situations, to say the least, and you deserve rest."

"You should know by now that I don't make a habit of leaving things unfinished," Aloy replied primly, picking up the mostly unwoven hair she had been working on previously.

Nil gifted her with her favorite crooked grin, looking sillier than usual with his face nearly upside down. "I'd encourage you to retire for the night, but if I'm honest, I was hoping you'd say that. I'm very selfishly enjoying your company here."

"Then I won't leave until I finish with your hair," she declared, tugging at the half finished braid for good measure. "Although if I stay, you do have to promise me one thing."

His expression changed from mirth to affectionate regard, and her heart skipped a beat in response. "For you, anything."

"Promise me you'll think about working things out with your father." Before he could protest, Aloy silenced him with a stern look. "I'm not asking you to do it today or tomorrow or anytime soon. But both of you have faced enough hardship for one lifetime, and neither of you deserve to be burdened with more."

"I suppose I can at least _consider_ it," Nil said, resigned. "But I can't promise that it will happen."

"That's all I ask for."

"Then for you, I shall endeavor to use my time wisely." His voice, rather than carrying his usual casual wit, was as serious as she had ever heard it, and Aloy decided that maybe she could start trusting him too.

It hit her then that she might have found a solution to the conundrum which had consumed her since the hunting trip - an answer that she scarcely wanted to admit to herself, much less place her fragile hopes in. It would all depend on Nil and how far he was willing to go to redeem himself for the atrocities he had helped to inflict in his tenure as a soldier. Only time and life or death circumstance would tell what those limits were. 

But if he was serious about his intentions, if he was serious in his trust and devotion to her, Aloy might just have found a way to not only fulfill the task the Matriarchs had bestowed upon her, but maybe even also have discovered an opportunity to turn the tide of the war.

There was no telling now, however, what the outcome might be, and it was useless to fret over it in this moment of peace. Instead, Aloy busied herself with her husband's mane once again, marveling at the silkiness of the long strands and how smoothly it wove into plaits. In no time at all, Nil had several small braids scattered throughout his hair. Picking up the hair tie she had set aside earlier, she gathered up every last lock into one big Strider's tail, using the woven band of fabric to secure it. Her task completed, she leaned back and studied her work with a frown.

Apparently sensing that she was done, Nil scooted around on the bed until he was facing her. 

Aloy couldn't help herself. She stared.

"Well?" he asked, a knowing smirk on his lips. "How do I look, huntress? I'm not quite wealthy enough to own a looking glass, so I'll need to take your word for it."

Logically, Aloy knew that her husband was an attractive man. Between the piercing silver of his eyes, the angle of his cheekbones, and the fine sculpt of his body, most people would, at the very least, find him aesthetically pleasing. Even so, appearances were normally something she paid very little attention to, being of no material use to her. Even when her hatred of him had faded, she had based her entire opinion of him on who he was rather than what he looked like. 

But now, with his hair done up in a familiar style - one very similar to what a male Nora Brave might wear, actually - she found that this aspect of him was, very inconveniently, impossible to ignore. 

_Especially_ with the way Nil was looking at her - a mixture of gentle teasing and softness that had a riot of butterflies exploding into a frenzy in her belly. 

_You look good. Too good, actually. So good that it's doing things to me that I barely understand, and the worst part is that I don't entirely hate it_ , was what she wanted to say.

"You look fine," Aloy said instead. 

Despite her tepid words, Nil beamed at her as though she'd given him a precious gift.

"High praise coming from you, my lovely little wife. Why, I must be the most beautiful man in all the Sundom to have earned such a glowing compliment! It's a shame that I'll have to take these out so soon."

"I'm not lovely _or_ little, my giant pain in the ass husband," she intoned.

Nil sniffed. "Compared to me, you are absolutely both, and I refuse to change my opinion on that."

"Whatever." Aloy rolled her eyes, then started to pick herself up off his bed. "If we're done here, I'd like to settle in for the night. Today was exhausting."

"Well, I understand that," he drawled. "Go on, then. Take your leave."

As she moved past him, however, Nil captured her hand in his for a final time.

"But first, allow me to thank you for spending so much time with me tonight." His expression had become sedate and thoughtful. "Your company has helped me more than I could ever express."

In the face of his naked gratitude, she softened as well. "You're welcome. And if you need me in the future…" Aloy angled her head towards the door. "You know where to find me."

Keeping his eyes bolted to hers, Nil brought her hand up towards his face, just barely brushing his lips over the smooth, freckled skin. 

"Goodnight, Aloy," he murmured.

With her heart attempting to beat its way up into her throat, she only managed to force out a nod once he had released her from his gentle grasp.

"Goodnight, Nil."

Without a second glance, Aloy turned and pushed out of his room and into the hallway - because if she spent another moment in the presence of her husband, she wasn't sure she'd be able to leave at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so apparently I need to apologize for calling that cliffhanger last week mild. 😂 In my defense, it's mild compared to one later in the story...well, you'll see.
> 
> Re: Nil refusing to kill the Nora children - Janeva mentions in the game that Nil has always had a sense of honor, and I wanted to use that concept in this and explore what that might look like, especially since he's directly contrasted with the "butchers of the Sun-Ring" (which to me, seems to be a direct contrast to Helis specifically). The fact that he's actually extremely picky about who he engages with despite his intense love of killing is part of what makes him such an interesting character!
> 
> Anyway, see yinz next week for a fun get together involving friends and alcohol! 😉 And maybe some more relationship development between these two...


	15. Chapter 14

"I think you're going to be excited when you hear what I have planned for us tonight," Nil said in a sing-songy voice.

Raising her head from her latest project - crafting a brand new spear - Aloy scowled at her husband with as much irritation as she could muster. He had already shattered her concentration once by arriving home hours early and slamming open the front door with a jubilant greeting, causing her to jump and a mess of parts to spill all over the floor. Needless to say, she wasn't exactly feeling tolerant of his eccentricities at the moment.

"Probably not, especially since I apparently don't get a say in it," she grumbled.

"Don't assume what spoils you'll receive before the kill," Nil chided. "This is something you've been wanting to do for awhile now, and I managed to talk my way into getting my duties relieved tomorrow to make it happen."

That had Aloy perking up. "Another hunt?"

"I should have known you were going to assume that," he sighed, deflating slightly. "No, no, huntress. Not a hunt. But something almost as fun."

"Then I have no idea what you're talking about, and I probably don't really care," she said matter-of-factly, returning to her pile of parts.

Nil slapped a hand over his ample chest. "Beloved wife, you wound me. Won't you at least hear me out?"

Aloy rolled her eyes. "Fine. Make it quick."

"Your wonderful husband managed to convince Talanah, Avad, and Kadaman to come by this evening," he announced proudly, sliding into the chair across from her. "Well, I suppose there wasn't much convincing on Kadaman's part. Especially when I asked him to bring the older vintages of wine from the Sun Palace stores."

"Oh." She set her spear down, frowning. "That's actually...nice."

"I know. I've been trying to find a way to make it happen for you." 

Nil stared at her expectantly, and Aloy's surly demeanor finally broke. Fighting a grin, she crossed her arms and leaned back in her own chair.

"Fine. You were right. That _is_ almost as good as hunting. Good job, Nil."

The way he lit up in response to even mild praise was enough to get a fond smile out of her. Aloy wasn't above admitting that she was stingy with her compliments, but his reaction made it well worth it everytime. 

Two weeks had passed since her encounter with Ligan, and it was like an invisible barrier had been lifted between them. Aloy would often follow Nil up to his room as the night wound down, where they'd spread out together on his ridiculously large bed (at her teasing, he had expressed that he enjoyed _some_ excesses he hadn't had access to while living in the barracks) talking and relaxing in each other's company until her eyes grew too heavy to hold open. Now that she was fully comfortable in her husband's presence, she found it difficult to stomach being alone when he was around, and this had her lingering later and later into the evening.

The best part was that Nil didn't seem to mind any of it - especially not the way casual touch had grown commonplace between them. The comforting brush of his fingers over her arm here, a steadying hand on her lower waist there, and once Aloy had even placed a pillow on his legs and laid her head there while he read her passages from some kind of obnoxious serialized story he had admitted was a guilty pleasure of his. 

What was especially bewildering to Aloy was how quickly she grew accustomed to this new aspect of their relationship. And not just that - she had actually begun to crave his touch, that physical reassurance that he cared for her as much as he claimed. Honestly, she wasn't quite sure if this was a good or bad thing and was beginning to wonder if that really mattered in light of how content she had become.

As she eyed his hand where it sat innocently on the table, her own fingers flexed with the want to reach out and grab it, but she managed to quell that impulse for now. Best not to press her luck with something still so fresh and fragile.

"So." Aloy cleared her throat. "What time can we expect our friends?"

Nil's gaze slid to the window, where the late afternoon sun was streaming in and scattered by the metal of his mother and baby sister's urn. "I'd say they should arrive in a couple of hours. You have some time to prepare yourself."

"Prepare myself?" she asked, raising a brow. "You sound like you're expecting a fight."

"Well, you never know when Kadaman is involved," he mused. "He has a tendency to become belligerent over the strangest things when he drinks."

"I've noticed you two have a tendency to apply qualities of yourself to the other, actually," Aloy quipped. "Which means I should probably watch out for _you_."

"No, no." Nil waved her off. "I'm the cheerful sort of drunkard. Why waste the good mood alcohol inspires on pettiness? In any case, that wasn't what I was referring to. I meant that you may want to take the time for yourself, perhaps even have a nap. These nights do often drag on."

"I'll take your word for it, but I don't think that will be necessary. It's not like I do anything particularly exciting most days."

"As you wish." With a wide yawn and a stretch, Nil rose out of his seat. "As for myself, I believe I'll take that nap. An early day doesn't leave much energy by the Sun's setting."

"Oh." Aloy sat back, fighting the disappointment that was welling up in her chest. "Okay. I guess I'll see you in a bit, then."

A sly grin spread over his face like oil. "You're welcome to join me, if you'd like."

By now, he had to know the effect his words would have on her, and sure enough, Aloy's cheeks pinked in response.

"I think I'll pass. It wouldn't be very restful anyway, with you spreading out all over me and snoring in my ear," she replied tartly. 

Nil shrugged as he headed towards the stairs. "Your loss."

It wasn't until Aloy heard the door close upstairs that she admitted to herself that she might have actually been just a _smidge_ tempted by his offer.

"Ridiculous," she muttered to herself, picking up a length of twine. "He wasn't serious anyway."

Despite her obviously correct rationalizations, her traitorous mind latched onto the possibility that Nil had been serious. And despite her reservations and her lack of sleepiness, it might have been nice to snuggle up against him for a spell - to drowse with his solid warmth and comfort at her back, to have the weight of his arm curled securely around her waist, to maybe even feel all of that heat and hardness pressing against her backside like it had the morning they had woken up together in the tent - 

"No!" Aloy yelped, leaping to her feet. 

Seconds later, something came crashing down the stairs at a breakneck speed, and Nil - now only half-dressed - appeared, his face painted with panic and worry both.

"Aloy? What's wrong? I heard you cry out - "

"Nothing!" she snapped. He startled, and she managed to reel herself back in. "Nothing. I, ah, pinched a finger in one of my tools. Sorry. I'll try to keep it down."

With a sigh of relief, Nil carded his fingers through his hair roughly. "Good. Don't apologize. I'm glad it was nothing serious. Did you need me to look at it? Did you need a bandage or anything?"

"No, I'm fine," Aloy said hastily. "Really. Go take your nap."

Nil didn't look terribly convinced, but after a quick once over to ascertain that she was indeed still in one piece, he shrugged and turned to head back up the stairs.

Once she heard his door shut yet again, Aloy let out a miserable groan, slumped in her chair, and buried her head in her hands.

"What's happening to me?" she whispered.

Diving back into her work took longer than usual, but somehow, she managed. Pouring her attention into measurements and navigating precise movements with her tools had always been her escape, one of only a few activities that lulled her brain into a trance that almost nothing could shake her out of.

This time, it took a loud knocking on the front door to rip Aloy from her intense focus. When she jerked her head up in surprise at the sudden noise shattering her peace, she realized that several hours had elapsed. Rather than lazy sunlight streaming into the window, there was only the dull glow of the light from the oil lamps lining the street. 

"Damnit," she huffed as she shoved out of her chair. "Nil!"

There was no response, meaning he was probably still asleep. Aloy wanted to be irritated, but with her friends waiting outside, it was difficult to feel anything other than excited anticipation.

A broad smile had spread over her face by the time she pulled upon the front door. There in front of her were Kadaman, Avad, and Talanah, all wearing the most casual clothing she had seen them in, the former two bearing several large glass bottles - the wine Nil had requested. 

Kadaman stepped forward first, engulfing her in a tight hug with his free arm. "Aloy, my radiant gem! It's fantastic as always to see you."

"Kadi," she greeted warmly, having taken on the nickname for him herself some time ago. "Avad, Talanah. I'm so glad you all made it."

"It was only a fifteen minute walk," Talanah replied with a shrug. "It's not like we had to fight through the Jewel Stormbird to get here, although I doubt that would have slowed me much."

"Still jealous of my perfect Stormbird heart, I see," Aloy said cheekily, standing aside to let them in.

"You won't be boasting when I take down Redmaw by myself, girl," Talanah volleyed back as she pushed past her, giving her shoulder a friendly nudge on the way.

Avad was the first to step inside, and he glanced about curiously. "This is a lovely home, Aloy. Did you handle the decor, or did Sahad?"

She snorted. "He did. Pretty things aren't really my specialty."

"I agree that it's tastefully decorated, but he should have sprung for something larger," Kadaman sniffed. "He can obviously afford it, so I'm not sure why he's slumming it - "

"I shared a one room cabin with my guardian in the Sacred Lands," Aloy interjected, folding her arms over her chest. "Trust me, this is more than enough. It's almost too much space for me, actually."

The smug look Avad leveled his brother with was almost enough to have her breaking out into an undignified fit of giggles. Shaking her head to clear that urge away, she headed towards the stairs.

"Go ahead and make yourselves comfortable. I need to go wake Nil up and let him know you're all here."

"I shall come with you," Kadaman declared, already stalking past her. "I've always wanted to see his bedroom."

"That's a little odd, Kadi," Aloy remarked. "Besides, he likes to sleep without clothing. It's better if I go up by myself and knock."

"Oh?" The glint in the prince's amber eye was pure mischief. "Even better."

"No need," drawled a voice from above them. "I'm already awake. I hate to disappoint you, your Highness, but you missed your opportunity."

Nil slowly descended the stairs then. Much to Aloy's relief, he was fully clothed this time, red silk shirt and all. But before she could catch his eye, she turned to Avad.

"I think I need a drink," she said. "Mind helping me out?"

Avad gave her a winning smile, holding up the bottles. "Of course. Let's just take these over to the table, and if you could fetch me a few glasses…"

While Aloy rummaged around for appropriate drinkware (which she really should have done _before_ everyone arrived), the others greeted her husband.

"Sahad," Kadaman sighed. "How wonderful to see you outside of the training grounds. It's been far too long since we shared a night of frivolity and merriment."

"Not a lot of time for those things with all that your father demands of his kestrels," Nil responded drily.

"It's on my list of policies to fix once I ascend to the throne, my dear friend."

"Hey." Talanah jabbed an elbow into Kadaman's side. "We talked about this. Less politics, more fun. That's what tonight was supposed to be for."

" _Ow_." The prince grew sullen. "Why does everyone insist on assaulting me with such grievous physical abuse over the most minor of missteps?"

"Probably because you never learned to hold your tongue," Avad said, uncorking a bottle of wine with a loud 'pop'. "That, and you always take said abuse without much complaint."

"Good evening, Talanah," Nil said evenly. "I'm glad to see that you still hold Kadaman's leash."

"She most certainly _does not_ \- "

"Always, Sahad," Talanah said loudly, drowning out her former betrothed's protests. "And I'm glad to see that Aloy has done the same with you."

"Unlike Kadaman, I never once denied it." Aloy felt her husband's presence by her side a moment later. "Having a lady in one's life only makes it all the sweeter, and it's my pleasure to serve her."

Kadaman groaned. " _Serve her_ , he says. Why, he's already that - _ow!_ Stop elbowing me, you obnoxious woman!"

"Again, not a lady," Aloy muttered under her breath as she handed a few glasses off to Avad. 

Nil didn't reply to that. Instead, he draped an arm over her shoulders for a quick hug. "And hello to you, Aloy. How's your finger?"

She blinked up at him. "Huh?"

"The finger you pinched? Earlier, while you were working on your spear?"

"Oh." Her cheeks flushed. "It's, um. Fine. Better. So much so that I almost forgot about it."

He gave Aloy that tiny, secret smile she'd never seen him give anyone else but her. "I'm glad to hear that it won't be getting in the way of tonight. Wouldn't want your fun to be ruined."

"Yeah." She attempted a smile. "Me too."

"Hello, Sahad," Avad greeted politely. Both turned to face him, and he held up two goblets filled with rich, crimson liquid. "Wine for you as well, I'm assuming?"

"Well, I requested leave tomorrow for a reason," Nil said, taking one glass while Aloy swiped the other. "Thank you kindly, Avad. I hope Kadaman hasn't run you too ragged since we last spoke."

In an unusually undignified manner, the prince rolled his eyes. "No such luck. You know, I'm certain that if he weren't of the Radiant House, he would have been challenged to many a duel by now for the offense he's caused."

"And I would have bested each and every one of my unfortunate challengers!" called Kadaman from his side of the room. "Jealousy doesn't suit you, little brother!"

"Nor does acting as though you possess Sahad's skill and cunning suit you," Avad retorted.

"Why don't you all get some wine so we can go sit down?" Aloy said. 

Thankfully, the three without a glass took her suggestion, and soon enough the group was spread out over the living area's two lounges - Aloy was glad she had procured another one recently - nursing their drinks. Kadaman and Talanah occupied the smaller of the two, while her, Nil, and Avad settled into the larger. It was a tight enough arrangement that she had to press into her husband slightly to give the Sun-Prince an appropriate amount of space, but with the wine burning pleasantly in her belly, she found that she didn't actually mind all that much.

"Try to go slowly tonight," Nil remarked, looking down at her nearly empty glass pointedly. "You wouldn't want to fall asleep prematurely."

"That was _one_ time," Aloy hissed. "And I swear that mead was suspiciously strong. Theradine had an agenda."

Nil smirked. "Or you're just unwilling to admit that you can't hold your alcohol well."

As she glared at him, Aloy could practically feel Kadaman's eyes on them.

When he chimed in, his voice was delighted. "What's this I hear? Our sweet little Nora is a lightweight?"

" _No_. And for the love of All-Mother, both of you need to stop referring to me as little just because you're a few inches taller."

"Now you know how I feel," Avad muttered, taking a sip of his drink.

"Oh, yes," Nil said deviously. "A single glass of mead courtesy of Theradine had her sleeping an entire day away."

Kadaman laughed, bright and clear. "Ah, so she's not invincible! To be fair to her, Sahad, that man's mead _is_ a touch on the strong side. The wine we brought tonight is child's play in comparison."

"Thank you!" Aloy cried. She was _not_ about to admit how her head was already pleasantly light and that the world had gone slightly woozy around the edges.

"Hey, a woman as talented as Aloy has gotta have her weaknesses," Talanah piped up.

Kadaman rounded on her with a flat look. "And when have you ever admitted to any of yours, my dear?"

"Never, because a noblewoman from a House as high as mine doesn't have any," Talanah said loftily, sticking her nose in the air.

It was such an on point impersonation of a typical noble that Aloy had to bite back a laugh. "Other than your complete and total lack of humility, anyway."

"No, she's correct," Kadaman crooned, leaning in close to Talanah and batting his bronzed eyelashes. "Perfect in every single way, the best prospect for Sun-Queen this tribe has ever seen, beauty and strength both in one delightful package…"

While he sang his praises to Talanah - who was growing increasingly redder with each passing second - Aloy directed her attention to Avad, the wine having loosened her lips significantly.

"So, how long has _that_ been going on?" she whispered. 

"Sun and Shadow," Nil muttered, taking a swig from his cup. "Let's not. It's too painful."

"I assume you're speaking off this dreadful dancing around of their mutual romantic feelings," Avad whispered back, his expression one of extreme weariness. "The answer to that is far, far too long, and I have witnessed most of it."

Aloy examined the two for a moment more before asking, "Is it common for people to be this dense in regard to feelings?"

The younger prince bit his lip, as though he was holding back saying something. A few seconds later, he finally said, "It's not _uncommon_. I'm afraid I can't relate, however."

"Nor can I," Nil said with a shrug.

Once again, Avad looked like he was suppressing something. Aloy frowned.

"Are you talking about a lack of experience?"

"It's not that." Avad drummed his fingers on the lounge. "My last, erm, romantic prospect was just...rather direct."

Now her interest had been stirred. "Oh? Who were they?"

A fond smile settled on his lips. "Her name was Ersa. She was an Oseram slave who I struck up a friendship with. Eventually, I helped her escape the city, although that was sometime back. Before we parted, she expressed interest in something more, but I felt as though it wouldn't be on even grounds, so I refused her - with the caveat that perhaps we could pursue a relationship of a sort in the future. It was probably all wishful thinking, truthfully, and I doubt she even remembers me. Still, sometimes I like to believe…" The dreamy haze in Avad's eyes abruptly dissipated, and he shook his head as though to clear it the rest of the way. "Look at me, going on like this. My apologies."

"No, it's okay," Aloy said softly. "You sound like you were very attached to her."

Avad rested his chin on his hand. "I was. I still am."

"Attached to her magnificent physique and bulging muscles!" Kadaman crowed.

Apparently, he had been listening in.

"Kadi," Talanah hissed.

Avad turned to fix him with a scowl. "Yes? And what of it? Ersa is very well-endowed, and I find great beauty in that."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, little brother," Kadaman replied as he poured himself another glass from the bottle he had kept snug against his side (was that his third or fourth, Aloy wondered), "here, at least, you have fantastic taste. Not my personal preference, but I can absolutely see the appeal."

"A woman who has a fair shot at besting you in battle is certainly attractive," Nil added, brushing his fingers over Aloy's shoulder. 

"You'd know all about that, wouldn't you, Sahad?" Kadaman grinned. "Tell me, when you two are in bed together, who is the one - "

"I wouldn't complete that sentence," Nil said calmly.

"We've never once been _in bed together_!" Aloy barked at the same time. 

"By the Sun! Aloy, you don't know what you're missing," Kadaman sighed, his golden locks fanning behind him in a wave as he flopped back onto the couch. "You're allowing such a fine male specimen's talents to wither under disuse! Shadow take me, and you as well for your wasteful selfishness!"

"I highly doubt my more carnal skills have entirely diminished over the course of three and a half months, Kadaman," Nil intoned.

Something thorny, dark, and ugly welled up in Aloy, something she didn't have a name for. Whatever it was, it made it so that when she spoke, her tone was more snappish than intended. "Oh? And you know from experience?"

Kadaman sent her a pathetic glance, looking for all the world like a kicked animal. "No. Unfortunately not, and it was not for lack of trying."

"We've spoken about this several times," Nil said, amused. "You're simply too much for me to handle, Your Highness."

"Boar shit," Kadaman moaned. "I was so close, I swear it, and then you took that _ridiculous_ vow of chastity."

Odd, cloying disappointment replaced the strange feeling in Aloy. "What vow?"

"He swore off any and all extramarital affairs the instant my father told him of your betrothal," Kadaman groused. "And here you are, not even taking advantage of the fact that you have him entirely to yourself. An outrage, truly. Sahad's prowess is _legendary_ among the barracks, and I am certain that would extend to the fairer sex as well."

Stunned, Aloy sat back and straight into her husband's chest. Rather than jerking away as she once would have, however, she remained, allowing his touch and presence to ground her.

"It wouldn't be honorable," Nil rumbled behind her. His fingers began to comb through her hair as they often did in idle moments when she was close and he was thinking. "Regardless of our marital relations, I remain loyal to my wife and my wife alone. Perhaps you should consider taking a page from my book."

"Yeah, Kadaman," Talanah joined in. "Perhaps you should."

The crown prince looked between them all, a pout forming on his plush lips. 

"Now you're all ganging up on me! What undeserved cruelty!" he cried. "I am not wed, and I am under no obligation to anyone but myself!"

"Ah, but you were betrothed to Talanah at one point," Avad interjected. "And yet…"

Talanah crossed her arms over her chest with a severe look, and Aloy could just make out a bolt of panic flashing across Kadaman's face. She couldn't help the sharp grin that split her lips then.

"Dearest, no," he said frantically, leaning towards her. "Please, love, don't be cross with me. You never mentioned anything - I would have - "

She burst out into a fit of laughter then, nearly spilling her drink in the process. "By the Sun, you should see your face! It's fine, Kadi. Really. We were both so young when the betrothal was dissolved. You were barely an adult, and I didn't even know what sex _was_. Besides…" Talanah sat back, a wistful look floating over her expression. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"Cruel, cruel, cruel," Kadaman muttered, passing his drink from one hand to another. "Using me as your plaything to mock and deride. Me, your future king!"

Pushing Aloy away gently, Nil rose to his feet almost as gracefully as he would if he were sober.

"Aw, does my liege need comforting, perhaps?" he purred, taking a few steps towards Kadaman.

That dark feeling returned, tearing its way into Aloy's chest and up into her throat. As she watched the two men with bated breath, her jaw locked up so tightly that her teeth creaked in protest.

Kadaman perked up instantly, his gaze darkening. "Oh, I believe I am."

"That can be arranged," Nil hummed. 

"I am looking away now," Avad announced after sharing an exasperated look with Talanah.

Nil's dark hair was a curtain framing his features as he bent over the prince, gradually, carefully inching his face closer and closer. Kadaman tilted his head up, his eyelids drifting down. 

Tension tied Aloy's muscles into knots, but she couldn't look away, and just as she was about to open her mouth, to say something to stop the scene playing out in front of her, a horrific sight for reasons she couldn't understand...Nil stopped in his tracks. A smirk replaced the heat in his eyes, and he lifted his hand and patted at Kadaman's cheek as though he were a petulant child. 

Kadaman's eyes shot open. Aloy downed the rest of her drink on the spot.

"Comfort can be provided by one of your many other lovers, I'm sure," Nil said brightly, standing up straight once again. 

Kadaman's only response was to give a defeated cry and fling himself back once again.

When Nil returned to Aloy's side and sat back down beside her, she didn't lean into him as she had before. It was as though there was an electrical current crackling over her skin, almost the same as when she had been shocked by the Stormbird on their hunt, and none of the tension had dissipated from her. At the same time, she was deeply relieved that nothing had transpired between the two men - yet also angry with herself for being so relieved. Whatever she was feeling, she knew that touching her husband in any way would only serve to heighten her confusion.

The night went on, and still, Aloy kept her distance. As usual, Nil didn't seem too bothered by this turn of events, seeming to sense her change in mood and give her the appropriate amount of space. Conversation morphed from teasing and prodding to the mutually shared experiences of battle (although Avad was mildly poked at for his lack of good stories beyond training mishaps). Her husband didn't go _too_ far into the bloody details of his exploits, for which she was thankful. In fact, by the end, the discussion topic had mostly changed to machine hunting, which, with alcohol involved, naturally became a matter of comparing trophies and challenging one another.

"Come, Talanah, you cannot truly believe that you'll be able to handle Redmaw alone!" Kadaman protested.

"Do you doubt my skill?" she returned heatedly.

"What - _no_!" Kadaman slammed his empty cup down on his knee. "For even the most skilled of hunters - which I assure you, my dear, you absolutely are - such an attempt would be suicide!"

"I could go with her," Aloy offered. "I think with the two of us in the hunt, we could handle it."

"Hm." Talanah's expressive eyes narrowed in thought. "I'd have to see what you're made of first."

"Believe me, I said the same thing at the beginning of our hunt," Nil said. "She proved herself in every possible way, besting even myself in machine combat. Aloy is more than capable of handling herself."

Pride and gratitude burst in her chest at his words, and forgetting herself in the increasing haze of her inebriation, Aloy laid a hand on his knee and squeezed.

"And I need to assess that for myself," Talanah replied. "So, Aloy. How do you feel about coming along on my next hunting trip? Say, in about a month's time?"

"Yes!" Aloy blurted excitedly, jumping to her feet. "Absolutely!"

A second later, the walls begin to twist and waver around her. Shaking her head only made it worse, and she stumbled backwards. "Woah. Shit."

Nil was on his feet and beside her in the next instant, his hands a steadying anchor on her arms. "Well, I believe that's our cue. While it was lovely to have you all over, I think it's about time to end this evening."

"Oh, come on," Kadaman whined. "Just a little longer!"

Nil spared him an unimpressed glance. "No. Out."

"Kadaman, come," Avad said with a sigh. "It will take time and both Talanah and myself to get you home with as much as you've had to drink."

"But - "

"Shut it, Kadi," Talanah commanded, rising to her feet and grabbing his arm. "Let's go."

As usual, the prince wilted under her touch. "Fine. Thank you...thank you all for the fine company. Even if you're all a bunch of rude, classless chuffs. Goodnight and fare - farewell."

With that, he stood on unsteady feet and stumbled in the direction of the door, Talanah keeping a firm grip on his arm and his brother trailing close behind.

The goodbyes and promises to see each other soon were mercifully short. Once the door slammed shut, the events of the night and all of the alcohol she had consumed caught up to Aloy at once, and with an exhausted exhale, she drooped against her husband.

"Come on, huntress," he murmured in her ear. "Let's get you up to bed."

Nil maneuvered her towards the stairs, his hand a guiding pressure against her lower back as they ascended. Once they reached her room, Aloy collapsed onto her bed, entirely too drunk and tired to even think about changing into her sleep clothes. Besides, the silks and pillows adorning her bed were _so_ comfortable, and moving from this spot felt as though it might actually somehow wound her.

Only one thing was missing, and it had her cracking her eyes open and peering at Nil as he rearranged her until he could pull the covers up and over her.

"Do you need anything else before I retire?" he asked, bending over to smooth a few sweaty strands of hair from her brow. 

"Could you - " Aloy licked her suddenly dry lips. " - could you stay tonight? I'd, um, really like that. If you could sleep here. With me."

For a moment, Nil looked as though he were in physical pain. And if she didn't know any better, beneath the troubled lines creased around his eyes, there was a hint of longing there, too.

"Oh, Aloy," he said quietly. "I'm sorry. I can't."

"Oh." Tears stung at her eyes, but she managed to blink them back. "It's okay. It was...it was stupid of me to ask anyway. Just forget it."

Ashamed, Aloy turned over onto her side. And when Nil said a soft goodnight, lingering for a long moment at the door, she didn't respond, too busy trying to quiet the massive void which had opened in her chest enough to sleep. He extinguished the oil lamp hanging by the door, and everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are heating up...but we aren't quite there yet. 😔
> 
> See yinz next week for another hunting trip!


	16. Chapter 15

The sky hadn't yet lightened in the east when Aloy slipped out of her front door. Despite the early hour, there was an impatient energy nipping at each of her steps as she made her way towards a place she didn't particularly relish returning to, but had to in order to begin this long anticipated day.

The back of her cloak fluttered behind her as she walked, and it wasn't only intended to ward off the chill of the early morning. Concealed beneath it on her back was her bow and the spear she had spent weeks perfecting. Even though hardly anyone was out, it was a necessary precaution Nil had advised her to take before she had left the house.

"Even a single person seeing you with weapons is one too many," he had explained as he buttoned up the front of her cloak for her.

"If anyone saw me, I could just knock them out," Aloy mused.

Giving her a cheeky grin, he flipped her hood up for her. It only grew when she stuck her tongue out at him.

"I would normally approve, my fierce huntress, but let's try not to cause any incidents while we're out, hm?"

"Yeah, yeah," she muttered, heading for the door. "I'll see you tomorrow evening."

She just caught his expression as it softened into a fond smile. "Be safe, Aloy, and hunt well."

Talanah and Ligan were both waiting outside when she turned the corner to their street. The former was practically bouncing with just as much excitement as she felt, and Aloy couldn't help the wide grin she gave as she picked up her pace to meet them.

"Hey, Aloy!" Talanah laughed as she grabbed her for a quick hug. "Right on time. Wouldn't expect any less from you."

"You know it," she said. A bit of her good mood faded as she gave a polite nod to her father-in-law. "Ligan."

"Good morning, Aloy," he greeted. "Well, the Sun waits for no one. Are you two ready to depart?"

"I was ready yesterday," Aloy replied cheekily.

"Well, then." Ligan held out a hand. "After you."

The trio took a different path out of the city than her and Nil had on their trip. Rather than descending into the Jewel, they traversed the bridge Aloy had initially come into the city on. Unfortunately, the guards posted there didn't initially show their group the same respect they had when her husband had been present—instead, they sneered and whispered amongst themselves inaudibly, until one of the wiser ones pointed out who she was and they all fell into nervous silence.

Aloy set her mouth in a firm line as they passed, making sure to hold her head high. Good. Let them fear Nil hearing of how they mocked and jeered at her. Although she would never dream of telling him about any of this—dirty looks and insults didn't warrant the certain death of a duel with him—it pleased some dark part of her to know that her association with him made them quiver in their boots. It was power in a situation where she hadn't often had any, even if it wasn't her own. Maybe one day, their deference would be based on her actions, and her actions alone.

Once they had crossed the bridge, the party turned east and towards the desert. Aloy's curiosity grew with each mile traveled—especially since Talanah hadn't revealed what they were to be hunting on this trip. 

"So, what's out this way?" she asked after they were a few miles from the city.

"Eh, just lots of herds of the less aggressive machines," Talanah said with a shrug.

Aloy frowned, a little insulted. "What, you don't think I'm capable of handling anything more than that?"

"I know _theoretically_ what you can do, but I've made a habit of trusting my own eyes with these things," Talanah explained. "Don't take it personally. There are a few Behemoths around, though, if you're looking for something more challenging after we take out some of the smaller prey."

She spared a furtive glance back at Ligan, and then lowered her voice. "Is it because of him? Are you worried for his well-being?"

"By the Sun, not at all," Talanah laughed. "Look, I know you two got off to a rough start, but don't let that—or his age, for that matter—color your opinion of him completely. Ligan is one of the finest hunters the Lodge has ever seen. I'm pretty sure the old man can still move if he needs to."

"I guess that makes sense," Aloy admitted. "Nil had to get his talents from somewhere."

"Oh, yeah. Before he even went into the military, Sahad went along with Ligan on hunting trips much like this one." Talanah tilted her head in thought. "He's been at it for a long, long time. I'm pretty sure he received his first bow when he was four, actually."

Aloy blinked in surprise. " _Four_? That's even younger than I was."

"Machine hunting is a time-honored pursuit among Carja noble families, especially those with several generations of Hawks in their bloodline," Talanah said. "Before the Derangement, even the younger members of the Radiant House used to partake. Oh! Speaking of which…"

Talanah leaned in, and Aloy raised an expectant brow.

"Kadi wanted me to apologize on his behalf," she said in a hushed voice. "For what happened that night we were drinking with you and Sahad."

"What for?" Aloy asked, confused. "And he couldn't do this himself why, exactly? We've seen each other a few times since." 

Talanah rolled her eyes. "His Highness finds it difficult to apologize in person. Don't take it too hard. He's always been like this. Probably has something to do with his image."

"Sounds like him," Aloy muttered. "Again, what did he feel the need to apologize for? Getting too drunk and calling us all chuffs?"

"Nah, that's normal for him," Talanah said with a wave of her hand. "It was about how he behaved with Sahad. He told me to tell you that it was out of line, and he should have been more respectful of your relationship."

"Okay, first of all, how much of this apology was inspired by you?" Aloy questioned wryly.

Talanah shot her a sideways grin. "Surprisingly little this time."

"Second of all," she continued, "No apology is necessary. It's none of my business what Nil chooses to do."

"So, how long have you been doing this?" Talanah hummed.

"Doing what?"

"Lying to yourself."

"I'm not lying to myself about anything!" Aloy cried. She winced, glancing back at Ligan (who thankfully, remained as unperturbed as Nil tended to) before lowering her voice again. "Really. It's fine. Tell Kadi not to worry about it."

Talanah snorted. "Uh huh. That's why you were the perfect picture of jealousy."

"We're not talking about this," Aloy said flatly.

"Whatever you say."

Even though she dropped the subject, the other noblewoman's face was a picture of sly knowing. Forcing herself to tear her gaze away, Aloy set her jaw and focused on the road ahead.

And definitely not on her husband and how much she secretly wished that she had been the one receiving his attention that night.

To Aloy's relief, a sizable herd of machines came into view over the next bend, nestled in a slight valley where the verdant jungle was just beginning to fade into the drab desert. As Talanah had said, there was nothing particularly dangerous in the mix - the group was mostly composed of Grazers, Striders, and a couple of endlessly pacing Watchers, all washed in the glare of the rising sun. The biggest threat was a pack of Scrappers scanning the terrain to the south, and the vicious little machines barely qualified as one in her opinion. 

Still, this was what Talanah had expressed an interest in hunting this morning. With a resigned sigh, Aloy unhooked her bow from her back and turned to face her hunting partner expectantly. 

"Is this what you wanted?"

Talanah's eyes scanned over the herd before she nodded in satisfaction. "Yup. Looks perfect to me."

"I believe this is my cue to leave you two ladies to your devices," Ligan interjected from behind them. He patted the bag draped over his hip. "There's a nice, shaded grove of palm trees over there where I can perhaps get some work done and observe."

"Sounds good," Talanah replied. "We'll let you know if we need anything, or if one of us is grievously injured or anything like that."

There was an edge of humor in his grey eyes. "I don't think it will come to that, but just in case, I did bring medicinal herbs and bandages."

Aloy watched him wander off and sit neatly beneath a broad-leaved tree before turning back to Talanah.

"Well, I suppose we ought to get to it if we actually want to fight something challenging today."

As both women lowered themselves to the earth and began to creep forward into the sheltering brush, Talanah said, "You can't just go after the big ones all the time, Aloy. What if you need a part from a specific machine or to help someone else out on the road? It's important to keep _all_ of your skills sharp, and that means occasionally going out of your way to practice on the little ones."

"Is this about me, or about you and your goal of becoming Sunhawk?" 

"It's relevant to both of us," Talanah shot back, making sure to keep her voice low. "I understand that being unable to hunt for so long has made you eager, but it's important not to get overzealous, because that can easily lead to making very stupid decisions."

"This is rich coming from someone who wants to tackle Redmaw all by herself," Aloy muttered.

"As a matter of fact, I don't want to fight Redmaw alone anymore." When Aloy looked her way, Talanah was staring at her pointedly. "I met another hunter with a lot of potential, realized that going at it alone would be one of those very stupid decisions I mentioned, and reevaluated. I have no problem admitting I was wrong."

"I don't have a problem admitting I'm wrong," Aloy protested. "Really. I've done it before."

"Like when?"

"Like…" Aloy furrowed her brow in thought. "Okay, you have a point that it hasn't happened recently. But to be fair, I've been right about most things since I've come to Meridian."

 _Except for your husband_ , her brain reminded her unhelpfully.

Talanah didn't say a word in response, but the way she was fighting a self-satisfied smile had Aloy glaring at her.

The pair had reached the edge of their chosen tangle of tall grass, and thus fell silent as they watched the movements of the herd. Aloy's fingers rose automatically to her Focus, but stopped centimeters away. Seeing as all of these machines were native to the Embrace, their behaviors and weaknesses were as familiar to her as the back of her hand. With a little bit of keen observation, she could memorize the Watchers' patrol paths. Activating her Focus would strip what little potential challenge this fight would have away, and she wasn't about to waste a rare opportunity to get out and hunt. Her mind made up, her hand dropped back down to her bow.

A Watcher took that moment to head in their direction, its path taking it a mere two feet from the grass line. Aloy knew a perfect opportunity when she saw one. Setting her bow on her back as quickly and as silently as possible, she instead grabbed at her new spear.

"I'll take down that Watcher to start," she whispered. 

"And once all hell breaks loose, I'll try to cut off as much of the herd as I can before they can escape," Talanah replied in a hushed voice, an excited grin tugging at her painted lips as she elbowed Aloy's arm. "To a good hunt."

"A good hunt," she echoed.

The Watcher stepped in front of Aloy's line of sight, and she struck.

The takedown was magnificent. Sparks flew as she buried her spear into the machine's wiry innards, and it went down with a mechanical groan. As expected, a nearby Grazer alerted to the motion and noise, its light turning from blue to red as it jerked its head towards the duo. The rest of the herd followed suit, a sea of blinking yellows and reds, and a few of the more skittish ones attempted to make a break for it.

But Talanah was faster— _much_ faster. Aloy watched in awe as the noblewoman's assault of arrows had several escaped Grazers skidding to a stop before barrelling around in a panic and galloping in the opposite direction - where they met her own volley of arrows. A couple crashed to the ground, sending clouds of sand puffing into the air. Despite the ease of her prey, the adrenaline which coursed through her veins had a triumphant grin bursting over her face.

"Aloy! To your right!"

As usual, there wasn't time to celebrate. The Scrappers to the south—four of them, by her count—had finally closed the gap between themselves and the rest of the herd, and they wasted no time in leaping at the women, metal claws extended. Spear in hand, Aloy whipped around and skewered one in the throat in midair. It flailed its mechanical limbs uselessly as she summoned all of her strength and threw the machine off somewhere to the side, the motion tearing a wide gash in its metal hide. It landed with a loud crash.

Talanah finished picking off an errant Strider attempting to escape before turning her attention to the three remaining Scrappers. They weren't the most intelligent of beasts, but they more than made up for this deficit with the ferocity and swiftness of their attacks. Both women made a point to stay light on their feet, dancing around the machines and dodging when necessary - and that meant _a lot_. To her surprise, Aloy found herself struggling to draw breath, and she once again cursed how soft and out of shape city life had made her.

Maybe Talanah had a point about keeping even her basic skills sharp.

One attempted to lunge at Talanah, but she rolled out of the way neatly and exchanged her bow for the glaive she had once explained to Aloy that she favored in a lightning quick motion. With polearms in hand, the two stabbed and sliced their way through the remaining Scrappers. Aloy made short work of a particularly bouncy one, waiting for it to slip up and fly just a hair wide of her before pinning it to the earth with the blade of her spear and a triumphant cry. 

The last one was no match for the barrage both Talanah and Aloy assailed it with, and after only a few well-placed strikes, it too came to a grinding halt, a thready wisp of smoke escaping its carcass like a last gasp.

Twirling her glaive around, Talanah gave a loud exhale as she pounded the blunt end into the dusty earth.

"What did I tell you?" she said with a beaming grin. "Plenty of action to be had, even with the little ones."

"I guess it wasn't _that_ bad," Aloy admitted.

Her grin fading somewhat, Talanah lifted her eyes to the clear blue skies, as though she was worried it might rain.

"Well, come on. Let's strip these guys for parts before we decide what to do next."

With a smile of her own, Aloy got down to business. Her first target: a relatively untouched Grazer lying folded in on itself a few meters away.

"So, in your expert machine hunter's opinion, how did I do?" she asked, once her hands were buried wrist deep in the belly of the machine.

Talanah hummed thoughtfully over the Scrapper she started with. "I'd say that if you were that skilled at navigating court, you'd have even Jiran charmed by now. So, pretty great."

She barked out a short, humorless laugh. "Yeah, the first and only time I went to court was a total disaster. It's not like it matters anyway. Hunting is the only skill I've ever really needed."

"I think it matters a lot in your current circumstances, actually," Talanah rebutted. Aloy caught her eyes narrowed in thought as she looked her way. "You know, I'm pretty good at putting on that boar shit 'delicate lady' act. Want some friendly advice?" 

At Aloy's doleful look, she held up a hand. "Hey, I guarantee it will make your next visit to the Palace of the Sun _way_ less painful."

"All right," Aloy replied reluctantly. "It's not like I have anywhere else to be anyway."

"There's more than one way to be strong, Aloy," Talanah chided. "Not everything in this world revolves around fighting. Sometimes, talking and turning on the charm is what you actually need to survive. In the Sun-Court, it's vital. The excuse of 'savage Nora who doesn't know any better' will only appease that decrepit fuck sitting on the throne for so long."

Despite herself, Aloy felt her lips pulling into a smile at her friend's candor. "If you're implying I'm not charming, I already knew that."

"But you can _pretend_ to be," Talanah insisted. "Believe me, I know what it's like to have those assholes looking down on you. They want you to get upset. They want you to do something outrageous, because it's just more gossip to fuel them. My advice? Beat them at their own game."

"And how exactly would I go about doing that?"

"Be the picture of politeness, grace, and poise," Talanah answered. "Wear your finest dress—but never the same one twice—every time you're ordered to go. Ignore or redirect any insults. Always keep your head, and above all else, remember that this is one big game to them. You can view it the exact same way as a battle, honestly. It's all about strategy, and if you play your cards right, the night will eventually end, and you'll walk out of there with your head held high and your dignity intact."

Aloy nodded slowly. "Yeah. That all makes a lot of sense, and...honestly doesn't sound so bad. Maybe it could even be a little fun." She studied her friend with a frown. "You know, I'm starting to see what Kadi meant."

Talanah's steady hands faltered for a moment. "What do you mean?"

"You would have made a hell of a Sun-Queen."

"I did spend the first part of my life getting ready for that role, you know," Talanah said lightly. The tautness of her face, however, belied her tone.

"Does it bother you?" Aloy asked softly. "That all of that got taken away from you?"

"No." Talanah shook her head. "At least, not the title part. I wasn't particularly attached to the idea, but I was always okay with it."

"Kadi, then."

"That obvious, huh?" Talanah laughed weakly.

"Oh, yeah," Aloy said emphatically. "To everyone."

"I won't lie to you. I'm not ashamed to say that I've been in love with him for a long time, and there's nothing that can be done about it." She dug into the Scrapper with more vigor. "Kadi feels the same, as if he hasn't made that _abundantly_ clear. But he doesn't want to put me in danger by pursuing anything, and I get that, I really do. But sometimes…"

"You wish things could be different," Aloy finished for her before brightening. "And they could be, once Jiran dies—"

Talanah gave a firm jerk of her head. "I don't like to think about what-ifs and longshots. It's likely that Kadi will be married to someone else long before that happens. I made my peace with that fact a long, long time ago." She shrugged. "So hey, let's not dwell on this."

"Talanah—"

"You know, since you're prying into my personal affairs," she interrupted loudly, "let's talk about yours a little. Specifically of the Sahad variety. Fair's fair."

Rubbing at her nose with the back of an oil-streaked hand, Aloy groaned. "I already told you, there's nothing to talk about."

"That act isn't going to work on me," Talanah said bluntly. "I was honest about Kadi, and now it's your turn to be honest about Sahad."

"You want the truth?" Aloy snapped, throwing up her hands. "Fine. The truth is, I don't know what it is I'm feeling. There are parts of Nil that are awful. The way he enjoys killing other people, downright _revels_ in it and it—it's revolting. I was sick the first time I saw it." Her shoulders slumped. "But at the same time, I see the good in him. His sense of justice and honor, the things he does for me, the way he cares about me...he makes me feel things I've never felt before, and I'm so confused. For the first time in my life, I have no idea how to move forward, and I hate it more than anything else I've ever been faced with."

Talanah was silent for the span of several seconds before speaking up again. 

"You're falling in love with him." Her gaze was sympathetic when Aloy managed to bring herself to look at her. "It feels pretty awful being so stuck, huh?"

Hearing those words spoken out loud wasn't as startling as she would have thought. Frightening yes, but unsurprising. 

Because deep down, in her heart of hearts, Aloy knew that Talanah's words were the truth. And that maybe she had known that for longer than she was willing to admit to herself.

Swallowing back her unease at this revelation, she nodded. "Yeah."

"I won't tell you how to move forward," Talanah said. "That's up to you and Sahad to decide when the time comes. But as your friend, what I can do is make sure you're prepared for certain...hm…eventualities."

Perplexed, Aloy tilted her head to the left. "Eventualities?"

"Put delicately, there are herbs that women take which can prevent us from becoming with child," Talanah explained. "I can pack some up for you when we get back."

"All-Mother, _no_!" Aloy cried. "That's not necessary. Nil and I aren't going to - "

"Remember what I said about stupid, ill-thought out decisions?" Talanah's deep brown eyes were piercing. "Even if you don't think it'll happen, it's always better to be prepared."

Burying her face in her hands, Aloy rubbed at it vigorously. "You're not going to let this go, are you."

"Nope."

"Fine," she huffed. "Whatever. I'll take the stupid herbs, even though I'm never going to go to bed with him. Are you happy?"

"Once a day, preferably in the evening," Talanah advised. "And they take a few weeks to be effective—usually until your next moon cycle—so nothing before then."

Aloy rolled her eyes. "I _really_ doubt anything is going to happen in the next few weeks, but sure. Great. Thank you."

"You're very welcome," Talanah replied cheerily. "Now, let's get back to taking these apart—"

A chorus of ear-piercing cries cut her off, and she was on her feet in less than a second. Alarmed, Aloy jumped up as well. 

"Shit," Talanah cursed under her breath, scanning the skies as she had earlier, and Aloy knew now she hadn't been looking for rain. "Glinthawks. Should've known they'd be attracted by the downed machines."

Aloy had only seen the small, bird-like machines from afar once, during her journey to Meridian. From listening to Radid's discussion with his men, she was aware that they mostly scavenged scrap metal but had a nasty host of attacks, including the ability to shoot gobs of frozen Chillwater at their target. Essentially, they were tinier, colder Stormbirds that usually traveled in packs of three or more.

Knowing that she would need the range, Aloy grabbed for her bow. "Where?"

"It sounds like that came from the east." Talanah squinted into the early morning sun. "I can't quite see, though..."

As soon as she finished speaking, a startled yell reached them, and the two women looked at each other with wide eyes.

"Ligan," Aloy breathed.

Without waiting to see if Talanah was following, she booked it out of the valley and back up the hill. Her friend called after her, but between the blood pounding in her ears and the intensity of her anxiety, she could barely hear it. All Aloy could think, over and over again, was how destroyed Sahad would be if he lost his only remaining family.

The sight that greeted her as she crested the hill only spurred her panic onward. Three Glinthawks hovered in the air above her father-in-law, snapping and firing off the occasional burst of ice. Ligan had brought a bow—leaving the safety of the city without one was considered beyond stupid—and he had it aimed at the glowing center of one of the machines, looking more irritated than anything else. 

Why he wasn't more afraid, Aloy didn't know. She jumped into action without giving it much of a second thought, nocking an arrow as she ran. The projectile pierced through the air, missing the center and pinging harmlessly off the metal hide of the machine. Still, it was enough to get its attention off of Ligan; the Glinthawk twirled around to face her, making her its target—but also allowing her a much clearer shot.

Unfortunately, the machine was _fast_. Before she could even think to grope around for another arrow, it dived at her in a similar way as the Stormbird had. Aloy leapt out of the way just a hair too late; one of its claws managed to catch on her back, shredding the fine silk of her hunting top and digging a gash into her skin. Hot pain exploded from the wound, and she had to shake her head to clear the wooziness from it. 

The Glinthawk gave her zero time to regroup. Icy projectiles rained down on Aloy from above, and although she was able to dodge out of the way of each one, the cut on her back stung and throbbed with every movement. Gritting her teeth against the biting pain, she fired off a couple more arrows, at least managing to hit it in its core this time. 

But it wasn't enough. The machine was nearly unaffected, and to add insult to injury, a second one tore away from Ligan to pursue her. Unlike with the Stormbird, she hadn't given herself the time to observe and scan with her Focus, so she had no idea what kind of arrows to use or what any of its weak points were. Just as she was beginning to realize she might be in for a long fight, her father-in-law's voice rang out, confident and strong.

"Aloy! Get down!"

Figuring she ought to listen, Aloy dove to the ground. Seconds later, a resonant boom sounded above her, the force of it shaking the pebbles beneath her. A couple more crashes followed, although the noise from these was much less deafening.

Not wanting to waste anymore time taking out the rest, she hauled herself back up, bow and arrow at the ready - only to find three Glinthawk carcasses surrounding her and a frowning Ligan stalking towards her, bag in hand.

Aloy stared at him, at the disabled machines, at a grinning Talanah sidling up to them, her eyes as wide as dinner plates. "Wait—what? How? Did you—"

"I believe I saw that you were injured," Ligan interrupted her. "May I take a look?"

"Yeah, I—sure." Obediently, she turned, her mind still charging as fast as an ornery Strider. "What did you do? I didn't see a Blaze canister. How did they _explode_ like that?"

"Fire arrows in their core," Ligan responded. "If you time it right, you can take out more than one at a time. It was a trick I used often as a young man." He paused, his fingers pressing into her back lightly. "May I?"

Aloy nodded, then hissed out a breath between her teeth as he prodded at the edges of the wound.

Ligan pulled away at once. "My apologies."

"Oh, don't be so dramatic," Talanah teased, having finally reached them. "That's nothing."

Aloy shot her a dirty look. "Would you like one too? Because I can make that happen."

"Let's not fight, ladies," Ligan said, amused. "Now, Aloy, if you'll come with me, I can apply a poultice and bandage and you'll be no worse for the wear. Thankfully, it's not deep enough to require stitches."

"I think I'll take care of stripping these machines," Talanah said, already edging away. "You know, before more Glinthawks decide to show up and someone else gets wounded."

Giving her friend one last exasperated look, Aloy tagged along after Ligan. He led her to the cluster of palm trees he had been sitting beneath, clucking his tongue and planting his hands on his hips as he examined the mess of scrolls scattered over the earth.

"How tiresome. Everytime I endeavor to complete some paperwork, I'm interrupted. If it's not man, it's machine." He turned to face Aloy, a kind smile replacing the annoyance on his face as he gestured to the ground. "Please, sit. This won't take long at all."

As promised, Ligan was efficient. Whatever poultice he had created was an effective one, too; the instant the cool mixture of herbs touched Aloy's skin, some of the pain in the cut numbed, receding back until she could barely feel it anymore. She hadn't realized how tightly the pain had wound her until then, and her shoulders drooped as her muscles loosened.

"Thank you for saving me back there, and fixing me up now," she said hesitantly, as he pressed a fresh bandage into her back. "I thought I was going to be the one saving you and, well…"

"Think nothing of it, Aloy. I'm only fulfilling my duty to you," Ligan responded. "And I may not be as spry as I once was, but these old bones still remember how to hunt. I became a Hawk for a reason, you know."

"Yeah," Aloy chuckled. "I see that now. I guess I shouldn't have let appearances deceive me."

Having finished his task, Ligan stood and offered her a hand up. Without any reservations, she took it, even managing to summon a genuine smile. 

Perhaps her father-in-law wasn't _so_ bad after all.

The next afternoon saw the group heading back into Meridian. In light of Aloy's wound and much to her chagrin, they had decided to take it easy for the rest of the previous day. Talanah had suggested that if she wanted to have a full hunt next time, she ought to be more careful, and earned a sharp elbow to the ribs for her trouble.

Still, they managed to get a decent enough hunt in the next morning. A couple of Sawtooths happened to wander by their campsite, and with fire arrows at the ready, Aloy and Talanah rushed into the fight with renewed zeal. No further injuries were suffered, but Talanah's pride may have been a _tad_ wounded when Aloy stole the killing blow out from under her nose.

Now, with her bag laden with all sorts of spoils from the hunt (and the herbs Talanah had insisted she start taking), Aloy pushed into the front door of her home with a groan.

As expected, Nil wasn't yet home. Pushing back her disappointment, Aloy trudged up the stairs, finding herself more exhausted than she would have expected. Once in her room, she threw her bag to the side, the machine parts within rattling noisily against one another. She made to get into bed, but something gave her pause.

Pursing her lips, she turned her attention back to the bag.

And stared.

Finally, with an irritated sigh, she yanked the flap open and pulled out the sizable silk bag of herbs. Undoing the drawstring, Aloy peered inside cautiously, as though it contained a venomous snake. 

"Yup, these are herbs, all right," she muttered to herself stupidly.

Before she could second guess herself, Aloy reached in, pinched out the serving Talanah had advised her to take, and swallowed down the bitter leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some hunting fun!! And a few hard conversations, at least for Aloy...
> 
> See yinz next week!!


	17. Chapter 16

When a couple of polite knocks sounding at her bedroom door woke her later that evening, Aloy's first conscious thought was slight irritation with herself for falling asleep. Stifling a yawn and blinking the sleep from her eyes, she sat up gingerly, careful to not agitate the cut on her back.

"Come in," she called.

The door creaked open, and Nil entered, wearing his day clothes and a fond smile.

"Aloy," he greeted warmly. "May I sit?"

She nodded blearily. "Go for it."

"You must have had quite the adventure to have taken a nap," Nil commented as he stepped around to her side of the bed and lowered his weight onto the mattress. He opened his arms for her, and Aloy leaned into his familiar embrace. "I've only known you to do that when you're drinking."

"Eh, it was all right. Not the most exciting of quarry, but—oh, _ow_."

Nil's arms had wound around her, their weight just barely resting on her, but it was enough to send ragged streaks of pain shooting through the nerves into her back. At her utterance and resulting wince, he pulled away from her quickly.

"What's this?" He frowned, looking her up and down slowly. "Huntress, you look as though you're in pain—wait, are you _wounded_?"

Aloy sighed. There was no getting anything past her husband, so she might as well come out with it.

"Yes. I was too slow and got snagged by a Glinthawk claw on my back. It really isn't that bad, especially after Ligan took care of it. Didn't need to be stitched or anything like that."

Nil's lips curled. She immediately regretted her loose tongue.

"Did he now? And he couldn't have helped you fight it off _before_ you were injured?"

"As a matter of fact, he did," Aloy snapped. "For your information, he saved my ass by downing three at once. It was pretty amazing, actually."

To her utmost surprise and contrary to all of his previous reactions to anything involving his father, Nil backed down.

"I—I see." He took a slow, deep breath. "Well...that's good, I suppose. The old man's always been a skilled hunter, and I can't fault him too much for using said skills to help you. And I know how quality his herbal mixtures are, having been on the receiving end of them many times."

"Yeah," Aloy said, offering him a tentative smile. He seemed to be trying, and at that moment, it was more than enough. "Whatever he used fixed me right up, and I was even able to hunt a couple of Sawtooths this morning with Talanah."

Nil inclined his head towards her bag, still resting on the floor. "And you brought home plenty of spoils, I see."

"Nothing _too_ special," she said. "Just some supplies that might come in handy for arrow-making."

"Special it not, it saves us some shards and a trip to the markets," he said with a shrug. "Well done."

Pride pulsed through Aloy at the praise, as minor as it was, and her gaze dropped to her lap as her cheeks heated. 

_Stupid. Just because you acknowledged that you might have feelings for him doesn't mean you need to act like a love-addled adolescent._

"Regretfully, I come bearing news of the undesirable variety," Nil said after a few beats. "Two items, actually."

Aloy eyed him dolefully. "What now? Am I to be thrown into the streets? Gored by one of your kestrel friends? Married off to Jiran?"

That got an amused huff out of her husband. "No, no. As if I'd let any of that happen. But if that's what you consider bad news, then what I actually have to say will be a pleasant surprise."

"I'm listening."

"Firstly, we have another mandatory court appearance coming up in less than a fortnight." At her groan, Nil laid a placating hand in her arm. "Now, now, huntress. His Radiance has probably already moved on to some other diversion for entertainment, so I'll doubt he'll pay you much mind this time. As with most royalty, boredom is quick to set in for him."

"Well, it turns out Kadi got something from his father after all," Aloy said archly, before shaking her head. "Honestly, it's not a big deal. Talanah and I had a talk about court while we were hunting, and I think it's going to go much better this time around."

"Good." There was a pressure on her forearm as Nil squeezed, and it had her eyes rising to meet his. "As long as you understand that I must behave as I did last time, and that I mean none of what I say."

At the apprehension clear on his features, she offered him a reassuring grin. "I get it. I'll just have to bite back this time around. Well, at least around the other nobles."

"Ah, while I look forward to what sport that will make, try not to allow yourself to become too feisty," Nil advised. "Otherwise I'll be accused of growing lax with your leash."

"And wouldn't that be the worst thing that could happen," she muttered.

"It would be if Jiran was feeling particularly creative with his discipline that evening," he said, a frown tugging at his lips.

Aloy rolled her eyes. "Don't worry. I'll behave. Mostly."

Nil sat back, apparently pleased. "Glad to hear it."

"So, what's the second thing you needed to tell me?"

Worry returned to his face. "Ah, yes. That." A light blush, of all things, spread over his cheeks. "It's in regards to our marriage."

Crossing her arms, Aloy waited patiently for him to continue.

Nil cleared his throat. "In a month's time, we will have been wed for half a year."

"Huh, I suppose it has already been that long." She furrowed her brow. "Is that period of time significant to the Carja for some reason?"

"Only for married couples," he said carefully. "After six months, most wedded women are already with child. If one is not, certain rituals must be performed in the Temple of the Sun. This particular one wasn't always required, but since Jiran has taken the throne, his desire to grow the Sundom's army by any means necessary has eclipsed everything else."

"It's not like we've done anything that would actually lead to a child," Aloy said, amused. "In any case, a ritual doesn't sound like that big of a deal. Even if it means seeing that awful priest who married us again."

Some of Nil's tension broke for the moment. "You have no idea how much I wanted to sink my blade into his guts for the way he treated you."

"You know, I'm not sure if that would have been a better or worse first impression," she hummed. "So, what's the ritual?"

The words came out in a rush. "After being blessed by a Sun-Priest, we must take a ceremonial bath together and come together under his, ah, guidance."

Aloy blinked, then straightened her spine very slowly.

"Wait. 'Come together?' Is that just a nice way to say—"

"That I am expected to bed you with another man in the same room." To his credit, her husband appeared weary and disgusted both. "Yes, Aloy. That's exactly what I mean."

She wrapped her arms around herself, as though she were already bare. "Are you serious? I've never—I can't—Nil, being naked and bathed by another woman was difficult enough for me."

"He won't actually be watching," he reassured quickly. "There's a screen, and I believe that with enough...creativity, I suppose, we could lead him to believe that we are coupling."

"So you want us to fake sex," Aloy deadpanned.

"Would you rather us actually perform the ritual as intended?" he shot back.

The real answer to that question was far more complicated than Aloy would have preferred, but she managed to spit out a sharp, " _No_." 

"That's what I thought." Removing his hand from her, Nil slid off the bed. When he turned to face her, his expression held nothing but kindness as he offered her a hand. "Now, if you'd like to join me downstairs, I've brought home dinner. Fish stew tonight."

The warmth of her husband's hand burned her as Aloy allowed him to help her up, and she did her best not to think about how, in a few short weeks, he'd be standing in front of her much like this—but entirely naked.

-

As Aloy stared up at the lamp-lit Palace of the Sun, she was entirely devoid of the apprehension she had felt the first time she had come here all those months ago. Rather, a sense of determination and confidence swelled up within her. This time, she wouldn't quail under the jeering of pompous noblemen and haughty noblewomen. With Talanah's advice fresh in her mind and her finely-garbed, intimidating husband on her arm gazing out over the gathered crowds like a cold sentinel, she vowed that she wouldn't show any of these people even a suggestion of weakness ever again.

Queuing up tested her immediately, just as it had last time. A well-endowed noblewoman didn't even attempt to hide her distasteful glance before leaving over to her friend and whispering audibly about Aloy's color choices being far too gaudy for the occasion.

Well, it was as good a time as any to test her new strategy.

"My, Sahad, it's as though some of these ladies lack the services of a skilled tailor like Theradine," she said, very loudly. "Are tops not supposed to contain breasts, not practically split them in half?"

Nil vibrated quietly at her side, the motion only cresting in intensity when the noblewoman shot a scandalized look her way.

"I have to say, the cut of your tongue is admirable, huntress," he murmured in her ear, his voice quivering with suppressed laughter. "That ought to keep them quiet for two minutes, at least."

"If only," Aloy muttered.

Sure enough, her peace only lasted maybe thirty seconds before a nobleman with a head of dirty blonde hair streaked with white approached them, his face red and twisted with fury. Beside her, Nil straightened to his full height.

"Sahad Khane Argir," he snapped. "Mind telling me why you haven't muzzled this wife of yours yet? It's awful enough that she's allowed to be at court, and now she's insulted my daughter so crudely. I won't stand for it!"

This man was either very brave or very stupid. If Aloy had to guess, it was probably a little bit of both.

"And what would you like me to do about it, Jahidin?" he rumbled. "Because, savage or not, you've now insulted my wife and myself. Would you fancy a duel, perhaps? I'll be at the sparring rings all day tomorrow if you can summon enough courage to face me."

"Don't test me, boy," he snarled. "I may just take you up on that offer."

"Oh, I sincerely hope you do," Nil said silkily. "Although I'm not too certain how you believe you'll be triumphant. Pray tell, when was the last time you even picked up a blade?"

Beneath his beard, the man grew even redder. 

"As sure as the Sun's rising, the Sun-King will hear about this...this impertinence!" With a final jab of his finger in Nil's direction, Jahidin stalked off.

When Aloy peered up at her husband, he appeared to be entirely unbothered, as though the conflict that had just transpired had been a simple chit-chat about the weather.

"So, how often do you challenge people to duels?"

His grin was a hair too sharp for her tastes. "Far more often than you'd like, I'm sure."

Uneasiness slithered through her belly. "Yeah, I'll bet. Just...just try not you get yourself injured or anything stupid like that. All right?"

Miraculously, Nil's expression softened, and the words that followed weren't his usual teasing. "I'm one of the most skilled duelists in the Sundom's army, huntress. Don't waste your worries on me. Besides…" He gripped her arm tighter. "I've made a habit of being more restrained as of late. It wouldn't do for you to be left all alone at the mercy of a hostile tribe, hm? It's not just my life hanging in the balance anymore."

"Oh." Aloy blinked. "Thank you. I guess."

For a moment, Nil leaned forward, his intentions unclear. But in the next beat, he pulled back, something like sheepish guilt flashing over his face.

"Of course."

Strangely, despite the ballroom being as packed and as lively as it had been last time, Jiran wasn't present on his hammered bronze throne when they arrived. Before she had a chance to comment on that, however, Aloy's eyes caught on a very familiar face gliding in their direction, his golden hair unfurling like a flag behind him.

"Sahad!" Kadaman called, gesturing towards them in his usual gallant yet barely-restrained way. "You and your lovely wife—come with me, this way! I have something I must, ah, discuss with you!"

"Sun and Shadow," Nil groaned beside her. "I didn't even have time to grab a drink first."

Aloy bumped her hip into his. "What, scared of your childhood friend now?"

"More like highly irritated by," he said under his breath. With a sigh, he followed after her anyway.

"Hey, Kadi," Aloy greeted as she fell in step beside the prince. "What's going on?"

"You'll see soon enough if you follow me," he replied primly. "Out to the balcony and down the stairs to the gardens. Quickly now!"

"If this is another one of your wild goose chases for a bed partner for the evening, I swear I'll go extra hard on you the next time we spar," Nil threatened.

"Promises, promises," Kadaman tsked. "A bed partner, perhaps...only if I'm very, very lucky this evening. Now, come, my dear friends!"

Aloy shared a bewildered glance with her husband before trailing after the prince.

The staircase he led them down was attached to a balcony, a winding set carved into the side of the tower. It was a bit of a hike to get down, but the evening breeze was pleasant and the lack of traffic did good work in clearing Aloy's head. By the time they reached the bottom, she was more curious than anything else. Whatever it was, with Kadaman involved, it was bound to be interesting at the very least. 

The gardens were abundant, dripping with flowering vines and ivy and full of color even in the waning light of the evening. Cobbled paths cut through neatly trimmed topiaries in concentric circles, the smallest of which surrounded a pleasantly bubbling fountain adorned in motifs featuring the Carja Sun and angular Glinthawks. Sitting on the edge of the fountain and kicking her legs idly was perhaps the last person Aloy would have expected to see here, and she lit up instantly.

Remembering to keep her voice lowered at the last second, she called out a hushed, "Talanah!"

Kadaman's grin was unabashedly wide as the noblewomen slid off the stone of the fountain to meet Aloy in an affectionate embrace. She was dressed up as well as the rest of them in tones of pale blue and gold, her shiny black hair loose for once and splashing down behind her like a waterfall. Once she had released Aloy, she stepped over to the prince's side, whose arm immediately fell over her shoulders.

Aloy raised an eyebrow. That was new.

"So, what are you doing here?" she asked. "I thought you were banned from court."

Talanah grinned cheekily. "Oh, I definitely still am. Kadi?"

"My father is not feeling well this evening, Sun be praised," Kadaman said. When Aloy perked up, however, he sombered somewhat. "Unfortunately, he _will_ make an appearance to torment the court at some point—just not for long. In any case, it was the perfect time to sneak my magnificent lady into the palace, even if she cannot be a part of the festivities."

"As if I'd want to be," Talanah snorted.

"A bold move," Nil observed. "And perhaps a little stupid. Not unexpected coming from you, of course."

Kadaman sniffed. "Some of us are not permitted to have the object of our affection be seen by our sides publicly. Thus, we must improvise. Do not worry, my friend—I am doing all I can to keep her concealed and safe."

"And I can take care of myself," Talanah snipped, though her tone was light. "But it's sweet of you to be so concerned, Sahad."

Interestingly enough, Nil didn't protest the prince's words about objects of affection, only making a mild, noncommittal noise in response. The tips of Aloy's ears warmed, and her gaze dropped quickly to her feet.

"Regretfully, I believe we must return to the ballroom," Kadaman sighed. "If my father makes his entrance and we're not present, well...let's just say this evening will likely cease to be pleasant. Once he leaves, however, we are free to spend our time here."

"Are you sure?" Aloy asked. "I can stay out here and keep you company, Talanah."

"We were both specifically ordered to attend tonight, huntress," Nil reminded her. "Jiran expects your presence as well."

"Hey, don't worry about me," Talanah grinned. "It's a nice night, and I'd much rather be spending it outdoors than in a stuffy room full of even stuffier nobles."

"My thoughts exactly," Aloy grumbled.

As though it caused him a great deal of agony, Kadaman unwound his arm from Talanah, glancing up at the arched windows of the ballroom with an anxiety unusual for him. "Let us make our reentrance before we're missed."

With a promise to return as soon as they were able, the trio trudged back up the stone stairs, silence ringing out until Nil broke it.

"So. You and Talanah."

Kadaman's steps fumbled, before he said, "Yes. Talanah and I."

Even in the dark, Aloy could see her husband's thoughtful expression. "I would say it's about time, but I'm honestly surprised you went for it."

"I know you believe it to be foolish in times such as these," Kadaman said quietly, more serious than Aloy had ever seen him. "But I cannot deny her—or myself—any longer."

Nil's angular face was grave. "I don't need to remind you of the consequences if you're caught."

"I know." Kadaman exhaled as they came to a halt at the top of the stairs. When he turned to face them, warm light from the oil lamps sparkled on the metal of his outfit, and a pained smile was on his plush lips. "You must understand, Sahad. I would sacrifice myself a thousand times over to ensure her safety. As long as I still draw air, no harm will come to her."

Nil held his unwavering gaze for a time. Something passed between the two men, something that spoke of years of trials and friendship, and Aloy had the sense that she was intruding. Eventually, seemingly satisfied with whatever he saw there, her husband nodded firmly.

"Well, let us give ourselves up to the slaughterhouse," he drawled. "Although something tells me that one of those would be far more entertaining than this."

Despite the fact that they had only been gone for a quarter of an hour at most, when the group re-entered the ballroom, the usual whispers began. Amusingly, most of the nobles were not only aware of Kadaman's pining for Nil, but were now speculating that in space of the short time they had been gone, some kind of salacious tryst had occurred between the three of them. It was all Aloy could do to keep from breaking out into a fit of laughter, and she could see that her husband was fighting a similar outburst.

Less entertainingly, it turned out that Kadaman had been correct to usher them back as quickly as he had. Mere minutes after they had blended back in with the crowds, a royal herald appeared by the entryway to announce the arrival of the Sun-King. 

He had also not been exaggerating the state of his father's health. Jiran's weathered face was drawn and mostly drained of color, and there was a sluggishness present in his movements that hadn't been there the first night Aloy had attended court. Nevertheless, his cutting cruelty remained intact when he summoned the couple to kneel before him as they had months ago.

But this time, Aloy was familiar with the game he played.

"Young Sahad," he sighed. "I see you took my advice about outfitting your wife in proper attire. Well done, boy."

Nil bowed his head further. "Thank you, Your Radiance."

"It's not as if fine clothing does much for her, but at least she cannot be considered truly offensive anymore," Jiran sniffed. "Although you ought to learn to hold your tongue if you ever want the opportunity to be rid of her. One of my advisors just informed me that this _thing_ insulted his daughter, a well-bred lady of the court, and your immediate response when he confronted you was to challenge him to a duel. While your fighting spirit and lust for the blood of those who spite you is admirable, try not to cut a path through my staff, hm? You've already done a number on my officers, and well-trained soldiers adept in war strategy are a rare breed these days."

"Yes, Your Radiance. I'll see to it, Your Radiance."

Aloy could feel the moment Jiran turned that calculating gaze onto her. "And you, girl. Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"No, Your Radiance," she responded immediately, making sure to keep her voice as deferential as possible.

"No, you wouldn't, would you?" Jiran scoffed. "Animals do not possess the ability to string together a complete sentence, much less a coherent one."

This time, the insult rolled off of Aloy as easily as a tumbleweed over sand. "No, Your Radiance. We do not, Your Radiance."

It was enough to appease the Sun-King—at least for now—and he settled in his seat with a slight wheeze. "At least you have intelligence enough to know your place here. Very well. I tire of the sight of the two of you, so be off."

The relief Aloy felt over the short length of the encounter must have been palpable, because once her and Nil were a safe distance away from furiously gossiping courtiers and Sun-King both, he turned to her and offered her a broad smile framed by a few locks of raven hair which had escaped from his Strider's tail. That and the way he was towering over her at his full height, so close that she could feel his breath ghosting over her face, had her heart stumbling into a sprint.

"You did wonderfully, sharp-tongued wife of mine," he said lowly, the affectionate notes in his voice mostly obscured by raucous laughter and lively music. "I hope his words didn't cut you too deeply this time."

"Nope," she said, popping her lips on the 'p'. "Really, I'm just looking forward to him leaving so we can spend some time with actual people, not these—to borrow a word—animals."

Nil's laugh was deep and pleased. "That's my girl. I'm sure it won't be too much longer." Turning back towards the crowd, he once again offered her an arm. "In the meantime, let's see about getting a drink to make this headache of an evening more bearable."

Gratefully, Aloy took it. "Definitely not opposed to that."

Unfortunately, Jiran did not retire as quickly as she would have expected. The king stuck around like a stubborn blemish, leering over the more scantily clad nobles and slaves in attendance and calling others before him for either praise or condemnation. One unfortunate soul even got dragged off to the dungeons for the crime of a slight error in his taxes, and Aloy's hatred of the man flared even hotter. It was clear that whatever ailment was plaguing him had soured his mood for the evening, so with wine in hand, she made sure to keep to the edges of the party and out of his sight.

It didn't escape her notice that Kadaman managed to slip away at some point, presumably to return to Talanah, a notion which had her sighing and pursing her lips. She could only hope that the two were at least being discreet about the affair. In between terse conversations with people whose main goal seemed to be insulting either her intelligence or appearance, Nil managed to allay some of her fears by whispering in her ear that both Sun-Princes had personal honor guards loyal to them and them alone, and they were likely concealed among the gardens, keeping watch in order to divert anyone who threatened to intrude. Still, Aloy couldn't help but worry. These were her friends' lives at stake, and she couldn't help but wonder if the pursuit of a relationship in such dangerous circumstances was truly worth the risk.

It must have been a full hour later that Jiran finally left, slowly and ploddingly. In stark contrast to the simpering and kowtowing on full display earlier, the entire room seemed to breathe a sigh of relief once he made his exit. The music hitched up in volume, the conversation grew more relaxed, and even the lamps seemed to burn a little brighter in his absence. 

Aloy's relief was mixed with excitement. Eager energy subsumed her as she tugged Nil's arm in the direction of the balcony and stairway down to the gardens. 

"Come on! Let's get out of here."

Nil's lopsided grin came more easily than it had all night. "As my huntress commands."

Back down the stairs they went, swallowed up by the consuming darkness a night sky vacant of the moon brought with it. Aloy had to admit that her friends had at least chosen the best possible time for their secret rendezvous, for she could scarcely see her own hands in front of her face. Thankfully, Nil's warm hand on her lower back was a reassuring guide through their trek, and he only lifted it once they had reached the bottom and the risk of taking a tumble had passed. 

"What are they?" Aloy frowned as her eyes scanned the gardens, seemingly devoid of anyone but her and Nil. 

"Hush," he murmured, flicking his gaze about as well. "We ought to be quiet out here, so as not to draw attention to ourselves."

"Good point."

Years of practice in the art of stealth had Aloy automatically sinking into a crouch, as though she were avoiding detection from a machine. Beside her, Nil chuckled softly. 

"I don't think _that_ level of discretion is necessary, but I can't fault you for having the proper level of caution."

Together, they crept through the gardens, the training both had received having them stepping carefully enough to dampen the sounds of their footfall, even with the obstacle of their ornate evening garb. It was tedious work, and after a full ten minutes of searching, Aloy began to feel a tad silly. Just as she was about to turn to Nil and call off the hunt, the gentle fluttering of fabric caught her eye.

There, a ways off the path and just barely visible through the protective shell of an artfully hollowed out bush, sat Kadaman and Talanah both, pressed _very_ close together on a bench. Aloy was about to raise her hand and call out to them in greeting, when Nil's captured her arm in his grasp.

"Aloy, I don't think we should interrupt them right now," he breathed, his voice barely audible.

She made sure to keep her voice to a hushed whisper as well. "What? Why not?"

His features softened. "Well, look at them. They don't often get moments such as these, and perhaps we should allow them to have the rest of the evening to themselves."

She turned to squint at her two friends with a frown, at first unsure of what Nil was talking about. It soon became apparent, however—the couple was entirely wrapped up in one another in a passionate embrace, decorative headpieces discarded off to the side and the fine silk of their outfits wrinkled and askew. Their faces were pressed together, Kadaman looking as though he were devouring Talanah. When Aloy realized that was because his tongue was shoved into her mouth, fire burned in her cheeks, and she tore her gaze away.

As if drawn by a magnet, it landed on her husband's face instead. To find that he had already been staring at her.

Automatically, her lips parted. Silver eyes dropped down to them, the pink tip of his tongue darting out to wet his lower lip. His hand still gripped her forearm, and the gentle heat from it stoked some of the flames that had suddenly ignited in her belly. 

Mesmerized, Aloy took a step closer. Nil's breath hitched as she pressed into him just slightly, but he didn't pull away as she might have expected. Instead, he continued to regard her through heavily lidded eyes, the rise and fall off his chest quickening. Slowly, she shifted her weight to the tips of her toes, craning her neck upward, closer to her husband, to his addictive warmth—

A soft moan—from Talanah or Kadaman, she wasn't sure—slicing through the night had them springing apart like guilty children who had been caught stealing sweets. 

With her heart stampeding like a frenzied Strider, Aloy stared down at her feet. Mortification squeezed her in a vice grip, and she knew her face must be ablaze with blood.

Ever in control of himself, Nil recovered quickly, coming back to her side as though nothing had just transpired between them. 

"With our friends otherwise, ahem, preoccupied, we ought to head out now." There was an apology—and maybe a tinge of regret—present in his tone, but it did little to soothe her in the moment. "What do you say to an early night?"

Aloy couldn't bring herself to look at him, not yet. "Yeah. Yeah, that sounds, um, great."

All Aloy could feel was a keen sense of disappointment as they made their way to the gates lining the edges of the garden and out the entryway, Nil towering ahead of her the entire way, an impenetrable shadow in the darkness.

There was no getting past it, no more useless lying to herself. She had wanted Nil to kiss her. She had wanted him to do to her the things Kadaman was doing to Talanah, to have his large hands fisted in her clothing, to feel his body flush with hers, all while he consumed her whole.

And now he seemed to be ignoring not only what they had shared only moments prior, but now her as well.

Stupid, silly tears welled up in the corners of her eyes, and she dragged a hand over them roughly, disgusted with herself. 

But once they had left the palace, after they had crossed over the bridge and into the city proper, Aloy felt the brush of callused skin over her own. Startled, she jerked her eyes up to her husband, finding only kindness and affection shining from his face. She had been so lost in her own dour thoughts that she hadn't realized he had slowed his pace to match hers.

"May I?"

As if in a dream, Aloy nodded. Roughened fingertips caressed her knuckles for a brief moment before his thick fingers twined with her own. Something about the contact, as chaste as it was, felt strikingly intimate and had her mouth going dry.

It stayed that way the entire walk home. He didn't let her go until they were outside of their house, and that only happened because Aloy's eye was caught by something they had failed to notice on their way out—the first prairie rose had bloomed in one of the flower boxes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some art I did for this chapter: 
> 
> Soon...soon. Oh yeah, I suppose I should mention that as of posting, I am 5.5 chapters away from the end of this! And, incidentally, knee deep in the most difficult part of the story...
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the slightly early chapter update and I'll see yinz next week!


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